Quarter life crisis...

[lady_rider]

Ok, so maybe actually just-under-a-third life crisis... has anyone been there? Mega qualified, really ambitious until I achieved a massive goal I set myself from my teens, but now having achieved that in my 20s, at 30 I find myself bored and ambitionless, with no knowledge of my life passions, beliefs, goals... I kind-of drag myself from day to day wondering what exactly I'm going to do with the rest of my life as I have no aims. I'm job searching at the moment but it's pretty hard when you have no idea what you want to do...

So here's some questions...
1. Anyone been through this horrible stage?
2. Any suggestions on how to find my goals?
3. What are your fundamental life beliefs that you aim towards, and/or your goals?

 

[vernon]

Relax. Ambition isn't everything that it's made out to be.

 

[Night Train]

My third life crisis happened when I was in my mid 30's.
I was in an office based job doing very little work and nothing constructive. I booked some holiday and took an intensive course to get my motorbike licence. I then bought a Harley Davidson Night Train, hence my username.
After another year or so I had changed jobs to a very well payed office job but it was still unfullfilling. One Friday I went to see my managed and requested to book my leave effective immediately due to stress. It was given to me. I then handed in my notice for the same period returned to my desk, cleared it and left.
No one in the office knew, I didn't know until that afternoon when I typed up my notice unsure if I was going to hand it in. I just did it and walked away.

In search for something to do I decided that I didn't want to be an electrician, an earlier trade I had, but I was good at making things with wood. I collected my tools together and went off door knocking. Initially I went to friends and friends of friends to do their DIY and minor repairs. That took off and I gained a number of regular clients that i stil work for now.
In the process I found that I wanted to be artistically creative in my work and so I looked for college courses.

I enrolled on a carpentry and joinery course in Salford but then found a furniture course in Burnley College and went for that instead.
Within a few days of being on the C&G class I was upgraded to the HND full time. After a few months I was teaching ad hoc electrical classes for the college.
When I completed my course, winning top student awards both years I was offered a furniture class to teach. I also sold the Harley and used the money to build and equip a workshop at home and haven't looked back.

I have been teaching at Burnley College now for 5 years (on teacher training now to become a qualified teacher), have a furniture workshop and commissions to make and I still do some repairs and DIY work for my clients who have seen me through the financially difficult period of study.

This change in life style has also allowed me to undertake an MSc in Environmental Architecture, the design and devlopment of an electric tractor and an electric commuting reverse trike and has taken me onto the theatrical stage, where I build theatre sets, act sing and dance. I recently had to turn down an audition at the Lowry due to my teaching commitments.

I have little money in comparison to before but I am happy, settled and stress free almost all of the time. Even the stress I do get is minimal.

 

[HelenD123]

Last year, at 30 something I quit my job and went on a cycle tour for 6 months. Would that count as a third-life crisis?

I can't offer any career advice as I'm currently working out what to do next myself. Good luck!

 

[asterix]

No, I am still on my journey to becoming King of the World.

 

[vernon]

Night Train!

You are too busy to be ambitious!

Lady Rider - you need to look at what will give you fulfilment salary or a sense of purpose in life.

I walked away from a £10k per year job in retail in 1983 to have a year out on a student grant of £1600 before starting to teach on around £6000 per year.

I'm still teaching, still get some kicks out of it despite the turbulence of political interference. There's never a dull moment. Perhaps you might like to investigate it as an option.

 

[accountantpete]

Wait till you reach the mid-life crisis stage - it's far worse - especially if you're going bald!

 

[Fab Foodie]

Have a family.... you'll be too bloody busy to worry about anything else....

 

[RecordAceFromNew]

Fwiw, based on my experience I think your feeling of having achieved various aims is not uncommon - it can feel a bit empty, the alternative of wallowing in one's success is sad! I also think ambition per se can actually be a burden, it can make people try too hard, and perhaps even do the wrong things.

If one of those things you have achieved is financial security (e.g. being able to live happily on just the incomes from your investments), perhaps you can try to identify a career a) where you would be doing what you are good at and would enjoy and b) doing it right. I think a) is fairly obvious, but b) can be pretty hard to achieve, and is probably what will provide the thrill and true satisfaction. Why the financial security bit? It does help one to achieve a) and b) without having to compromise.

 

[Rhythm Thief]

Just do what I do and don't bother setting goals for yourself. It's much more interesting just ambling through life rudderless seeing what happens. At least, it's always worked reasonably well for me.

 

[Fab Foodie]

Helping create sucess and satisfaction in others and helping others achieve their goals is far more satisfying and enduring than achieving sucess for yourself....

 

[ttcycle]

Firstly, congragulations on achieving your goal. The first thing is to remember that and to celebrate that achievement. Sometimes being highly driven, there is always a process so when you achieve the processes to get to the goal, often it can feel empty/like an anticlimax.

