Management Speak

[MossCommuter]

Probably been done before but I just came across a new one:

"headcount numbers are flexing downwards"

Do you have to go on a course to learn to speak like that?

 

[CharlieB]

Probably. After all, it just wouldn't be blue-sky thinking if everybody wasn't singing from the same hymn sheet.

 

[Fnaar]

Thanks for running that up our flagpole

 

[ChrisKH]

Heard today after merger discussions:-


"No, you're not in the "at risk" category; you've already dived into the redundancy pool using the 3 metre board".

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Clock out and f*ck off.

Mind you that was in the good old days before all this employment law bollocks got in the way of a good sacking.

 

[TVC]

Going forward.

Sadly this seems to have been adopted into the main stream now after the BBC started using it.

 

[ColinJ]

Going forward.

Sadly this seems to have been adopted into the main stream now after the BBC started using it.

Along with fire fight, training up and many other such monstrosities!

 

[Firestorm]

There are no salary reviews this year

Followed 6 months later by

there is no Christmas bonus this year



alternatively ....Target Demographic...

 

[661-Pete]

Excuse me while I try to come up with one - I'll need to think outside the box...

 

[mcshroom]

Well our "grown ups" have recently had a "Rapid Improvement Event" to discuss the implementation of "Plant Modification Proposals".

 

[Arch]

Excuse me while I try to come up with one - I'll need to think outside the box...

There was a thing about this on Breakfast this morning, and one vox pop said that now that so many people are thinking outside the box, he was intending to think inside it to be different....

 

[Night Train]

We get 'Value Added'.

Thinking inside the box is good. Stops all the stupid ideas falling out and contaminating the work place.

 

[Maz]

Have a Bio-break....This one had me in stitches. I had to put the phone on mute, so as not to offend the Yank that said it.

 

[PaulSecteur]

You only have to watch the apprentice to hear managemnt speak spewed out.

 

[Salad Dodger]

Whatever happened to "POETS" Day? (P*** off early, tomorrow's Saturday) for those too young to remenber it....