50 shades of grey extracts

[biggs682]

More extracts from my new book 50 shades of Chav. "Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women"

50 shades of Chav. "As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight."

Another extract from my 2nd book 13 flavours of WKD. "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time."

therese more as well

 

[Peteaud]

like

 

[kevin_cambs_uk]

LMAO !
classic stuff mate

 

[PaulB]

therese more as well

Well let's get to the exotica erotica of this French filly then. And get to it vite. Allez, allez.

 

[Peteaud]

"As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same."

 

[Andrew_Culture]

"It when when I first saw him defying the 'no shirt - no service' rule at the Co-op that I knew I had to have him. It wasn't only his 'Manchester Untied' DIY tattoo that attracted me, it wasn't even the 'devil may care' dirt under his fingernails. No; laying here in the back of his uninsured Transit van (ten minutes later) I know it was the three litres of Frosty Jack that drew me to my sun-shat saviour."

 

[Peteaud]

"My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had messed his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ar$e It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections"

 

[defy-one]

All hilarious but sadly true i fear

 

[subaqua]

50 Sheds of Grey

erotica for the not so modern male - I follow on twitter and is brilliant
She told me it turned her on to have her movements restricted when she made love. I looked around - I'd have to get a smaller shed.

I emptied the small water butt for the fifteenth time that day and collapsed, exhausted into my shed. I like big butts and I cannot lie.

 

[subaqua]

More from 12 Shades of my Fake Tan.

"I had a week to myself, bliss.
The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand.
Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an 18-30.
Dwayne wanted me to be a Dominatrix but I couldn't get the gear as the new security guard at Ann Summers was a right c*nt. I had to improvise.

I put on my fave black sl*g wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops.
For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head.
I looked like gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job.

Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer.
I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam my mistake.
I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour but needs must."​

 

[subaqua]

she asked me to bandage her varicose veins and ankles -only this time 'do it tighter' 50shades of Gran

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Genius!

 

[Lisa21]

More from 12 Shades of my Fake Tan.​

​

"I had a week to myself, bliss.​

The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand.​

Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an 18-30.​

Dwayne wanted me to be a Dominatrix but I couldn't get the gear as the new security guard at Ann Summers was a right c*nt. I had to improvise.​

​

I put on my fave black sl*g wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops.​

For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head.​

I looked like gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job.​

​

Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer.​

I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam my mistake.​

I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour but needs must."​

ffs...........iv given myself a stitch from laughing so much

 

[Paulus]

Excellent stuff subaqua, I get the feeling that there is a frustrated author in there somewhere

 

[subaqua]

I can't take credit for writing these.shamelessly stolen from twitter.