Give me some dialogue from your day

[Sandra6]

Customer on phone " how easy is it to replace a headlight?"
Me " what car is it"
Customer " ford zetec"
Me " have you changed a bulb before?"
Customer " no"
Me " you might find it quite difficult then, me, probably not so much. "

 

[Cubist]

Unsolicited phone chappie; "Hello, my name's Simon from EE. We'd like to review your phone usage and make sure the product you have fits your needs."
Me "OK, go on."
UPC : We need you to answer some security questions first."
Me "OK, go on."
UPC "Can you give me your full name including any middle name?"
Me "Hercules Aloysius Cubist"
UPC " And the first line of your address and your postcode?"
Me "Top o' T'hill, HD7 "
UPC: "Great, and how much was your last EE bill?"
Me " I'll see if I can find it. I find it a bit rich having to prove my identity when you phoned me to start with. "
UPC "It's for Data Protection."
Me "Ah. Luckily the bill is on the bread bin. £42.00"
UPC "Well, I'm afraid you've failed the security questions, we'll ring you back in a couple of weeks."
Me "What do you mean, failed? You asked me how much my last bill was and I've just told you. " (Checks date on bill) "Yep, Feb 2015, £42"
UPC "Oh, the question was how much was your December bill. Sorry. "
Me "Are you taking the p!ss? You asked for my last phone bill"
UPC "Well, it says here your December bill"
Me "How the hell am I going to remember that? Off the top of your head, can you tell me what your December phone bill was?"
UPC "No, I don't suppose I could."
Me " So you ring me up out of the blue, offering me a service I haven't requested, then ask me questions to prove my own identity which you yourself couldn't answer, then tell me I can't benefit from that service because you can't even ask the right questions. What sort of shambles are you running there?"
UPC "We'll ring you again in a ........"
Me "Click, buzzzzzzzzzzzz"

 

[jhawk]

Dad: "This damn dog won't stop shedding!"

Me: "I know, there's enough dog hair to knit a small Corgi. He's the ever-sheddy dog!"

Dad: "I have taught you well my boy!"

 

[ColinJ]

Sister, on mobile, to me on my mobile: Where are you?

Me, being helpful: Standing, talking to you on my mobile!

Sis: I'm tired - stop messing about! Are you at home?

Me: Yes.

Sis: Did your landline phone ring just now?

Me: No. It has not rung since this morning and I have been in all day.

Sis: Well, you have a problem with your phone then!



We talked on the mobiles a while and afterwards I investigated. My cordless phone upstairs was not working. I went downstairs and that one wasn't working either. I got my old corded phone out and that didn't work. No dial tone. Phone didn't ring when called from the mobile. There was a voltage on the line though because the corded phone LED came on when I lifted the handset and I haven't put any batteries in the phone because I no longer use it.

I went online, and I still have the broadband connection which I am using now.

I visited the TalkTalk website and tried using their line checker. BINGO - my phone number is not recognised! They have half forgotten that I exist. They are still billing me and I paid them about a week ago. They also like me enough to give me broadband, but phone - no way!

I'll try and contact them online tomorrow if the phone has not come back on. I want to avoid using their call centre if possible. I vaguely remember doing it once before and losing the will to live!

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Sister, on mobile, to me on my mobile: Where are you?

Me, being helpful: Standing, talking to you on my mobile!

Sis: I'm tired - stop messing about! Are you at home?

Me: Yes.

Sis: Did your landline phone ring just now?

Me: No. It has not rung since this morning and I have been in all day.

Sis: Well, you have a problem with your phone then!



We talked on the mobiles a while and afterwards I investigated. My cordless phone upstairs was not working. I went downstairs and that one wasn't working either. I got my old corded phone out and that didn't work. No dial tone. Phone didn't ring when called from the mobile. There was a voltage on the line though because the corded phone LED came on when I lifted the handset and I haven't put any batteries in the phone because I no longer use it.

I went online, and I still have the broadband connection which I am using now.

I visited the TalkTalk website and tried using their line checker. BINGO - my phone number is not recognised! They have half forgotten that I exist. They are still billing me and I paid them about a week ago. They also like me enough to give me broadband, but phone - no way!

I'll try and contact them online tomorrow if the phone has not come back on. I want to avoid using their call centre if possible. I vaguely remember doing it once before and losing the will to live!

I find the online phone line tester quite useful. It logs the call automatically if there is a fault found. You don't have to talk to them at all. I don't know if your provide had one... But you can't have your line including broadband in use at the time you do the test, that is the only problem. Mobile broadband dongles have their uses!

