"For stupidity beyond the call of duty..."

[swee'pea99]

Today's winners:

"One Friday I got a call from a tenant complaining that her hot water was not working. I taught maths and physics when I was a schoolteacher and fancied myself a bit when it came to fixing things. But I couldn't work out what was wrong; the pilot light was on and there were no electrical faults. Then I discovered the problem. It wasn't the hot water – there was no water at all. She hadn't paid her water rates and those were the days when they could still cut you off for non-payment. Somehow she thought they had only cut off the cold water."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2010/mar/06/buy-to-let-golden-rules

 

[bonk man]

Similar thing .. sort of anyway..

Got up really early to go on a bike event, went downstairs, really strong smell of gas, fling open doors and windows, warn wife not to switch anything on etc, shut off gas, [ all this in the dark... ] try and work out what was leaking, check cooker gas knobs etc, nothing, so phone gas emergency number, bloke arrives in 10 minutes does a check and says " bad leak somewhere" ..

A search [ we have the lights on now and gas dispersed ] reveals that the stupid stepson has switched the oven on to make a pizza but not actually ignited it then forgotten that he had done it, the knob was at 180 degrees so looked off in the dark kitchen....

I don't know how he has survived 3 years at uni, maybe he has an chaperone to look after him.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Similar thing .. sort of anyway..

Got up really early to go on a bike event, went downstairs, really strong smell of gas, fling open doors and windows, warn wife not to switch anything on etc, shut off gas, [ all this in the dark... ] try and work out what was leaking, check cooker gas knobs etc, nothing, so phone gas emergency number, bloke arrives in 10 minutes does a check and says " bad leak somewhere" ..

A search [ we have the lights on now and gas dispersed ] reveals that the stupid stepson has switched the oven on to make a pizza but not actually ignited it then forgotten that he had done it, the knob was at 180 degrees so looked off in the dark kitchen....

I don't know how he has survived 3 years at uni, maybe he has an chaperone to look after him.

I blame the parents/guardians myself.............

 

[speccy1]

Similar thing .. sort of anyway..

Got up really early to go on a bike event, went downstairs, really strong smell of gas, fling open doors and windows, warn wife not to switch anything on etc, shut off gas, [ all this in the dark... ] try and work out what was leaking, check cooker gas knobs etc, nothing, so phone gas emergency number, bloke arrives in 10 minutes does a check and says " bad leak somewhere" ..

A search [ we have the lights on now and gas dispersed ] reveals that the stupid stepson has switched the oven on to make a pizza but not actually ignited it then forgotten that he had done it, the knob was at 180 degrees so looked off in the dark kitchen....

I don't know how he has survived 3 years at uni, maybe he has an chaperone to look after him.

I though gas ovens went from 1 to 9 rather than in degrees C

 

[TheDoctor]

And more stupidity...

A shop fitted a shelf above a door, using screws directly into plasterboard. No rawlplugs, no nothing. They then put the servers on the shelf to keep them out of the way, and sat back to admire their handiwork.
You lot can see what's coming, can't you?
Yes, the shelf fell down.
Yes, the computers were broked into bits.
Yes, it is completely your fault, so the IT service desk won't get you free replacements.
Yes, we will laugh about you.
Pillocks.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

my club has so far managed to put two long all-dayish events on firstly valentines day, and then mothers' day.

politically impossible dates in this house

 

[TheDoctor]

Somone on here organised a group ride on a Saturday, when many of the regulars were doing the FNRttC the night before...
3 of us, since you ask. Including the ride leader, who may look a little like me.
OK, quite a lot like me.

 

[slowmotion]

And more stupidity...

A shop fitted a shelf above a door, using screws directly into plasterboard. No rawlplugs, no nothing. They then put the servers on the shelf to keep them out of the way, and sat back to admire their handiwork.
You lot can see what's coming, can't you?
Yes, the shelf fell down.
Yes, the computers were broked into bits.
Yes, it is completely your fault, so the IT service desk won't get you free replacements.
Yes, we will laugh about you.
Pillocks.

That reminds me of The Contractor of the Year Award....
http://www.kingofforwards.com/fake-or-real/contractor-of-the-year-awards/

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

To someone ringing up a computer helpline complaining that her computer was not working, when the operator asked her to check something she said she couldn't see because there was a power cut.

 

[TheDoctor]

Pfffft!!
Had I witnessed that I'd probably still be laughing now!!!
Trouble is, we've all done those daft things that seem like a good idea at the time...

 

[swee'pea99]

Lee's just reminded me of this cracker from Vernon:

After the evening meal, I was sitting at the computer desk typing away and miding my own business when two of my offspring improvised a game of table tennis using their hands and a ping pong ball. After several glancing blows to my body I suffered a direct hit to my eye and decided to end the game forever.

I seized the ping pong ball with one hand and retrieved a chef,s blow torch from the back of the desk, lit the torch and then used the flame to ignite the ping pong ball - mistake number one. The celluloid is very flammable.

I succeeded in blowing out the flames but my smugness was premature. The ping pong ball spontaneously re-ignited - mistake number two - I'd forgotten that very flammable should have read extremely flamable.

Good bye smug grin, hello wide eyed panic preceding a panic driven juggling of a fiery chunk of plastic until the heat resistance of my epidermis was compromised and I dropped the burning remains on the not so cheap woollen carpet and stood on them to put them out. Lifting my foot the extinguished remains re-ignited. Mistake number three - extremely flammable should be replaced with extremely f'kin flammable.

Having failed to be educated by mistakes one to three I stood on the burning remains again and again for mistkes four and five until the fourth stamp successfully extinguished the flames.

My kids were in agony from laughing, my wife was in pain from screaming at me and I am currently living in Coventry being unable to apologise without laughing.

 

[Black Sheep]

I though gas ovens went from 1 to 9 rather than in degrees C

mine's in degrees C

yes it is gas