Jokes

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Greedo, 20 Apr 2010.

  1. Greedo

    Greedo Guest

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

    The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

    The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

    The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."



    Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. Guy
    behind the counter says, "Male or female?"

    Customer says, "Female."

    Counter guy asks, "Black or white?

    Customer says, "White."

    Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

    Customer says, "What does religion have to do with it?"

    Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up."
     
  2. I hardly dare say this, but :laugh::biggrin:
     
  3. Cubist

    Cubist Still wavin' Moderator

    Location:
    Ovver 'thill
    Both the above jokes are reproduced here courtesy of the Stoke Poges Home for Retired Witticisms.:laugh:
     
  4. ASC1951

    ASC1951 Guru

    Location:
    Yorkshire
    Ah, they've just emailed me one that was meant for Greedo.

    Youth walks into Boots and asks for some deodorant.
    "Certainly, sir. Ball or aerosol?"
    "Neither - it's for under me arms".



    [. . . . I thank you.]
     
  5. swee'pea99

    swee'pea99 Legendary Member

    Well I'd forgotten the first one and it's had me chuckling intermittently all day - so thanks Greedo!
     
  6. goo_mason

    goo_mason Champion barbed-wire hurdler

    Location:
    Leith, Edinburgh
    I went out for a wee stroll at lunchtime and got hit on the head by a Black Forest Gateaux and a Prawn Ring.

    Must be the fallout from Iceland.




    What's brown and peers in windows?
    A nosey sh*te
     
  7. Speicher

    Speicher Vice Admiral Moderator

    How many men does it take to replace the toilet roll?

























    No one knows, there is no evidence of this ever happening.
     
  8. Cubist

    Cubist Still wavin' Moderator

    Location:
    Ovver 'thill
    Alternative punchline is "If it ever happens we'll let you know."
     
  9. Cubist

    Cubist Still wavin' Moderator

    Location:
    Ovver 'thill
    Yorkshire accent and idiom time:


    What's black and white and moans?

    A nun with a monk on.
     
  10. BearPear

    BearPear Über Member

    Location:
    God's Own County

    I haven't heard this since I was young - and being Yorkshire myself, I love it!
     
  11. dave r

    dave r Dunking Diddy Dave Pedalling Pensioner

    Location:
    Holbrooks Coventry
    I was in a Chinese the other day. I asked for fish and chips.

    "You want salt and pepper on them?" the guy asked.

    "Yes please", I said. He reached into one trouser pocket and sprinkled on some salt from there. Then he reached into the other trouser pocket, produced some pepper and sprinkled that on.

    The bloke behind me in the queue leaned over my shoulder and whispered,

    "For Gawd's sake, mate, don't ask for vinegar".
     
  12. Corvette chic

    Corvette chic Guest

    Location:
    Accrington
    I've started cage fighting and won my first fight earlier today...






    that budgie didn't know what'd hit him :laugh:
     
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