The BBC have started sending me threatening letters. Big men may knock on my door day or night, and if I pretend not to be in, they'll come back. Oooh, like I'm so scared. I don't watch telly or iplayer. I spend my time more constructively here, YouTube or trolling the Telegraph comments sections. I don't even have any reception since broadcast went digital. And they ruined Dr Who. I'll tell them that.