Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Just been on holiday, our daughter Andrea looked after our labrador, she has dogs herself.
We sat in our living room and I said...
'Bl00dy dog smells '
The wife agreed, 'I know, he needs a bath'
Shes on her tablet, facebooking.
I ask....
'Is Andrea on there ?'
'Yep'
'Right, tell her our dog's caught BO off her dogs'
Wife... she types away, within seconds the answer comes in from our daughter...
'She said you want to get your nose out of his backside then'

She takes after her mum that one....

 

[macp]

Customer says I need an offer for the following spec I says ok no problem. He says I have had this enquiry on my desk for three days but I need your offer back by close of today. Leave it with me I says

 

[marknotgeorge]

Discussing the holiday their mother plans to take them on next year.
Drama Queen: Hopefully we're going to Spain or Portugal next year.
Mad Scientist: I want to go to Tenerife!
DQ: I thought Tenerife was in Australia but then I realised that that was the Great Barrier Reef.

Geography's not one of her GCSE options...

 

[Spinney]

Discussing the holiday their mother plans to take them on next year.
Drama Queen: Hopefully we're going to Spain or Portugal next year.
Mad Scientist: I want to go to Tenerife!
DQ: I thought Tenerife was in Australia but then I realised that that was the Great Barrier Reef.

Geography's not one of her GCSE options...

Keep them both happy - Tenerife is part of Spain!

 

[marknotgeorge]

Keep them both happy - Tenerife is part of Spain!

Their mum's taking them. Too damn hot for me!

 

[gbb]

My colleagues had been called to a non running machine, I left them to it while I did something else. An hour passed, I wandered through to see how they're getting on. It's still stopped...
'What's happening ?' I asked.
'Can't get it to run with this program'
'Change the program to another, then amend the bag length so it's the same as this one, try that.'
So they did...and it worked. As we wandered back to the workshop I said...
'One hour you lot have been on that, I arrive and 5 minutes later it's running '

One of my colleagues immediately went into acting mode, pretended to be me, jauntilly sauntered up to an imaginary machine like the Fonz would walk and said...
'Yeah, I think you'll find its that button there'...pressed the imaginary button with a ridiculous flourish...'there ya go '...then sauntered back, again like the Fonz would.
'Heyyyyyy '

Cue much laughter from us all

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

"That's the last Tea Bag"



"I'm off up the shops"

 

[Maverick Goose]

"That's the last Tea Bag"



"I'm off up the shops"

in your hour of need.

 

[ufkacbln]

@Smokin Joe 's contribution to the joke thread reminded me of an incident on a pub loo

Quite busy, but all you could hear was grunting from one of the cubicles and this loud Scottish voice

"Oot, ya Bugger, Get oot'

 

[gbb]

Been a helluva day...manic at work, no coffee break between 9.30 and 4.30, just rammed my sandwiches down my neck at 2ish.
Home, rush to get granddaughter ready to go back to her mums (my wife has been sitting for her all day)....and breathe......what a day, now, we're both starving and no tea prepared.
'Fish and chips ?'
'Yep, that'll do'
So in an effort to slow down and relax, we sat and ate tea on the field next to the chippie. Lovely, relaxed and sunny and just chatted. Got up, wandered across to the bin outside the chippie, deposited the wrappers, back to the car and set off home. Withing 500 yards....
'Where's my wallet ..'
Turned round, rushed to the spot we'd been sat...nothing. Checked the car, nothinh. Walked into the chipshop...
'I didn't leave my wallet here did i'
'No sorry'
'Hmmmm, thanks....hang on, I wonder if I had it in my hands when I put the wrappers in the bin...I'm gonna root through it '
'Do you want some gloves ?'..chip shop lady asked.
'No its OK, my rubbish is right at the top'
Picked up the top layer....and there it was wahayyyy

 

[Katherine]

Phew!!

 

[gbb]

Last week, at tea break I got my sandwiches out. One of my colleagues immediately looked surprised...
'Bloody Ell, like ham in your mustard sandwiches do you ?'

 

[NorthernDave]

"It's illegal to cycle along here without a bell" - said a jogger to a cyclist, on Sustrans NCN 65...

 

[Pat "5mph"]

What do yo mean you don't like this food?
You don't like the beef in jelly?
You don't want the fresh cooked chicken breast?
Oh, do you want my chicken in sweet chili sauce?
I'm sure you don't like that, stop putting your face in my plate, here's a bit.
Told you you wouldn't like it!
Stop wasting food, don't you know there are starving cats that would be glad of this food?!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I woke up on the armchair this morning (actually yesterday morning now).

'Oh, how did I get here?? I must have been pretty drunk, I don't remember a thing, not even getting home!'.

Later

'Urrgghh!! What has happened to my arms and shoulders? They are pretty sore!!'.

I spent half the day in bed 'recovering'.


I still don't know what the heck I've done to my arms and shoulders, but it feels muscular anyway.