 

[Ganymede]

I'm at Evans in Shaftesbury Avenue in London.

Me (holding out mini-pump): Can you show me the trick of changing this over, not sure how it works
Young man: Yes like this...... It's not the best one you can get, you know
Me: I know, but I never get (slaps hand over mouth)
Him: What?
Me: Well (whispers) I never get punctures (gestures to P*ncture fairy etc, he looks a bit bewildered)
Him: Never?
Me: Seriously, I've only ever mended one puncture in my whole life
Him: Do you get other people to mend them for you?
Me: WHAT THE HOLY HECKINS YOU IMPUDENT SEXIST LITTLE SHOYTE (I say all this with my eyebrows of course). Cuh.

 

[Scoosh]

Him: Do you get other people to mend them for you?
Me: WHAT THE HOLY HECKINS YOU IMPUDENT SEXIST LITTLE SHOYTE (I say all this with my eyebrows of course). Cuh.

THUD !
(sound of Young Man hitting the deck ... )

 

[Crackle]

Unsolicited phone chappie; "Hello, my name's Simon from EE. We'd like to review your phone usage and make sure the product you have fits your needs."
Me "OK, go on."
UPC : We need you to answer some security questions first."
Me "OK, go on."
UPC "Can you give me your full name including any middle name?"

That is as far we got when they rang me. The next line was, " You rang me, can you prove you're from EE" They mumbled some stuff at me and when I asked them detail they said they couldn't answer until I'd answered the security questions, so I said goodbye. Seems to be a flawed sales pitch.

 

[ColinJ]

I find the online phone line tester quite useful. It logs the call automatically if there is a fault found. You don't have to talk to them at all. I don't know if your provide had one... But you can't have your line including broadband in use at the time you do the test, that is the only problem. Mobile broadband dongles have their uses!

As I mentioned above, I can't proceed because I get the message "Your phone number has not been recognised. Please re-enter your TalkTalk phone number."

I'll try the online support chat box ...

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

As I mentioned above, I can't proceed because I get the message "Your phone number has not been recognised. Please re-enter your TalkTalk phone number."

I'll try the online support chat box ...

missed that bit somehow. one of the problems of dyslexia and mixing it with painkillers such as morphine!

 

[ColinJ]

missed that bit somehow. one of the problems of dyslexia and mixing it with painkillers such as morphine!

Yeah, sorry, I thought about that after posting! I hope the new trike makes up for some of the awful stuff that you are currently going through!

I discovered that the problem with the number not being recognised was that I was using Home support for a Business line and their system is not smart enough to redirect me automatically. Eventually, a human support chat person did. (I was not smart enough to use the right support and moan about the support system not being smart enough - ha ha!)

The business chat support does not offer tech help so it looks like I will have to do battle with the call centre! Fingers crossed ...

Going through their menu system ...

Muzak on hold ...

 

[ColinJ]

Oh, well after a 15 minute wait I got a helpful guy who sounded like he was from the Bolton area rather than a harassed call centre worker in Mumbai juggling 10 calls at once! He did some tests while I was talking to him and promised to sort it by tomorrow, which suits me. Right, the sun is shining - I'm out of here!

 

[jhawk]

I'm at Evans in Shaftesbury Avenue in London.

Me (holding out mini-pump): Can you show me the trick of changing this over, not sure how it works
Young man: Yes like this...... It's not the best one you can get, you know
Me: I know, but I never get (slaps hand over mouth)
Him: What?
Me: Well (whispers) I never get punctures (gestures to P*ncture fairy etc, he looks a bit bewildered)
Him: Never?
Me: Seriously, I've only ever mended one puncture in my whole life
Him: Do you get other people to mend them for you?
Me: WHAT THE HOLY HECKINS YOU IMPUDENT SEXIST LITTLE SHOYTE (I say all this with my eyebrows of course). Cuh.

... I have to admit, I laughed a lot. That was a good one...

 

[Ganymede]

... I have to admit, I laughed a lot. That was a good one...

I know - can you imagine him saying that to a bloke? First disbelieving me, then insulting me! He also totally didn't care that he pee'd me off either, so I guess the customer is always wrong with him. Self-important little.....*Gany stops herself*

 

[Lullabelle]

At work we are looking to replace our drinks machines and 1 potential supplier bought us a stack of white coffee with sugar samples so yesterday I handed them around and asked people for their honest opinion.

SL: I don't like that coffee, not very sweet
Me: you could always bring in a bag of your own to top up
SL: oh yeah, s'pose
Me: