Let's face it: I don't have a great history with toasters. Me and them cannot co-exist in the same universe for too long. Sooner or later they give up: usually sooner. My current one, a Tesco cheapo has lasted longer than most, but just now it has refused to pop up my crumpets - choosing instead to send smoke signals billowing out of the kitchen, to apprise me that they are 'done'. And done were indeed, carbonised and wedged in. In despair (I have nothing else to eat), I yanked the lever, the blooming thing suddenly released its grip: they jumped out of their respective slots and tumbled onto the kitchen floor. So should I eat them, or consign them to the bin? I'm off for a spin soon and your verdict will decide whether I go on an empty stomach. Actually, there's a very old tin of chili kidney beans lurking at the back of the pantry, but I daren't risk those.