purplemoon
New Member
- Location
- Cambs/Suffolk
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan .
In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.
Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
It's also been reported that Judo Bank has taken a fall and is throwing staff out, and while all this is going on, Zen Bank is contemplating what to do next.
Whilst over in India, the Karma Sutra Bank has changed it's position - saying that instead an increase in activity it foresees flaccid deflation. The Bombay Bank ducked media questions about sub-prime assets. The Delhi Belly Bank is reported to be losing money at both ends.
But there is some good news - ICICI Bank has been saved and taken over by the industrial coatings giant AkzoNobel, known in the UK as the owners of ICI. It will in future be known by the even sillier name - ICIICICI Bank!
Meanwhile Russian Banks seem to be bucking the trend and going from strength to strength:
Although journalists could find no one from Balalaikabank to comment because they were unsure who is pulling the strings. The CEO of Vodkabank said his staff were in high spirits. Hermitage Bank of St Petersburg said that they were about to move into new headquarters, because the present ones "are like a museum." The CEO of Georgia Bank was unavailable for comment, saying he had something on his mind.
However, the boss of the Kalashnikov Bank was more forthcoming, inviting journalists to ask questions with the words "fire away." Shares in Cossack Bank went up half a Rouble on the news that a new CEO was about to climb into the saddle.
The Chairman of Volga Bank reported that things were flowing along nicely. The only bad news on the Russian stockmarket was that Borschbank's shares dropped 5% on rumours that the company has landed in the soup. No one was available at the Samovar Bank, because all the staff were on a tea break.
Finally in Ireland the Limmerick Bank has issued the following press release:
There was a Prime Minister in Dublin,
Who didn't know how much trouble we're in,
Our savers are going,
Much money we're owing,
Cos, the f***er only guaranteed the banks he's in!
In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.
Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
It's also been reported that Judo Bank has taken a fall and is throwing staff out, and while all this is going on, Zen Bank is contemplating what to do next.
Whilst over in India, the Karma Sutra Bank has changed it's position - saying that instead an increase in activity it foresees flaccid deflation. The Bombay Bank ducked media questions about sub-prime assets. The Delhi Belly Bank is reported to be losing money at both ends.
But there is some good news - ICICI Bank has been saved and taken over by the industrial coatings giant AkzoNobel, known in the UK as the owners of ICI. It will in future be known by the even sillier name - ICIICICI Bank!
Meanwhile Russian Banks seem to be bucking the trend and going from strength to strength:
Although journalists could find no one from Balalaikabank to comment because they were unsure who is pulling the strings. The CEO of Vodkabank said his staff were in high spirits. Hermitage Bank of St Petersburg said that they were about to move into new headquarters, because the present ones "are like a museum." The CEO of Georgia Bank was unavailable for comment, saying he had something on his mind.
However, the boss of the Kalashnikov Bank was more forthcoming, inviting journalists to ask questions with the words "fire away." Shares in Cossack Bank went up half a Rouble on the news that a new CEO was about to climb into the saddle.
The Chairman of Volga Bank reported that things were flowing along nicely. The only bad news on the Russian stockmarket was that Borschbank's shares dropped 5% on rumours that the company has landed in the soup. No one was available at the Samovar Bank, because all the staff were on a tea break.
Finally in Ireland the Limmerick Bank has issued the following press release:
There was a Prime Minister in Dublin,
Who didn't know how much trouble we're in,
Our savers are going,
Much money we're owing,
Cos, the f***er only guaranteed the banks he's in!
