Best TV Show Dialogue

[hoopdriver]

Following on from yesterday's post about the best TV show ever I thought I'd start one on the best snatch of dialogue you can recall.

My favourite old TV show was The Rockford Files and I loved this riff from Rockfords low-life friend Angel when he steps into Rockfords trailer and finds Rockford engaged in a losing chess match with his father. After studying the board for a few moments Angel then brilliantly deconstructs the game in jailhouse slang:

"This game's over, man! You gotta move your Boss or Rocky's gonna lay a subpoena on him. Then his Torpedo is gonna smoke your Old Lady and all your Heavies'll be doing time - except for maybe your Mouthpiece, but Rocky’s Sheriff got him put in the corner - you got nothing left but punks and junkies: you're through, Jimmy..."

 

[Lee_M]

Alan partridge last night

"if it wasn't for Howard Carter discovering Tutankhamuns tomb, archeology would still be called digging"

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Everything on Simpsons series 3 through 10, and then about 75% from series 11 through to 26, then maybe 50% from 27 to 35, from which point I no longer had Sky1, but it did appear to be making an improvement.

 

[Bollo]

... the best snatch of dialogue....

Vagina Monologues?


(I'm really really sorry)

 

[hoopdriver]

Vagina Monologues?


(I'm really really sorry)

As you should be.

 

[Maz]

My favourite old TV show was The Rockford Files ...

I always enjoyed the tape-recorded messages at the start of each episode. This one, for example:
"That No.4 you just picked up from Angelo's Pizza? Some scouring powder fell in there. Don't eat it. Hey, I hope you try your phone machine before dinner."

Full list here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Jim_Rockford's_answering_machine_gags
Amazing what you find on Wikipedia.

 

[swee'pea99]

Never watched 'em but caught a snatch of Taxi or Cheers or one of those shows back in the day, and there was some wild-haired character waxing lyrical:

"She was one helluva woman. I might have married her."
"Why didn't you?"
(guy looks a bit thrown...)
"I said - I might have."

 

[Maz]

Alan partridge last night

"if it wasn't for Howard Carter discovering Tutankhamuns tomb, archeology would still be called digging"

Classic.

Another one from AP: "No one had heard of Oxford before 'Inspector Morse'. "

 

[EltonFrog]

Put ya trousers on..ya nicked!

We're the Sweeney, son and we 'aven't 'ad our dinner.

 

[Black Sheep]

Downton christmas special:

Former suitor to the daughter of the Earl of Grantham just after she'd broken up with him, talking to the Earl's mother "I'm afraid I don't think we'll be seeing each other again"

Earl's mother " Do you promise? "

 

[carolonabike]

Too many to mention from Frasier but this one still makes me laugh - Niles on coming into a room after someone had sprayed an unpleasant air freshener.

"Oh what's that smell, it smells like a fish died and the other fish brought flowers."

Or on fishing, "I never liked fishing until I realised how many shopping opportunities there are."

 

[EltonFrog]

Trigger, Del, Rodders, Sid and Boycie chatting in Sid's cafe. Trigger has just been presented with an award for saving the council money.

Trigger: And that's what I've done. Maintained it for 20 years. This old broom's had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in its time.
Sid: How the hell can it be the same bloody broom then?
Trigger: Theres the picture. What more proof do you need?

 

[glasgowcyclist]

Downton christmas special:

Former suitor to the daughter of the Earl of Grantham just after she'd broken up with him, talking to the Earl's mother "I'm afraid I don't think we'll be seeing each other again"

Earl's mother " Do you promise? "

Downton Abbey is superbly written, with Maggie Smith delivering her acid one-liners with polite brutality.

I remember another scene where she enters a room at Downton where two people are talking in conspiratorial fashion and says, "I do hope I'm interrupting".


GC

 

[Black Sheep]

Downton Abbey is superbly written, with Maggie Smith delivering her acid one-liners with polite brutality.

I remember another scene where she enters a room at Downton where two people are talking in conspiratorial fashion and says, "I do hope I'm interrupting".


GC

There are too many of her one liners to remember!

 

[GBC]

Another classic from Norm in Cheers when the conversation got round to women. "Ah women, you can't live with them...........pass the beer nuts Cliff."