Great Poem

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gary r

Guru
Location
Camberley
Why??

why is your speech so foul & obscene
why do ya never know what long words mean?

why do ya sit in doors & get the horn
over badly dubbed scandanavian porn?

why do ya eat baked bans from a can
and think Mussolini played for Inter Milan?

why's your idea of diplomacy
a meeting of Mr groin with Mr knee?

why do ya go out bathed in Aramis
biut always come home smelling of curry & piss?

why do ya drink lager by the crate?
why do laugh when your girlfriends periods's late?

and the final quetion i have to state is why why why are you my best mate
 
How about something I done some years back.

Wrong or right

It’s a wide wild out there
We do things wrong

We do things right

That is the way it goes
We just need to learn
From the wrongs
Enjoy the rights

That’s what makes us
The way we are
We just need to know what is wrong

And right
 

Dave5N

Über Member
Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shoot-house, you’re clean round the bend.

You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.

You put the shat in Shatter
You put the pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain
You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.

Like a death at a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race?

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.
Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat?
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can...
TWAT.
 

ronmac

New Member
I wrote this years ago but it might be more relevant now :

Big fat cat, big fat grin
resting on his laurels
Big fat cat, raking it in
devoid of any morals

If I had my way
I'd take it away
and give it to those who're more needy
and the big fat cat, who's a bit of a rat
would learn not to be so greedy
 

gbb

Legendary Member
Location
Peterborough
My dad wrote this years ago...a bit of fun...

There's frogs in the garden, lots of them, scores,
They peer in the window, and knock at the door.
They pull funny faces, or else wave at me,
So i open the door, and they watch the TV.
Ten on the chairs, dozens on the settee,
If i come in late, there's no room for me.

My wife has left me, she couldn't stand the frogs,
She didn't mind spiders, or great hairy dogs,
But little green hoppers, it just wasn't on,
So she packed her bags, and moved in with mom.

She took the twins with her, Emma and Jane,
They stay with auntie Mary, who lives down the lane.
The frogs were quite sporting, they said she could stay,
If she made breakfast for them each day.
Then Jane started bubbling, and caused quite a stir,
When she had a bath, they jumped in with her.

And i thought it was funny, too funny by half,
Didn't i guffaw and didn't i laugh.
Then the frogs took to my bed, cos it was so warm,
And said sleeping in the shed would do me no harm.

Now the frogs sit on the chairs, in their green and yellow suits,
Like Norwich City supporters without their football boots
All laughing and giggling, again and again,
While i'm left stood standing, out here in the rain !

Anyone seen the keys to the shed ?
 

ColinJ

Puzzle game procrastinator!
Salford poetry recital

Far from crazy pavements -
the taste of silver spoons
A clinical arrangement
on a dirty afternoon
Where the fecal germs of Mr Freud
are rendered obsolete
The legal term is null and void
In the case of Beasley Street

In the cheap seats where murder breeds
Somebody is out of breath
Sleep is a luxury they don't need
- a sneak preview of death
Belladonna is your flower
Manslaughter your meat
Spend a year in a couple of hours
On the edge of Beasley Street


Where the action isn't
That's where it is
State your position
Vacancies exist
In an X-certificate exercise
Ex-servicemen excrete
Keith Joseph smiles and a baby dies
In a box on Beasley Street

From the boarding houses and the bedsits
Full of accidents and fleas
Somebody gets it
Where the missing persons freeze
Wearing dead men's overcoats
You can't see their feet
A riff joint shuts - opens up
Right down on Beasley Street

Cars collide, colours clash
disaster movie stuff
For a man with a Fu Manchu moustache
Revenge is not enough
There's a dead canary on a swivel seat
There's a rainbow in the road
Meanwhile on Beasley Street
Silence is the code

Hot beneath the collar
an inspector calls
Where the perishing stink of squalor
impregnates the walls
the rats have all got rickets
they spit through broken teeth
The name of the game is not cricket
Caught out on Beasley Street

The hipster and his hired hat
Drive a borrowed car
Yellow socks and a pink cravat
Nothing La-di-dah
OAP, mother to be
Watch the three-piece suite
When shoot-stoppered drains
and crocodile skis
are seen on Beasley Street

The kingdom of the blind
a one-eyed man is king
Beauty problems are redefined
the doorbells do not ring
A lightbulb bursts like a blister
the only form of heat
here a fellow sells his sister
down the river on Beasley Street

The boys are on the wagon
The girls are on the shelf
Their common problem is
that they're not someone else
The dirt blows out
The dust blows in
You can't keep it neat
It's a fully furnished dustbin,
Sixteen Beasley Street

Vince the ageing savage
Betrays no kind of life
but the smell of yesterday's cabbage
and the ghost of last year's wife
through a constant haze
of deodorant sprays
he says retreat
Alsations dog the dirty days
down the middle of Beasley Street

People turn to poison
Quick as lager turns to piss
Sweethearts are physically sick
every time they kiss.
It's a sociologist's paradise
each day repeats
On easy, cheesy, greasy, queasy
beastly Beasley Street

Eyes dead as vicious fish
Look around for laughs
If I could have just one wish
I would be a photograph
on a permanent Monday morning
Get lost or fall asleep
When the yellow cats are yawning
Around the back of Beasley Street
 
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