Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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- sorry. 
A topical one (with apologies to anyone actually suffering in the floods...)
A devout Christian has a house by a river. The rain comes down, the river comes up and his house floods.
As the water rises through the ground floor, the fire brigade bring a canoe to his door to rescue him, but he refuses to leave. "The Lord will protect me" he says, "I have total faith."
The water keeps rising. He has to retreat to the first floor. The army come along in a boat and try to persuade him to climb out of the bedroom window. He still claims not to need any help, as the Lord will save him.
Eventually, he has to climb up onto the roof. There he is, clinging precariously to the chimney in the rain and the wind. The coastguard sends a rescue helicopter.
"I don't need to be rescued" he says "because I have faith that the Lord will preserve me."
That night, he is finally washed off the roof and drowns. He reaches the Pearly Gates and is let in by St Peter, and comes into the presence of God.
Actually, he's not at all pleased. "Lord," he says "I had faith in you. I never for a moment believed that you would let me die in the floods. Was all my faith a waste?"
God looks at him sternly. "What do you mean, I let you die? I sent two bloody boats and a helicopter, didn't I??!"
A devout Christian has a house by a river. The rain comes down, the river comes up and his house floods.
As the water rises through the ground floor, the fire brigade bring a canoe to his door to rescue him, but he refuses to leave. "The Lord will protect me" he says, "I have total faith."
The water keeps rising. He has to retreat to the first floor. The army come along in a boat and try to persuade him to climb out of the bedroom window. He still claims not to need any help, as the Lord will save him.
Eventually, he has to climb up onto the roof. There he is, clinging precariously to the chimney in the rain and the wind. The coastguard sends a rescue helicopter.
"I don't need to be rescued" he says "because I have faith that the Lord will preserve me."
That night, he is finally washed off the roof and drowns. He reaches the Pearly Gates and is let in by St Peter, and comes into the presence of God.
Actually, he's not at all pleased. "Lord," he says "I had faith in you. I never for a moment believed that you would let me die in the floods. Was all my faith a waste?"
God looks at him sternly. "What do you mean, I let you die? I sent two bloody boats and a helicopter, didn't I??!"
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
You should show more compassion.
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
Sorry, but I think that on this subject we are diametrically opposed.
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
Well tonight was a total disaster! Had a table booked for Valentines and everything... how was I to know she "doesn't like snooker"? Some girls are soooooo fussy!
slowmotion
Quite dreadful
- Location
- lost somewhere
How many men does it take to change a roll of loo paper?
No-one knows...it's never been attempted...
No-one knows...it's never been attempted...
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
I was going to do the tangent one, but now I'm just going round in circles.
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
That stuck a chord with me.
