My darling druggie
- Thread starter montage
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MacB
Lover of things that come in 3's
- Location
- Farnborough, Hampshire
If you go then go totally, no partial breaks
If you stay then make sure you're as secure as possible, minimise any damage that can be done to you physically and financially. An addict will cross boundaries you'd not consider and you need to make sure you're not dragged over with them. You probably know how to watch out for physical dangers but also keep an eye on things like your credit rating, valuables and property. The emotional toll can be massive though, try and make sure that you have a support structure in place for yourself. If you take this on it will be a big challenge, go in with your eyes open.
If you stay then make sure you're as secure as possible, minimise any damage that can be done to you physically and financially. An addict will cross boundaries you'd not consider and you need to make sure you're not dragged over with them. You probably know how to watch out for physical dangers but also keep an eye on things like your credit rating, valuables and property. The emotional toll can be massive though, try and make sure that you have a support structure in place for yourself. If you take this on it will be a big challenge, go in with your eyes open.
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
montage said:
No worries, I was just offering.
I do however think Poodles belong to some kind of wierd cult, .........along with parish councillors.
Mr Pig
New Member
- Location
- North Lanarkshire
Good friends of ours do a lot of work with addicts, I've met a lot of them, and I agree with what others have said. Unless the addict decides for themself that they have a problem there is no hope for them. What it takes to bring them to that point varies, if they get to that point at all. Some just destroy themselves.
You can still be a friend to someone who has a problem, but it's hard and dangerous. The probable outcome is that you get to watch them wreck their lives and if you're around you'll probably get burned too.
I actually think that the closer you are the more sense it makes to bail out. You will be too emotionally involved to be objective.Knowing when to switch off and being able to do it are important. I've watched a good friend of ours fight for years to help her junkie daughter only to realise there was nothing she could do. It's crap, but that's drugs for you.
You can still be a friend to someone who has a problem, but it's hard and dangerous. The probable outcome is that you get to watch them wreck their lives and if you're around you'll probably get burned too.
I actually think that the closer you are the more sense it makes to bail out. You will be too emotionally involved to be objective.Knowing when to switch off and being able to do it are important. I've watched a good friend of ours fight for years to help her junkie daughter only to realise there was nothing she could do. It's crap, but that's drugs for you.
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
User76 said:
No.
Just join the queue.
And it's a long one.
And I'm in it before you.
And before all you bleating heart liberals start moaning about 'human rights', dealers have chosen to use their rights to deal drugs to people, thereby forgoing any exemption from getting a right good kicking, in my book.
Besides, it's a 'liberal' society that has condoned drug use in the first place. They've made a right ******* mess of it, which others have to clean up.
col
Legendary Member
Bad situation, my own experience is that unless they want to come off the stuff they wont, and more problems will arise. They have to want your help. or your just wasting your time. Hard though it will be you need to pull away and stay away. If they have a change of heart then support them ,but if they dont, stay away. If they do want help be prepared for failure a few times, it depends how much your willing to put up with in the end. But ultimately you have to keep yourself safe, good luck I hope it works out.
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
I think it also depends on the sort of relationship you have with the other person as to whether or not you 'let go of the rope' and walk away.
I eventually let go on the basis that she was a grown up and making her own choices and decisions and I didn't want to play second fiddle to an addiction like that.
I eventually let go on the basis that she was a grown up and making her own choices and decisions and I didn't want to play second fiddle to an addiction like that.
spandex
I love Dr D
If you think you can help them with out hurting your self then try. If you think you can not do that get out now before you end up hating them or them you. But if you do get out and still wish to try and help stay close and pop in time to time it may be hard but one day they just might need you to help them.
BTW
I have been on both sides of this and it is not easy it just takes time 1 month - 5 years no one knows.
Good luck.
BTW
I have been on both sides of this and it is not easy it just takes time 1 month - 5 years no one knows.
Good luck.
User3143 said:
it's not harsh, it's practical, and motivated by a concern for Montage rather than anything else. Teenagers believe in their powers of reasoning and persuasion which they think of as being equal to their concern. It's not unusual for teenagers to take on 'charity cases' - people their own age who are in difficulties. Very often they feel obliged to.
All I'm saying is that they themselves are at a delicate age, and aren't best equipped to deal with it. Older people, who, when all is said and done, bear a greater responsibility, have a much better chance of effecting a change. My strongly held view is that Montage would be best advised to bring down the shutters on his emotional attachment to this person, and look after himself. He should simply inform those who bear a responsibility of the situation, as best he understands it.
To take as a very small example. The Kid comes home in a panic looking for her sleeping bag. A boy has apparently been thrown out of home, and is going to sleep in the park - not for the first time. It's December. The boy is invited in to our house, lent a bike (well, actually, a Brompton, so almost a bike) to go and get his own sleeping bag from his girlfriends place, comes back, we phone his parents simply to say 'don't worry about him, he's with us', and, by lunchtime the next day the adults have the thing sorted out. Had the kids been left to themselves he'd have been huddled under a tree in a wet sleeping bag.
Phone your local branch of Alcoholics Anonymous (I know it's drugs, but same problem) and see if they do a family support group, where you can go and meet other husbands, wives, friends and lovers of addicts. You might get some practical advice, and you will certainly get emotional support.
A.
A.
I have to agree about the person wanting help in the first place. The other thing to bear in mind is that if you try and lecture your friend in any way about the stupidity of what they're doing, you won't get anywhere. I know this as a lifelong smoker, anyone who tries to tell me that smoking is a pointless waste of money (I agree that it is!) will just make me dig my heels and be determined to carry on. Nobody likes being told what to do (even if you know it's good advice in the first place).
Rhythm Thief
Veteran
tyred said:
The government cracking down on smokers is one of the things that started me smoking in the first place.
Good luck Montage, I have no practical advice to offer you but there seems to be some good advice from others on this thread.
I have experienced this with a relative, so not as close as you, and mixed with a lot of people on the gear when I was younger, although it was never my thing. My thoughts for what it's worth.
As already said. Until they are ready to give up, you will not persuade them. Sad but true.
You are no longer dealing with your friend, you are dealing with a druggie. They will sell themselves for a hit. They will lie, cheat and steal from anybody including you. Their "friends" will do the same. Sad but true.
They usually have to hit rock bottom before they try to climb back. Sad but true.
Dealers are two a penny; a replacement will be there straight away. Getting rid of the dealer they know will not stop them. Sad but true.
Shop as many as you can without endangering yourself.
Montage do what is right for you. Do not get guilt tripped into staying in a place you are not comfortable with.
You are not letting go of the rope, you are holding a rope somebody else is letting go of. All you can do is be ready to throw that rope to them when they start to climb towards it.
I wish you and you friend all the strength and luck required to beat this.
As already said. Until they are ready to give up, you will not persuade them. Sad but true.
You are no longer dealing with your friend, you are dealing with a druggie. They will sell themselves for a hit. They will lie, cheat and steal from anybody including you. Their "friends" will do the same. Sad but true.
They usually have to hit rock bottom before they try to climb back. Sad but true.
Dealers are two a penny; a replacement will be there straight away. Getting rid of the dealer they know will not stop them. Sad but true.
Shop as many as you can without endangering yourself.
Montage do what is right for you. Do not get guilt tripped into staying in a place you are not comfortable with.
You are not letting go of the rope, you are holding a rope somebody else is letting go of. All you can do is be ready to throw that rope to them when they start to climb towards it.
I wish you and you friend all the strength and luck required to beat this.
