Monday joke

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col

Legendary Member
A guy is driving through Hartlepool and sees a sign in front of a house
that reads, "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell to inquire and
the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the
backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5
about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country
to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no
one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most
valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job
at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious
characters and listen in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was
awarded a batch of medals."

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.

"Ten quid," the guy says.

"Ten quid? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."
 

Mr Pig

New Member
Ha ha ha ha... like it :0)
 
OP
OP
col

col

Legendary Member
A man and a woman who had never met before,


but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly,
he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?
I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
'Wow! That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own bloody blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.


The End
 
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