Give me some dialogue from your day

[Profpointy]

Unspoken dialogue perhaps...
I was getting my puncture outfit out to repair a puncture I got earlier. As I did so, a tea spoon clattered on the floor, having fallen out of my saddle bag.
Me...looking at my wife...
Wife...looking at me.........
Me.....

Back in the day when the embedded systems we built had software in ROM (read only memory) and you replaced the chips when the software was upgraded.

New guy "anyone got a ROM removing tool?"

He was immediately handed a teaspoon.

Most of us had a specially bent teaspoon where you stuck the tip of the spoon under the chip with the handle bent up at 90 degrees to give you a gentle rocking motion.

 

[jhawk]

My friend's baby just dropped two of his noodles on the floor whilst playing with his food. He's treating them like their sentient beings.

"Noodle 1: Oh no! We fell!"

Noodle 2: "Let's get up!"

Noodle 1: "Okaaaaaay!"

*Puts them back into the bowl*.

Noodle 2: Yay!"

PMSL.

 

[gbb]

Female colleague...kneeling on the floor in front of me supporting an item I was holding (in readiness to fix to a wall)
' I hope no one walks in and sees this '

I look down and realise what it could look like...

'

 

[NorthernDave]

Work colleague: The seventies and eighties were great times for music, but there was nothing in the nineties - it was a musical wasteland.

Me: Eh? What about Madchester and the Britpop? The Happy Mondays and the Stone Roses? James? Oasis vs Blur? Suede, The Verve, Pulp, Supergrass, Cast, Dodgy, Elastica? The Divine Comedy?

Work colleague: Oh yeah - but apart from them it was rubbish.

Me:

 

[gbb]

Not today's but one I just remembered...
Warehouse colleague had got a non compliance, failed to observe some procedure or other. In this case he explained, he hadn't put the biro back in its workstation box, so the inventory was wrong.
She (compliance team) said, 'where's the pen you signed to say was in the toolbox ?'
'In my pocket, I forgot to put it in the box'
'But you signed to say it WAS in the box'
'Yes I know, I have to sign the sheet but to do that the pen isn't in the box, it's in my hand....and I simply forgot to put it back, my fault entirely'
'So why sign to say it's in the box '?

oh FFS

 

[gbb]

Not today's but one I just remembered...
Warehouse colleague had got a non compliance, failed to observe some procedure or other. In this case he explained, he hadn't put the biro back in its workstation box, so the inventory was wrong.
She (compliance team) said, 'where's the pen you signed to say was in the toolbox ?'
'In my pocket, I forgot to put it in the box'
'But you signed to say it WAS in the box'
'Yes I know, I have to sign the sheet but to do that the pen isn't in the box, it's in my hand....and I simply forgot to put it back, my fault entirely'
'So why sign to say it's in the box '?

oh FFS

That brings forth another problem....the dreaded 5 WHY'S on the response form.
Why did the non conformance occur.....forgot to put pen in box.
Why.....errrrr what more can I say
Why.....
Why....
Why....oh FFS

 

[KneesUp]

There are flats above my office and the unit next door. I overheard this today:

[knocking]
[more knocking]
[keys jangling]
"Oh. Oh. Sorry. I'm from the letting agents. We have this down as vacant. I just want to measure the rooms"
[inaudible]
"Right, yes, of course. Yes. But while I'm here can I measure anyway?"
[inaudible]
"Yes. F*ck off. Of course, yes, it's your flat. No problem"
[feet on stairs]

 

[gbb]

I'm sat at a table with some warehouse colleagues, I'm eating a kiwi fruit, scooping out the flesh with a spoon. A discussion followed about fruit, mostly more exotic stuff.
Eduardo (Portugese) ...'Don't you eat the skin ?'
'No, never...can you ?'
'Of course, its full of goodness'
' Gonna try it'...I turn to Cel (also Portugese)...'is he taking the pith ?'
' No, I don't eat the skin but I know you can'

So I tuck in, it tastes ok TBF....
'It's good actually...' I look round the table....'I'm not going to spend the afternoon in the toilet am I ?'

Guffaws erupted round the table

 

[ColinJ]

There are flats above my office and the unit next door. I overheard this today:

[knocking]
[more knocking]
[keys jangling]
"Oh. Oh. Sorry. I'm from the letting agents. We have this down as vacant. I just want to measure the rooms"
[inaudible]
"Right, yes, of course. Yes. But while I'm here can I measure anyway?"
[inaudible]
"Yes. F*ck off. Of course, yes, it's your flat. No problem"
[feet on stairs]

I used to get Wednesday afternoons off when I was a student. My flat was above a shop and was entered through a rear door and a staircase. One Wednesday I had returned from a morning at the university and had dozed off in a hot bath. I was woken up suddenly by the sound of the downstairs door opening. I leapt out of the bath, wrapped a towel round my dripping body, flung open the bathroom door, and saw a young estate agent leading a group of middle-aged men in suits up the stairs. I made a forceful statement of my discontent! The flustered agent said that he thought it would be okay to show some property developers round while I was out at university. Bloody cheek!

