What is is with Parents

[fossyant]

As some of you may know, I'm a parent helper at our local Beaver Scouts - well, I say that, I'm actually running it with the help of two other parents. I'm not yet 'official' and have been helping for about 3 years - my son is moving to Scouts soon. I also help out with cub camping as well. I know a few folk on here are Scout leaders too.

Anyway, we always struggle with help - we're maxed out at 24 kids, with over 20 on the waiting list (could have a second group - but.....).

As you know, I'll be off work from this week for a shoulder operation, and it's unwise for me to be running Beavers whilst off sick. So, asked our other leaders and no-one is available until late February (mainly down to start time as Beavers is early - 6.00pm).

Last week I sent out a nice letter asking for help for the next month or so as we are really short of help.

Out of the 24 parents (exclude the two who currently help) not one offered to help. As a result, Beavers won't now run until the end of Feb until a warranted leader can be there.

To top it off, both my helpers couldn't make it last night, so by the time the parents left, it was me, a 15 year old Explorer (senior scout who helps) and a 'young' carer for one of our kids with autism, that's it - not really acceptable, or indeed safe !

I'm getting so hissed off with the lack of support, I'm thinking of making all new parents argree to help out a few times a year.

To top this off, there is a big 25 years of Beavers event coming up in June, but it's on the day of my daughter's birthday, so I will most likely be away. If their kids are to go to this, then I'm going to have to insist that a fair proportion of parents attend this event.

It's just a baby sitting service. It's also the same with cubs - they have over 30 kids, and I've volunteered to go down as an extra set of hands as they have so many (oh and a few little sh**s that have just joined who need watching).

The kids have a great time, their parents always remark how much the kids love it, but no-one will help.

Anyway rant over - interested to see what other people think !

 

[ventoux50]

Fossyant - mate I understand exactly where you are coming from with this.

My little lad is waiting to join our local beaver troup, and one of the conditions of entry is that parents agree to become involved in activities - that commitment alone can be enough to deter some people !

At the moment my lad is involved in the local football club, rugby union club, tennis club, swimming club, and various after school clubs.

To be fair, most of the clubs involved have excellent coaches who are (like you) very dedicated to the kids, which is fantastic to see.

Sometimes though the coaches need a bit of help and it really p's me off to see the dads (and some mums) standing around with glazed eyes, or texting, or trying to be so cool that they couldn't possibly be seen to enjoy their kids sport.

I get the impression that most parents are simply going through the motions delivering the kid to the session, so they can natter on to their mates about 'our Johnny does this' or 'our johnny does that' - actually making themselves feel good through BS.

I actively involve myself in everything my lad does, not by being a pushy parent but by enjoying sport with him. I'm not bothered if I slip in the mud and make a fool of myself, because I know my lad will always remember things like that with happiness.

Unfortunately, those parents who are willing to involve themselves seem to be few and far between, maybe sometimes it's because they feel clumsy, or don't like to volunteer for fear of being turned away and losing face ?

(lets be honest some coaches/ leaders are a bit too precious and enjoy the power trip thing a bit too much !)

I reckon you need to send out a letter explaining that if parents don't become involved then there is a danger the troop will have to fold. perhaps approach parents directly and ask them to help out on a specific date to tie them in to it.
Maybe you could hold a parents meeting and explain to them the difficulties of running the group pretty much single handed and introduce a 'clause' into membership saying that a certain amount of volunteering is required as a condition of membership ?

To be honest if you've been helping out informally for 3 years then I think the scout association should be looking at the way they run the troop and appointing a 'qualified' scout leader to run it (careful - that might be you ! )


Good luck with the shoulder op Fossyant, and I hope you recover well, and good luck with the parents.

And Thank You, for becoming involved in the first place and obviously caring so much about the kids you look after.
Keep up the good work !

 

[Crackle]

[sup][sub]Fossy, rare are the people who can do this stuff and I take my hat off to them and you because it's not something I would want, nor am maybe capable of doing, at least not week in and week out. I'm always grateful to whoever runs clubs which my kids attend and fully support what they do without criticism. Only once have I ever approched a football coach to complain about the running of a club but then so did every other parent and he later left the club after he punched a parent out (yes really).

So, suggestion: A youth club my kids used to go to had an organising committee with people in overall charge but key to it's success was a rota of parents. Basically if your child wanted to attend you had to go on the rota to help out and it was your responsibility to find someone else to go if you couldn't make it. It wasn't onerous as it worked out to about once every six weeks and there was a bit of a tradition to bringing some biscuits or cake with you.[/sub][/sup]

 

[Fab Foodie]

Sympathies, it's not easy and this is why many scout and guide packs are closing.

The one my kids went to (Sea Scouts) however is absolutely thriving and parental support is never a problem and I hope this is the reason why is this.

Firstly they are fortunate in that the main players are part of a scouting family, so there is a good bedrock of internal support. but the real reason they are successful (and have a long waiting list) is that they make scouting/beavering as much fun and social for the parents as it is for the kids. When the kids are too old to go the parents want to continue to be involved because it's so much fun.

There are sleepovers in the hall (Kids asleep, out with Pizzas and beer), the family camp has a 'setting-up' night for dads before-hand which goes-on late into the evening with a fire, chinese and ... beer. In fact, most of the activities end-up being social excuses for the dad's and hence there's a lot of volunteering.

