Best pop down the chemist for a pregnancy testing kit just to be on the safe side...
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
Best pop down the chemist for a pregnancy testing kit just to be on the safe side...
rugby bloke
Veteran
- Location
- Northamptonshire
Serving up Sunday tea - leg of lamb:
Daughter - 13: "Hmm, it smells like Christmas"
Eldest Son - 19: "Why, because we've got vegetables ?"
I hasten to add that vegetables do feature fairly regularly at meal times and are really not a novelty ...
Daughter - 13: "Hmm, it smells like Christmas"
Eldest Son - 19: "Why, because we've got vegetables ?"
I hasten to add that vegetables do feature fairly regularly at meal times and are really not a novelty ...
numbnuts
Legendary Member
- Location
- Gone over the hill and far away
14:17 and I haven't spoken to anybody yet, could be a quiet day
GrumpyGregry
Here for rides.
Well Mr Gregry, according to our FCA approved affordability criteria we can convert your mortgage sub-accounts from interest only to repayment and offer you a term of nn years
But I want to pay it back in (nn-50%) years
But sir you can't afford to pay it back in that short a period
But I think I can
But we can only offer an nn year term sir, based on our criteria
Is this a case of "computer says no"
(Laughs) yes sir it is
okay I'll take the nn years then and pay it back early
Sounds like a plan Mr Gregry
But I want to pay it back in (nn-50%) years
But sir you can't afford to pay it back in that short a period
But I think I can
But we can only offer an nn year term sir, based on our criteria
Is this a case of "computer says no"
(Laughs) yes sir it is
okay I'll take the nn years then and pay it back early
Sounds like a plan Mr Gregry
shouldbeinbed
Rollin' along
- Location
- Manchester way
Son 2 conversation as I'm trying on my new Aldi waterproof packaway.
S2. What the f' are you wearing? It looks like it has a nappy at the back.
Me: Is my lightweight winter waterproof, that bit keeps the wet off my backside.
S2: waterproof, how can it be waterproof, its see through.
S2. What the f' are you wearing? It looks like it has a nappy at the back.
Me: Is my lightweight winter waterproof, that bit keeps the wet off my backside.
S2: waterproof, how can it be waterproof, its see through.
ColinJ
Puzzle game procrastinator!
- Location
- Todmorden - Yorks/Lancs border
Indeed! I mean, water is always leaking out of glass bottles isn't it ...
I have one of those Aldi jackets. They are surprisingly waterproof, especially from the inside! ('Boil in the bag') Good for occasional storms though.
Last edited:
marknotgeorge
Hol den Vorschlaghammer!
- Location
- Derby.
Overheard at the kid's drawing table in Hobbycraft:
Some Other Little Girl: I'm drawing a confused knight who thinks he's a princess!
Mad Scientist: Dad, what colour is the Illuminati's eye?
Modern life!
Some Other Little Girl: I'm drawing a confused knight who thinks he's a princess!
Mad Scientist: Dad, what colour is the Illuminati's eye?
Modern life!
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
We ( two engineers ) are sat having a coffee, Dawn (salt of the earth, occasionally acid tongued and sarcastic) walks in..
' my machine's not working'
' we were just talking about you Dawn, telling them they need 10 of you, you're that fast on your machine '
' Oh yeah, '
replied Dawn, sensing the teasing .
We fixed her machine...10 minutes later she came in the workshop...
'My machines not working again , it's blocked now'
'FFS Dawn, you're becoming a liability '
'Well that's nice innit'
Talk her up, then bring her down, all in a days fun....which she fully expects and enjoys I should add...and gives back given half the chance.
' my machine's not working'
' we were just talking about you Dawn, telling them they need 10 of you, you're that fast on your machine '
' Oh yeah, '
replied Dawn, sensing the teasing .We fixed her machine...10 minutes later she came in the workshop...
