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Truisms

1
Filed under General Cycling, Uncategorized

Born out of musings on avoiding slippy crisp packets, oddly enough, on a ride to work last week, and mostly posted to my Twitter.

The best time to realise that it IS raining hard enough to make it worth wearing your overtrousers is BEFORE you leave the house.

No motorist’s car is so old and rubbish that they won’t say you’d be better off with one of those rather than your bike.

Most cyclists agree that taking up cycling to save money would probably be a good idea, in theory.

Surveys including the question “Why don’t you cycle?” will never offer the answer “Because I’m too bloody lazy” as a possibility.

People who don’t ride wonder why you’d want to on rainy days. People who do ride wonder why you wouldn’t want to.

Junk food that you “earned” by riding all week tastes far better than junk food normally does. (Also applicable to beer, chocolates, takeaway curry, chinese food &c).

People will assume you’re saving the planet and/or ridding the roads of Britain of cars even if all you want to do is enjoy riding in the sunshine.

No bike lane is so crap that motorists won’t demand that you use it so that they don’t have to reduce speed for half a second.

Riding your bicycle in ice is the best way of breaking your elbow and/or wrist (that doesn’t involve interaction with other road users) yet discovered.

Whenever you decide to drive or take public transport, you will feel a deep sense of regret at the first cyclist you see enjoying their ride.

Anything shouted from a passing car will sound like “Blargh blah blaaaaargh” and is best not given too much thought.

Wearing any lycra at all allows people to jokingly call you “Lance Armstrong” and ask if you’re off to the Tour De France.

Red light jumping, pavement riding cyclists allow any motorist to put your life at risk even if they’ve just watched you scrupulously obeying traffic law throughout your ride.

Injure any part of your body whilst cycling, and people will say that you should have been wearing a helmet.

Injure any part of your body whilst cycling, and people will say that it was good you were wearing a helmet.

The best day for a long ride will always be the day where you can’t be out of the house for more than a couple of hours.

The further you are from your bicycle, the more ridiculous you look in lycra (unless you are a member of a glam rock band).

If you don’t want to get wet, pack your waterproofs. Because then it won’t rain.

No queue of stationary traffic is so close that a motorist won’t overtake you to reach it.

The wet crisp packet is summer’s equivalent of damp autumn leaves.

A beginner’s guide to cycling – An A to Z

2
Filed under Uncategorized

Adjustable Cup – How to get a bigger cup of tea.

Brake Shoe – What happened when Cinderella dropped her glass slipper.

Chainwheel – How to lock you bike so that only the frame is stolen.

Dooring – Nothing amusing to see here.

English Racer – Victoria Pendleton.

Face Plant – Why your mother told you to keep your nose clean.

Granny Gear – Cycling in bloomers.

Head Tube – Putting helmet-mounted camera footage on the Internet.

Involuntary Dismount – Driving somewhere.

Jam Nut – Owwww.

Kickstand – The proper sequence of events should someone push you off your bike.

LBS – Look Before Swerving.

Mountain Bike – A bike designed to be ridden on flat surfaces, usually pavements.

Noodle – That bit of hair which gets in your mouth but you can’t spit out.

Over the Bars – Giving up alcohol.

P******eSomething that only occurs when you’re running late.

Quick-Release – Having a pee at the side of the road.

Rim – The part of the body which hurts after the first long ride on a bike.

Stud – A male cyclist.

Touring – Taking a “short cut.”

U-brake – What to do at red traffic lights.

Vice-Grip – If you are not yet Over the Bars.

Wheel Bender – A very gay cyclist.

XC – To hug the gutter in the countryside.

You’re Welcome – The response drivers expect after informing you that you’re “awll over the farkin’ raaad”.

Zip Tie - A means to store items inside office wear.

Teenage angst and sunny days.

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Filed under Uncategorized

As the father of a very soon to be teenage daughter, I can safely say that this is rapidly becoming the most challenging time I have yet experienced as a parent. I have noticed distinct changes in my daughter since she started going to grammar school last year, we often go to the cinema and last year it was Disney and cartoon based films, now this is being supplemented with the worst kind of movies imaginable, I’m not talking about things like Hostel or other gore flicks, in comparison these are tame, I am talking about movies made for and aimed at teenage girls.

I took her to see Journey to the Centre of the Earth in 3d a few weeks ago which she really enjoyed and I thought watchable, but two weeks later she asked to go see Wild Child, at the time I thought nothing of it, I was not prepared for the carnage that followed.

The film is about a spoilt Malibu barbie that is sent to boarding school in England where she learns all about true love and other cliched subjects, all delivered in glorious technicolor, when we walked into the cinema I was sure that other fathers present were looking at me with sorrow in their eyes as well as a look of abject terror for what was to come.

I spent most of the film with my mouth half open while silently praying to God to make it stop, at one point my daughter, who was laughing at all the crass humour and cooing at the romance and trendy outfits, looked around to see me sticking cocktail sticks in my eyes, it was irrelevant, she is becoming a teenager.

A week later she asked if we could do something with the sunny day, I had a flashback and started to suffer a panic attack as I recalled all the similar movies that were about to come out or had already, she then announced that she really wanted to go cycling, a reprieve.

