Feeling railroaded by giving a colleague a lift into work

[johnnyb47]

Hi,
Shortly after the Covid lockdown ended, I started giving a work colleague a lift into work.
He's a Bulgarian guy and I was quite happy to help out and give him a lift every working day.We get on well and he's absolutely no trouble whatsoever.
The problem is that over the years his friends have become aware of this and started asking on the odd occasion if they could have a lift (usually because there car had broken down ect)
Now I didn't mind helping out on the odd occasion because I know only too well what it's like to be without a car here in Wales as the public transport system is very poor.
It's started to escalate though this year in that,when I get to the works car park I'm finding random work colleagues standing around my car waiting for a lift home (and on occasions I don't even know them)
It really puts me on the spot as I can't just simply say no to them and leave them stranded with no means of getting home.
It's really starting to annoy me now because my once quiet space inside the car is now full of people talking a foreign language which I only partly understand.
How can I put an end to all this without offending others and by me not feeling guilty or mean spirited.

 

[Gunk]

Play oompah music full volume, works for me!

 

[Brandane]

Cycle to work. Or at least, cycle PART of the way to work. Even if you park your car reasonably close to work and pedal the last wee bit, who's to know? Once they find alternative transport home, you can revert to having your quiet space to yourself again.

 

[annedonnelly]

Does your regular passenger contribute to fuel costs? I'd hope he does. So I'd be asking the random passengers for a payment too.

Or start being less reliable - with a few days notice tell your regular chap that you won't be able to drive him home on a certain day. Give him time to make other arrangements but any randoms who turn up that evening will be stuck. Might have to do it a few times but surely they'll get the message.

I once went to an organised event that finished after midnight. Others had come by public transport and made no arrangements for getting home. One of the organisers said to them (not me) "Oh Anne lives in that direction. She'll drop you off". I ended up with a car full and actually having to take a different route home to drop them off.

 

[johnnyb47]

It can be claustrophobic sometimes.
I mean I can't go anywhere different after work because I've got passengers wanting to get home,My car is getting knocked about and I don't get a minutes peace and quiet whilst driving.In the morning I'm rushing around at home getting ready because I don't want to be late in picking anybody up and at the end of day I'm rushing to get the job done before I clock out which means I'm losing out on precious overtime.
My car doesn't feel like it's mine anymore.
I'm going to have to say something and put my foot down on this as it can't continue.
Do I make up lame excuses with B/S and feel bad for lying or just say no this ends now and cause offence

 

[lazybloke]

Make your car less hospitable to invaders by eating plenty of artichokes until you can fart loudly, frequently, and on demand.

Even more effective if you have a few pints of dark rich ale the night before, to make the farts even more offensive/toxic.

 

[oldwheels]

Take your overtime and sometimes go somewhere else after work. They would then find you unreliable for transport and have to make other arrangements.

 

[johnnyb47]

They do contribute some money towards fuel in all fairness, I don't mind giving the one guy a lift as I drop him off on the way home but I have to go out of my way usually to drop the others off..
I've even considered changing car for a two seater convertible to solve the dilemma as my car is an old high mileage dinosaur now

 

[Joffey]

Put the back seats down and add boxes?

 

[Joffey]

They do contribute some money towards fuel in all fairness, I don't mind giving the one guy a lift as I drop him off on the way home but I have to go out of my way usually to drop the others off..
I've even considered changing car for a two seater convertible to solve the dilemma as my car is an old high mileage dinosaur now

Get a van!

 

[Brandane]

I'm rushing to get the job done before I clock out which means I'm losing out on precious overtime.

Why do this? Take your time and don't lose out on overtime. That way they are not going to be able to rely on you for transport, so they will have to find alternatives. If it was me, I would be making a point of being unreliable! That way you get your overtime, AND your quiet space on the way home.

 

[Brandane]

Get a van!

Get a motorbike!

 

[johnnyb47]

I was thinking of making up a terrible excuse that i have to travel into work from a different direction as I caring for an ill member of family early in the morning and after work.
I feel bad about lying though

 

[HobbesOnTour]

@johnnyb47 you've already answered your own question.....

I mean I can't go anywhere different after work because I've got passengers wanting to get home,

My car is getting knocked about

I don't get a minutes peace and quiet whilst driving.In the morning

I'm rushing around at home getting ready because I don't want to be late in picking anybody up

I'm rushing to get the job done before I clock out which means I'm losing out on precious overtime.

My car doesn't feel like it's mine anymore.

Do I make up lame excuses with B/S and feel bad for lying or just say no this ends now and cause offence

It's not clear to me if you'd be happy to keep helping out the first chap or not. If yes, I'd explain all the above to him and make it his responsibility to put the word out. After x time no more lifts except for the original 'situation'.

If not, then I'd explain all the above to everyone, give them a cut off date, say in 2 or 3 weeks and that's all your obligations more than taken care of.

There is nothing selfish, there are no lies, you are reclaiming your space and control and you're giving everyone time to source alternatives. It's a win win win situation.

You may also want to investigate a bit of assertiveness training. Some of us are not naturally very good at speaking up for ourselves. An alternative would be a WhatsApp or email, but in this case, speaking face to face is probably best. Apologies if I offend.

Good luck!

 

[Beebo]

Sometimes you have to say no.
It will make you feel awful in the short term but ultimately you will feel better for it.
Learning to say no is difficult for some people.