'My machines not working again , it's blocked now'
'FFS Dawn, you're becoming a liability '
'Well that's nice innit
'Talk her up, then bring her down, all in a days fun.
...which she fully expects and enjoys I should add...and gives back given half the chance.
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
My old favourite at a burger bar I used to frequent..(it only works once mind)
'Can't I have a Hawaiian burger please....but no pineapple thanks'
He looked at me and replied....
'
...you want a cheeseburger then ?' 
' if that's all you got, it'll have to do'
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
At the bike rack outside the Post Office, talking to a lady who was unchaining as I was locking up, conversation ended:
Me: (looking down at my scrappy-looking fixie) The only solution is to have a bike no-one would ever bother stealing
Her: I had one like that. It got nicked.
Me: (looking down at my scrappy-looking fixie) The only solution is to have a bike no-one would ever bother stealing
Her: I had one like that. It got nicked.
ColinJ
Puzzle game procrastinator!
- Location
- Todmorden - Yorks/Lancs border
A friend of mine went vegetarian in the 1970s when it wasn't really a common thing to do in the UK. After a night at the pub, we stopped at a roadside hot dog stall ...My old favourite at a burger bar I used to frequent..(it only works once mind)
'Can't I have a Hawaiian burger please....but no pineapple thanks'
He looked at me and replied....
'
' if that's all you got, it'll have to do'
"I'd like a Veggie Dog please."
"WTF's a 'Veggie Dog!"
"Hot dog, heavy on the onions, hold the dog!"
Mad Doug Biker
Just a damaged guy.
- Location
- Craggy Island
There I was, shopping in my local Co - Op, and I was waiting for a small boy to move so I could get into the chilled cabinet where I could get what I wanted. Initially I didn't think he looked very happy.
Boy's Dad: 'Come on, we need to go!
..... What's wrong?...... You ok??'
The boy is standing making a strange face, looking at me and his Dad.
Boy's Dad: 'You can't stand there all day, come on!'
The penny finally drops (along with presumably something else)
Boy's Dad: 'You are doing the toilet, aren't you??'
The boy just stands there with the same expression on his face
BD: 'Oh come on, we'll have to get you sorted'
The Dad is starting to laugh (as am I) and picks the boy up. As he's walking away I say
'Well, it is the best place to do it!'
The Dad disappears round the corner and I hear hoots of laughter from some ladies.
I continue shopping and never smell a thing (not that I was hanging about).
What was the aisle?? Yep, you've guessed it, it was.....
...... The fresh produce aisle!!
Boy's Dad: 'Come on, we need to go!
..... What's wrong?...... You ok??'
The boy is standing making a strange face, looking at me and his Dad.
Boy's Dad: 'You can't stand there all day, come on!'
The penny finally drops (along with presumably something else)
Boy's Dad: 'You are doing the toilet, aren't you??'
The boy just stands there with the same expression on his face
BD: 'Oh come on, we'll have to get you sorted'
The Dad is starting to laugh (as am I) and picks the boy up. As he's walking away I say
'Well, it is the best place to do it!'
The Dad disappears round the corner and I hear hoots of laughter from some ladies.
I continue shopping and never smell a thing (not that I was hanging about).
What was the aisle?? Yep, you've guessed it, it was.....
...... The fresh produce aisle!!
Last edited:
Electric_Andy
Heavy Metal Fan
- Location
- Plymouth
Two staff talking in the corner shop:
woman 1: "The manager was in yesterday, he doesn't half make us work hard when he's here"
woman 2: "I know. I'm sure that's why I fell out of the shower the other day; I was exhausted from work"
I started laughing my head off, then looked embarrassed as I realised she was actually serious.
woman 1: "The manager was in yesterday, he doesn't half make us work hard when he's here"
woman 2: "I know. I'm sure that's why I fell out of the shower the other day; I was exhausted from work"
I started laughing my head off, then looked embarrassed as I realised she was actually serious.