I'm going through this stage presently, trying to get myself back on track and doing something (professionally and in my personal life) that I love.
I can say from my experience that not to drive yourself too hard as you can burn yourself out (I think that's where I am at the moment, so trying to slowly get back on my feet)

Things that might help;
do some courses or are there any hobbies that interest you that you would like to do full time?
Chatting with some mates who know you really well, to help you unpick stuff or conversely someone who doesn't know you who can give a fresh perspective.
Taking it easy if the answers don't come through straight away
thinking through what would make you happy - ie for me; working creatively, abandoning jobs that are a, trying to change the world or help others at a very big cost to myself (ie if you derive esteem and recognition from work, make sure it's healthy and not in some ways trying to 'save yourself'); having more autonomy in my working life, being able to think in my work and not be criticised for it etc etc..these will become apparent when you think about things that have pissed you off about previous work.

I'm still working on it; I think that it's important to have things to work on every now and then- life for me is not about completion and ticking boxes but about constantly growing, passion and feeling stimulated with what's going on and what comes with that is the whole continual assessment. The thing I'm trying to work on is: taking risks to get gains- I've been through a hell of a lot and some of that has made me quite risk averse and also to celebrate the achievements, no matter how small but the fundamental thing underlying all this is:

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - things sometimes take time to become clear but without self belief you have nothing.

I'm probably warbling a bit and not being detailed enough but I'm a bit mind foggy at the moment -feel free to PM.

Good luck- it'll be an interesting journey for you!

 

[Norm]

Ok, so maybe actually just-under-a-third life crisis... has anyone been there? Mega qualified, really ambitious until I achieved a massive goal I set myself from my teens, but now having achieved that in my 20s, at 30 I find myself bored and ambitionless, with no knowledge of my life passions, beliefs, goals... I kind-of drag myself from day to day wondering what exactly I'm going to do with the rest of my life as I have no aims. I'm job searching at the moment but it's pretty hard when you have no idea what you want to do...

So here's some questions...
1. Anyone been through this horrible stage?
2. Any suggestions on how to find my goals?
3. What are your fundamental life beliefs that you aim towards, and/or your goals?

IMO, and from what works for me, don't have a goal, have a direction.

To use a geographical simile, if you have a goal of reaching Felixstowe, then you have a specific tight target, any deviation feels like you are going the wrong way and, once you have reached Felixstowe, then you have nothing.

However, if you have a direction to travel east, it's not set in stone, there is no "east" that you can reach so you can never get the deflation of realising your dream isn't all you hoped. Also, you can deviate between just east of north to just east of south, they are all still heading east, you can head in any east you like but you will never get there.

You could still set waypoints along the way to travelling east but you'll know that each one isn't the end-game, it's just a stopping point along the way.

Sorry if that sounds a bit weak and non-specific but, not knowing much about any individuals on the board, I wouldn't presume to say exactly what anyone should do with their life. Your direction could be to keep learning, to keep improving, to keep broadening your experiences, visiting new places, trying new things, any of these could be a direction.

 

[fossyant]

It's tricky............

I was a Finance Director at 29 of a £10m company, but the Chief Exec was an ass..... I left, took a pay cut and joined a construction company, but was soon Financial Controller of a £200m company...... BUT........... I was working away, doing long hours, lack of cycling etc..............

Those two jobs from being 29 to 37 years old taught me............. (only nearly 41 now.....) get a reasonable job, and enjoy life/family............ I walked when I was 37, from a well paid job, to a job with an accountancy firm, promised loads, turned out crap - left it within 6 weeks to nothing..... took contract work for 3 months and then ended up where I am now.... in public sector....... Plus side is good holidays/pension, down side is the politics of the job.... love helping out folk with costing bids/managing money, but the worse folk to work with are....yes the Finance people............

My ideal job would be to work as a bike mechanic, but........it won't pay my mortgage........... so you have to compromise. I'm a good accountant, but I leave that at the office.............

 

[Arch]

Approaching 30, I was in the same deadend supermarket job I'd been in since I was 18, and flunked my A levels. I'd done an OU degree, but it hadn't 'got me anywhere'. One day I just woke up and thought "I'd like to study archeaology at university, full time". So I applied and got a place at York. I loved it, and it showed, because I worked damn hard, and got a first, and then a distinction at MSc, and took on a PhD, with the idea of staying in academia for ever.

Nearly 3 years in, I was just starting to feel a bit jaded by it, and then I lost a very dear boyfriend. Somehow after that, it didn't matter so much any more. I tried to get back to it, even took a year out to try and get straight, but it didn't work. So, just over a year ago, with the deadline rapidly approaching, and huge amounts still to do, I chucked it in, and was lucky enough to fall into a job with the local recycling charity (I'd worked for them as a casual fill-in collector).

Now, at 41, I'm doing a useful outdoor job, with people I like a lot, earning relatively little, but happy, and no great responsibility to take home at the end of the day. The future, for various reasons, seems bright. Not sure what the moral is, but the one feature I can see throughout is sudden decisions, that worked out ok. So if you ever have any inkling of something you want to do, however wild it seems, have a go.