I don't know if it would work with your group, but it works for ours. Beer and fun make for willing volunteers!

 

[mark barker]

I went to our local beaver scout group last night as they were advertising for group leaders on gumtree! Had a good chat with the current leader and he suggested similar problems. 24 children, 3 parent helpers, none of which are willing to commit to anything. I'm sure the parents that drop them off and return an hour later would be the first to write into local newspapers to complain if the group had to close.

 

[ChrisKH]

Mrs KH helps out with the local Beaver group so I am well aware of the problems with parents, however, it's not always one way. The local cub leader is, well, to put it politely, controlling and they could quite easily run two packs but even with the offer of assistance he has decided to keep it at one. Now I have every respect for people who offer their free time to run Beavers/Cubs/Scouts but it seems to me sometimes the biggest impediment to change is themselves and also the politics that is involved. I mean, if there is scope for a second troop or pack what help, advice or assistance is being offered to the parents of those Beavers/Cubs going up to start or create a new one?

 

[MacB]

Both Jane and I helped, Jane far more so, with our local Beavers but our children didn't want to carry on to Scouts so we've let it slide. I did a couple more camps and my wife carried on for a year, but it became impossible when she was at university. I feel marginally guilty but, to be honest, when we did help we were effectively providing a childminding service, in the eyes of a lot of the parents.

Unfortunately that seems to be the way things have headed, more parents working, often longer distances from home and a lot of activities are basically only enrolled in as a form of after school club. There is no real interest in the activities themselves and how they expand their childs knowledge base and confidence levels.

This is where the 'big society' idea falls down a bit, we know how it's meant to work but way too many seem to want to take without giving back.

 

[CharlesF]

When we lived in South Africa we were both involved in Scouts and Brownies. In both cases many kids were "dumped" with us as it was a cheap babysitting service and those parents weren't interested in helping at all.

We found approaching parents with a specific request or task usually resulted in a positive response. A general request was ignored, partly because everyone reckon someone else would do it or were scared off because they didn't understand what exactly they would be letting themselves in for.

Now we are living here, what puts us off getting involved with children are the horror stories of innocent people who are involved with children being accused of child abuse. Unfortunately, this has recently happened a young teacher we know. A pupil accused him of assault and he was immediately suspended. Six months later, the police have cleared him of any wrong but he now has to return to the school and face this child every day.

 

[jack the lad]

In the group I was involved with (a few years back now) the parents took to dropping off their kids further and further away from the scout hut, so you couldn't collar them to ask for any support. Nothing worked - no response to requests for rota, no involvement in fundraising. Eventually the hut fell down and the group closed.

Sports groups were better, but only so if the quid pro quo was that little Johnny got into the first team, whether he has talent or not.

 

[dellzeqq]

Fossy - look at it this way. You're providing something that the parents of your Beaver group won't provide and probaby can't provide. Doesn't that make the whole thing even more valuable? However much of a pain it is, why not give yourself an extra pat on the back for doing something for those kids that nobody else is willing to do.

I don't usually indulge in this kind of thing, but in this case it's entirely appropriate.

 

[fossyant]

Cheers Dell, I do enjoy it, and we all have a good laugh.

The whole group is backed by two Scouting families - without them it wouldn't be there. I should be warrented by now, but our local District Body are very slow....

It just gets me how pushy some of the parents are - I had five parents moaning like hell, he got in first etc. recently, when I explained we were full, had a huge waiting list, and had enough kids for a second pack, if someone wanted to run it.

I really think we need a new policy that parents help at oh, erm, two weekly meetings a year - that would have us covered.

We are thinking of some more 'family' events - just to drag them in.

 

[Over The Hill]

Yes some are sadly too busy to bring up their own kids let alone have some input with other peoples.


Looking at your problem it seems to me the world is divided into those that think they have too much to do and those with too little.
Parents seem to think they are in the former and so will not step forward.
What about pitching to active retired people? They tend to have more time and may welcome the extra dimension in their life. The Grandparent relationship is often lost with people relocating.

 

[ianrauk]

Thinking about to when I was a scout (Patrol leader Woodpecker troop 1st Morden) We had 3 patrols of aprox 8 kids each. And of course the cubs and the adventure scouts too. This was the mid/late 70's so parents seemed to have more time. There was less TV, no computers, no games machines etc and I think back then they actually enjoyed helping out the Scout troop. I do remember having bring and buy sales, jumble sales etc and most of the parent's turned up to help. When the hut needed repairing or the ground's needed mowing or a bit of a clean up, the parent's would rally round to help out. And when the troop came back from annual Scout camp, the parent's were waiting to help unload all the gear and air the tents.

I think it's the world we live in these days. And it's a sad state of affairs. As others have said, most parent's now seem to treat it as a babysitting service. I can't wait until my little nipper is old enough to go to cubs and scouts and I will be first in the queue to help out as my parent's did back in the day. It's all part of the fun, getting involved with what your kids are doing and letting them see that.

 

[byegad]

Liability worries and positive vetting. That's the two main reasons why my local Wargaming club won't take under 18s.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Try standing in a pub and telling everyone you are a scoutmaster, then watch the eyebrows raise and listen to the sniggers.

Unfortunate attitudes, but that's the way it is and is probably what puts many people off.