 

[Lullabelle]

This morning a delivery driver turned up:

DD: hello love I have got some gloves for you
ME: that's a big van just for some gloves
DD: Oh, no this was full earlier, you are my last but 1 drop today

ME: out of his eyeline

 

[KneesUp]

The best way to eat Kiwi fruit is to rub the whole fruit on something (e.g. your sleeve) to remove the fur and then eat it, skin and all.

I'd rather eat the sleeve.

 

[perplexed]

I decided for the first time ever to use a Costa 'drive-thru' today.


Me at the speaker thing: 'Just a flat white please'

Man at pay/collection window: 'Brown or white sugar?'

Me: 'Neither, I don't take sugar, thanks'

Man: 'Oh... are you sure?'

Me: 'Err, yes'

Man: 'It must be the customer before - he doesn't have sugar now in his coffee...'

Me: 'Mmm, possibly'

Man: 'Here's your flat white'

Me: 'Thanks'

Man: 'Sorry, it doesn't have a pattern on the top'

Me: 'That's ok'

Man: 'I'm not qualified - I haven't done the pattern training...'

 

[gbb]

I HATE it when people get all surprised when you don't know the answer to what is to them...a simple question. It is a simple question, but in that moment, one I didn't know the answer to. We covered diversity, health and safety, company dress code, blah blah blahdy blah, a veritable tsunami of info.
Trainer...repeating a training session I probably did 5 or 7 years ago , using a PowerPoint on her laptop.
'What timescale should you allow after diahorrea before coming back to work ?'


Now, I hadn't needed to ask that, know that or had it in maybe 10 years, barring that nugget of info 5 or 7 years ago....so I reply...
'Meh, maybe 3 days'
'It's 48 hours' she replied with a hint of surprise in her voice.
'Ok' I shrugged.
She continued explaining the reasons why like we are all schoolkids. Yeah yeah, I know why we need to do it I thought, I might be a bit slow sometimes but I'm not a fcuk wit.
So I start getting impish....
'Will we get this info on paper...not just the sickness reporting, but all the stuff we've been discussing?'
'Well no....we are trying to reduce our carbon footprint etc etc'
'Yebbut, we've discussed a deluge of company info, on top of the deluge of work related info I have to digest....in 3 days I won't even remember half of what we've talked about'
'Oh, well if you have any doubt about having diahorrea, just ask your supervisor '
'Sorry, you're not understanding...it's not about the sickness reporting, it's the amount of stuff we've talked about I need to remember. I'm not being awkward...I genuinely could refer back to some of this stuff later, it'd be useful to have a copy'

She isn't having it ...
'If you're not sure just ask your supervisor'

I soooooo had to bite my tongue...I was soooooo close to saying....
'So we can't have a paper copy then ?'

 

[wheresthetorch]

I HATE it when people get all surprised when you don't know the answer to what is to them...a simple question. It is a simple question, but in that moment, one I didn't know the answer to. We covered diversity, health and safety, company dress code, blah blah blahdy blah, a veritable tsunami of info.
Trainer...repeating a training session I probably did 5 or 7 years ago , using a PowerPoint on her laptop.
'What timescale should you allow after diahorrea before coming back to work ?'


Now, I hadn't needed to ask that, know that or had it in maybe 10 years, barring that nugget of info 5 or 7 years ago....so I reply...
'Meh, maybe 3 days'
'It's 48 hours' she replied with a hint of surprise in her voice.
'Ok' I shrugged.
She continued explaining the reasons why like we are all schoolkids. Yeah yeah, I know why we need to do it I thought, I might be a bit slow sometimes but I'm not a fcuk wit.
So I start getting impish....
'Will we get this info on paper...not just the sickness reporting, but all the stuff we've been discussing?'
'Well no....we are trying to reduce our carbon footprint etc etc'
'Yebbut, we've discussed a deluge of company info, on top of the deluge of work related info I have to digest....in 3 days I won't even remember half of what we've talked about'
'Oh, well if you have any doubt about having diahorrea, just ask your supervisor '
'Sorry, you're not understanding...it's not about the sickness reporting, it's the amount of stuff we've talked about I need to remember. I'm not being awkward...I genuinely could refer back to some of this stuff later, it'd be useful to have a copy'

She isn't having it ...
'If you're not sure just ask your supervisor'

I soooooo had to bite my tongue...I was soooooo close to saying....
'So we can't have a paper copy then ?'

Paper copies could be useful after the diarrhoea.

 

[numbnuts]

Seeing this thread, I have just realised I have not spoken to anybody today