As her father is the exclusive agent for Catrike recumbent trikes in the UK, she has by her own request a Catrike Trail, I ride an Expedition, over the last year she has not ridden that much due to starting a new school that is five minutes walk away and various other things, so I suggested we take an easy round trip of about 8 miles with a stop for lunch. I had bought her some running tights to cycle in which she objected to as she claims they make her legs look fat, but she wore them, I have been trying to talk her into clipless pedals and shoes but she had thus far resisted.

One of the things I was intent on was teaching her some roadcraft as earlier excursions had shown up some obvious dangers in the way she viewed other traffic, also in the past she would not in any way consider riding on the road at all other than to cross it. However it seems this has changed along with her ability to listen to advice on riding style, she took on the roadcraft and relished in me asking her questions about it, she rode on a couple of quiet roads as well as cycle lanes. She applied her new knowledge well.

Another notable change was her use of the gears on the trike and her glee of attaining high speed down hill, hitting 20-25 mph a couple of times. We rode along the river and had a huge lunch at a country park cafe before riding through a small nature reserve and then back into town and while she was tired at the end of it, she smiled all the way though it, even when she decided to ride up an embankment and turned the trike over, which led to an impromptu cable repair.

When we returned she declared that she wanted to cycle a lot more with me and that she wanted clipless pedals and shoes, so I picked her some shoes up this week and await Saturday to see if cycling is the order of the day or another teenage gore fest.

She has started talking about boys as well.

The Mind of a Helmet Camera Cyclist Part 2

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Filed under Helmet Cameras, Uncategorized

 

As I mentioned in my previous blog article, I am a borg on a bike (BOB). So how did I become a BOB.

It all started with the birth of my first son 3 years ago.

My wife and I had always had one car between the two of us. That worked fine for us, and my wife would often drop me off at work on the way to her work. However, with the impending birth of our son I realised that my wife would be off on maternity leave for a considerable length of time and would probably benefit from the use of the car. So my options were; buy a second car (too expensive), take public transport (very, very inconvenient), or get a bike.

My commute was five miles each way, so after investigating online (on the old C+ forum) I decided that cycling was by far the best option and would allow me to get some exercise in as well. So a Ridgeback Cyclone was purchased, and following my paternity leave I bit the bullet and cycled. Scary at first, but after I settled in I realised how brilliant it was. Of course the beautiful weather at the time (28C) helped!

My cycling technique at the time was far from perfect. I will admit that I used the occasional footpath in those days, but I soon learned the err in my ways. However, as time passed I realised was that I was having incidents on a reasonably regular basis which I felt were dangerous, i.e, vehicles passing too close, cutting me up, pulling out in front of me etc. So after reading some discussion on C+ where a couple of users were talking about using helmet cameras, I decided when I had the money, I would take the plunge. Before I did though I decided to have a go with my mobile phone strapped to my bag strap (Nokia N70). So on the 29th June 2006 my youtube broadcasting days began with a video of me cycling through the Clyde Tunnel I used this phone on the odd occasion when it wasn’t raining!

It wasn’t until January 2007 that I bought my first proper helmet camera the ATC-2000. It could be described as many things, but small isn’t one of them. So I plonked it on the left side of my helmet and once my neck muscles recovered, and I learned to point it in the right direction, I started filming. It wasn’t long until it showed its worth.

The bus driver in this clip decided to start overtaking me, despite the lack of room. A quick glance over at him, a quick tap of the helmet camera, and amazingly he backed off!. Result!!

From that moment on I was fully assimilated into the BOB……

Yehuda Moon and the Kickstand Cyclery

2
Filed under Uncategorized

Confession time: I am a bit of a webcomic obsessive. For years I have followed the exploits of a blue troll and his friends as they manage a gaming magazine, and more recently the definitely no-way weird relationship of an artist and his cat-friend (helpfully, “Kat”) who live with a penguin.

Most webcomics revolve or relate to computer games, the Internet, or some kind of geekiness. There are very few Garfield style strips aimed squarely at the masses, and that’s just right and proper.

However, I had always wondered why, until now, there haven’t been many cycling comics. With the various subsets of cycling, different uses, different beliefs, technologies etc., surely our special brand of geekiness (and I mean that in the best possible way) is just ripe for a chuckle or five?

Imagine my delight when I stumbled across Yehuda Moon and the Kickstand Cyclery. Yes, it does have a title like a poor Harry Potter imitation, but it is a webcomic, it doesn’t feature much magic (unless you count one particular ghost).

Yehuda and his friend Joe run The Kickstand after a cyclist is killed outside a vacant shop. They place a ghostbike outside, and hope that the business will create a bit more awareness of cyclists on the road. Yehuda is a more “traditional” kind of cyclist, commuting every day come rain or shine, whereas Joe is happy to drive should the weather turn sour. They each have their own stance when it comes to bikes, bits, and bobs, but they are both united in their love of two wheels.

Yehuda Moon is a nice read. Very rarely laugh-out-loud funny, but more “smile humour” and aa smile is a nice way to start a day.

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