Self-taught bike mechanic

[Cubist]

I have just spent a few happy hours working on Cubester's old bike, a JJB Sports offering that to be fair has served him reasonably well when he just wanted to "play out" on a dirt-jump lookalike. Anyway he's flogged it to a friend and as a result I had to make it reasonably saleable.
Now, I have owned and repaired and serviced many bikes, but this one was a complete bastard. Does the following conversation with myself sound familiar?

"Now, which way round does that tiny leaf spring fit......oh, I've dropped it. Wonder if it works without it? Nope, now I've made it worse. Bugger. Perhaps I can make one out of an old fag packet.........yeah, that works, but now the cable needs adjusting. What happens if I turn that screw there? Ah. The whole mechanism drops down into the bottom of the tubing. That's handy! Perhaps I can turn the bike over and push it out with the handle off the car-jack. Yeah, that looks like it's working. Hang on, where did that nut come from? Are they supposed to be that colour? Maybe it came off the lawnmower, and what I really heard was the little captive ball-bearing pinging off across the garage.........Where's my lighter? Perhaps if I sit down and have a fag it'll mend itself.......ah that's better, but I need to move the inspection lamp now 'cos if I do it that way up my head causes a great big shadow across the bench. ....... Where are my cable cutters? Oh never mind, I'll just improvise with this old pair of paramedics shears..... Oh, now one of the cable strands has come unwound and got itself on the wrong side of the nipple.....and stuck itself in the ball of my thumb.................

 

[Globalti]

Ha ha! Ever tried working on one of those £99 Argos specials? You can't actually adjust them because the quality is so shite that whatever you do, the brakes and gears will never quite work.

 

[Cubist]

Ha ha! Ever tried working on one of those £99 Argos specials? You can't actually adjust them because the quality is so shite that whatever you do, the brakes and gears will never quite work.

Yes, that's how Cubester came to sell his bike. His mate came round on a catalogue full-susser. I looked at it and the rear brake cable was looped back out of the adjuster and under the grip to the left, before taking a tour of the stem and disappearing into the mass of cables on the middle "girder". I slipped it out of the adjuster and discovered that the reason it did that was because it was so slack. I rerouted the cable and took three miles of play out of it at the caliper. Then I looked at the front brake and found that it wouldn't work because the wheel bearings had a full quarter inch of play in them. I greased and set them back up properly, pumped up the perished tyres and spannered the saddle back on properly. I didn't even look at the gears, 'cos I know they are the work of Satan himself, and the twistgrip thingies take about three days and a lot of swearing to adjust. It made it just about rideable, considering the kid had ridden it three miles uphill to our house in the first place (well, pushed by all accounts). They all set off, and the kid must have been some sort of genius, because I saw him pull off a spectacular sideways skid half way along the high street. Cubester tells me that they then went to the local quarry for a jumping session, and the full susser's front wheel came off altogether. Never one to miss a business opportunity, Cubester promptly sold him his old bike. Awkward, because I had used it as a donor bike for a chain, a brake lever and a spring out of the front QR spindle

 

[bonj2]

why is there a "leaf spring" on a bike in the first place...

 

[bonj2]

Yes, that's how Cubester came to sell his bike. His mate came round on a catalogue full-susser. I looked at it and the rear brake cable was looped back out of the adjuster and under the grip to the left, before taking a tour of the stem and disappearing into the mass of cables on the middle "girder". I slipped it out of the adjuster and discovered that the reason it did that was because it was so slack. I rerouted the cable and took three miles of play out of it at the caliper. Then I looked at the front brake and found that it wouldn't work because the wheel bearings had a full quarter inch of play in them. I greased and set them back up properly, pumped up the perished tyres and spannered the saddle back on properly. I didn't even look at the gears, 'cos I know they are the work of Satan himself, and the twistgrip thingies take about three days and a lot of swearing to adjust. It made it just about rideable, considering the kid had ridden it three miles uphill to our house in the first place (well, pushed by all accounts). They all set off, and the kid must have been some sort of genius, because I saw him pull off a spectacular sideways skid half way along the high street. Cubester tells me that they then went to the local quarry for a jumping session, and the full susser's front wheel came off altogether. Never one to miss a business opportunity, Cubester promptly sold him his old bike. Awkward, because I had used it as a donor bike for a chain, a brake lever and a spring out of the front QR spindle

By the sound of it your house is on higher ground than theirs, and you sold it him without a chain - so he'll be able to ride it home, but won't be able to ride it back to complain. Sorted

 

[grhm]

By the sound of it your house is on higher ground than theirs, and you sold it him without a chain - so he'll be able to ride it home, but won't be able to ride it back to complain. Sorted

LOL.

 

[Mr Pig]

When I was a kid my bike was always in good order. Most of my mate's bikes were piles of scrap though, half of them didn't have 'any' brakes! The sole of a trainer seemed to do the job!

 

[gbb]

I have just spent a few happy hours working on Cubester's old bike, a JJB Sports offering that to be fair has served him reasonably well when he just wanted to "play out" on a dirt-jump lookalike. Anyway he's flogged it to a friend and as a result I had to make it reasonably saleable.
Now, I have owned and repaired and serviced many bikes, but this one was a complete bastard. Does the following conversation with myself sound familiar?

