The long road ahead...

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Well, on Monday I had the news I'd been dreading...my mother has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. Not sure what to say because I'm still in shock.

Cycling up till now has been very much a part of my life since my daughter was born some four years ago now - I've rediscovered me' 'yoof, lost a few pounds, had many a fine discussion with my self, ridden thousands of miles, done a few sportives, some club rides, signed up for crazy feats like the Etape in July, and to add to that began my competitive cycling this week with my first TT of 2012 (only my 3rd ever) and my first road race today. It's also been a massive help, the odd tear in the saddle this week on some very long training rides, coupled with some meditative thoughts, perhaps a degree of reconciliation with what is about to happen. And when I needed to, just to empty my mind of all thoughts and concentrate on the steady cadence and the feeling of the drops on my gloves as the gentle whir of the wheels cuts through the lovely May evenings, up and over the Mendips, past the Chew Lake and home, I've done so.

I buried my head rather on Tuesday evening having returned from my mum's place. She should be in France this time of year enjoying her early retirement. I wasn't going to go out time trialling but I did in the end, hurriedly fitted my 60mm to my standard road bike and went for it. There was a field of some 14 riders, some Clevedon and others not. The best finishing time was around 22'40 and I came in 5th at 24'49. Room for improvement but not so bad.

I'd love to say I'd also done well today on the road race but that would be a lie...;). I should have placed myself nearer the front at the beginning of the race and you know when you do something so much it becomes second nature, like clicking in your cleats? Well, today that went wrong and they slipped! By the time I was in, the field had just started and were around 20 yards ahead of me. I caught up with some effort but with the first ascent of Stowey Hill (there were 7 more to come) I found myself behind, so so much for sticking with the pack. I tried my best to get back in, caught a few groups on the 2nd lap, realised that there had been a pretty nasty crash and lots of retirements, thought, it's time to go for it, so I did, started making up some ground but was never going to catch up. Then - and it might have been just as well - I got a puncture on the 3rd ascent up the hill. Truth is, I wasn't ready for that pace so still have lots of work to do. Next season perhaps, but this season now, I'm going to concentrate on endurance riding at my own pace. I know if I don't stick with the group from the start, then that's basically it. A steep learning curve in more ways than one so perhaps next time I'll go for a flatter profile.

I know my mum's not scared, and what's more, whatever the outcome, fifth or last, whenever I'm out on the road she'll be with me. I never thought cycling would take on the spiritual element it has, changing my lifestyle, giving me focus, awareness of what I eat more and more, drinking less, and now contemplation on two wheels.
 

defy-one

Guest
I can totally empathise dude, my mother is disappearing in front of my eyes, with dementia, she no longer knows who I am, and has no speech, nor can she walk. I know the end is coming sooner rather than later, but life goes on. Spend as much time as you can with her, and enjoy the time you have left. As you have so eloquently said - she will always be with you.
 

Archie_tect

De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
Location
Northumberland
Does your mum have time to do all those things she/you want to do... when a friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer, we had the chance to take him to places he wanted to go to... the trips gave us some really good laughs about things that we'd done and took on a more peaceful, contemplative mood as he grew weaker.

It's not easy but it's a time you'll appreciate later MR.
 

Gromit

Über Member
Location
York
My mum was given 6 months in May 2010, she passed away on 27th April 2012. My sister looked after her everyday for those two years. I left college in early February to help to look after her and support my sister.

For the first year my mum took apricot kernels when the cancer came back for the 3rd time, as the doctors said they could not do anything for her, they may have helped to prolong her life for a bit.

In the end we prayed for her to be released from her pain. She passed peacefully away at home it was what she wanted.

I knew I was taking the risk by going back to college, but you have to do things that make you happy. I was very luck to be able to stop what I was doing when I was needed. I suspect other people are unable to do that.

Enjoy the time you have left with your mum and build happy memories before the nastiness of the rotten illness sets in.
 
Horrible news Sam, but at least you have a little time to let it all sink in and prepare.

Let's hope she doesn't suffer.
 

Salad Dodger

Legendary Member
Location
Kent Coast
I am sorry to hear your news. Your posts made me re-evaluate my situation.

My mum is 85 and diabetic, and the usual long term consequences of diabetes are beginning to manifest themselves: failing eyesight and circulatory disorders to the legs and feet which cause ulcers that take a long, long time to heal, if at all. And the odd low blood sugar episode that seems to be occurring rather more frequently these days.

Basically, the poor thing is wearing out, and I must recognise that she will not be a part of my life - the one constant that has always been a part of my life from day one - for much longer. She would never admit it, but I guess she is just a tiny bit frightened of what the future holds for her.

I get frustrated with her sometimes, but reading your posts has put all that into perspective, and reminded me that I should value our time together far more than I have been doing. So thank you for making me take a fresh look at how far down that long road I, too am travelling...
 

Janeyb

Senior Member
My dad died in November from mesothelioma - a lung cancer caused by asbestos. The one piece if advice from me would be - tell your mum you love her as much as you can. Anything you need to say - say it to ensure you've no regrets when the time comes.
 

bicyclos

Part time Anorak
Location
West Yorkshire
My thoughts are with you and sad to read about it. Keep up with the cycling for focus as it helped me when my dear close friend passed away 2yrs ago with the same illness. I spent some quality time with him the last 6months of his life which I will never forget.The big things we did to the simple things like eating a cheese sandwich sat in the sun chatting about silly things and enjoying each others company [priceless]. I hope your mum gets the best care she needs.

regards
 
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