ben hur bike violence

[Abitrary]

Cycling through a shopping mall this evening, a couple of chavs on stolen MTBs going in the other direction made a barking noise at me, which I guess was designed to provoke me.

I gave it a bit of distance, and shouted back after them "and you'll never procure gainful employment!!!!".

They stopped, machinated and one shouted back after me "it's always the twunts wearing helmets, isn't it?".

I quite respected him for his swift insightful comeback, but was half hoping for him to chase me, draw level and get involved in a ben hur style headbutting war, where I would win in an ironic way.

Has anyone else done this?

 

[Melvil]

Not headbutting but certainly trying to get someone else off their bike. Yes. When we were kids 'bike wars' were very common...

 

[Abitrary]

I guess jousting with umbrellas is a possibility for uncoming chavs, but it's a bit presumptive that they are actually going to say something stupid.

 

[Melvil]

For your chavs I would fill some balloons/condoms(if you're feeling perverse) with a mixture of incredibly strong (and sweet) perfume and water and next time they say something just chuck 'em at 'em. Oh the f****rs would really rue the day!

 

[bonj2]

once as i was cycling through the park some chavs shouted 'f**ing cyclist - you self-gratification artist!' at me from quite far away like more than a few metres but not that far so as to have to shout really loud. The only thing I could think of to retort with was "bet this bike cost more than your bird!"

 

[Abitrary]

once as i was cycling through the park some chavs shouted 'f**ing cyclist - you self-gratification artist!' at me from quite far away like more than a few metres but not that far so as to have to shout really loud. The only thing I could think of to retort with was "bet this bike cost more than your bird!"

That's the only way to learn 'em. Hit em with the cold hard reality of their socio-economic and cultural status.

I normally try and make an effort to form a coherent sentence like in my retort of today, but if there is little time and resource I find that a good stock response is "you'll never get a job."

 

[Keith Oates]

Ignore them, that's the most effective way to act then they don't know if you've heard them or not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Chuffy]

That's the only way to learn 'em. Hit em with the cold hard reality of their socio-economic and cultural status.

I normally try and make an effort to form a coherent sentence like in my retort of today, but if there is little time and resource I find that a good stock response is "you'll never get a job."

Or swing round and whip them with your mullett.

 

[Maverick Goose]

Shout "we need men like you on the Russian Front"...

 

[Abitrary]

Shout "we need men like you on the Russian Front"...

I used to shout oblique stuff like that, to stun them, but I want some sort of half-arsed abuse back, kind of like a receipt.

 

[Fnaar]

Turn round slowly on your bike, puff yourself up and cycle back towards them. With any luck they'll run off... if they don't, you can challenge them to an arm wrestle, or perhaps trivial pursuits.