"Now, which way round does that tiny leaf spring fit......oh, I've dropped it. Wonder if it works without it? Nope, now I've made it worse. Bugger. Perhaps I can make one out of an old fag packet.........yeah, that works, but now the cable needs adjusting. What happens if I turn that screw there? Ah. The whole mechanism drops down into the bottom of the tubing. That's handy! Perhaps I can turn the bike over and push it out with the handle off the car-jack. Yeah, that looks like it's working. Hang on, where did that nut come from? Are they supposed to be that colour? Maybe it came off the lawnmower, and what I really heard was the little captive ball-bearing pinging off across the garage.........Where's my lighter? Perhaps if I sit down and have a fag it'll mend itself.......ah that's better, but I need to move the inspection lamp now 'cos if I do it that way up my head causes a great big shadow across the bench. ....... Where are my cable cutters? Oh never mind, I'll just improvise with this old pair of paramedics shears..... Oh, now one of the cable strands has come unwound and got itself on the wrong side of the nipple.....and stuck itself in the ball of my thumb.................

You've just shown what it takes to be able to repair things...bikes or anything......the ability to actually think things through.
50% of mechanics is actually standing back and thinking about what that does, what'll happen if i do this ?

I'd like to think anyone should be able to do it, but reality and experience tells me very few people actually can think before they delve in. There's nothing on a bike thats that difficult, but without using the grey matter...people invariably make it worse, not better

 

[Globalti]

Never underestimate people's stupidity. A few years ago I came across a middle aged bloke with a broken down car. He told me the starter motor was bust so I offered to push start him. Luckily he was on a slight hill so I was able to get it moving at quite a decent speed. However he didn't dump the clutch so eventually I ran alongside him to tell him to get on with it. What was the stupid bastard doing? He was sitting trying to crank the starter with the key.....

 

[Mr Pig]

50% of mechanics is actually standing back and thinking about what that does, what'll happen if i do this ?

I would say more than 50%. Manual dexterity and a good feel for stresses and material characteristics make up most of the rest.

It doesn't surprise me that some people are useless mechanically, we're all different. My brother-in-law said to me years ago "I'm sure that I could do your job if I was shown how" and I said "No you couldn't". Some people just don't have brains that work that way, just as I could never work as an accountant, which is what he was doing at the time. I can follow a schematic but a page of number puts me in a cold sweat!

It's the people think they can do things they have no aptitude for that amuse me, or piss me off! Nothing worse than someone who's trained and employed in a job they're crap at, just makes everyone's life harder.

We had an engineer in the factory yesterday for a fault on a machine that's still under warranty. Turned out just to be a bolt had fallen out. He replaced it, and it fell out again today! The guy in question is useless and should never have been and engineer, but he makes a living doing it.

Another good one is a guy I know who does all his own bike repairs etc, except he seems to have no clue as to how tight to do up bolts. He either rounds the head, strips the thread or the bolt comes loose. Lovely guy but just not got that touch. Few weeks ago three of us were out and one guy's stem came loose. I asked "Did Bob adjust that?" and he said "Yeah he did" ;0)

 

[Globalti]

Robert M Pirsig talks in his excellent book Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance about the importance of having a "feel" for the elasticity of materials, as well as knowing how to use the correct tools to manipulate components, which may be extremely robust but which can be damaged by mishandling - the bearing surfaces of a crankshaft for example. He also talks about what he calls "stuckness", which is when the job is frustrated by one tiny component, which won't undo because it has been overtightened or you haven't got the correct tool. Fascinating book.

 

[Mr Pig]

Fascinating book.

Sounds it. Must put it on mt 'to read' list.

 

[Cubist]

why is there a "leaf spring" on a bike in the first place...

There was one on this bastard. It was in the twistgrip gearshifter thingy, and because I put it all back together with the spring on the wrong way round the ratchet didn't work. Then I dropped it, it went under the bench, then I had to unbolt my reloading press from the wall to move the bench, which meant I had to move the pile of old floorboards from in front of the drawers I keep my big spanners in..............

Anyway, the kid came to collect the bike tonight, and is happy as Larry. I have learnt all sorts of new skills................. and swearwords, .........and Cubester has earnt enough money to buy himself a new pair of 661 kneepads.

 

[Cubist]

You've just shown what it takes to be able to repair things...bikes or anything......the ability to actually think things through.
50% of mechanics is actually standing back and thinking about what that does, what'll happen if i do this ?

I'd like to think anyone should be able to do it, but reality and experience tells me very few people actually can think before they delve in. There's nothing on a bike thats that difficult, but without using the grey matter...people invariably make it worse, not better

I got that from my Dad. He used to be able to dismantle things that didn't work, work out how they should work, and work out how to make them work again. He was incredibly patient and very organised. I once went up into the garage to find him sitting amongst what appeared to be a huge pile of complicated car parts. When I asked he showed me that he had dismantled the automatic gearbox from his Renault 30, and that all the parts were sitting on numbered sheets of paper, and on each sheet of paper were drawings he had made showing what they had looked like before he had removed them. Blew my mind.

 

[Mr Pig]

I have learnt all sorts of new skills................. and swearwords....

And maybe that a magnetic retrieving tool would be useful? ;0)