Compulsive Liars

[Greedo]

We have all worked with one or known one.

Great moments with one guy i worked with years ago.

You quite literally when bored instigate a conversation from something you saw flicking through a newspaper and yip. he'd pop up with a 24 carat golden lie. Used to love it. Some that spring to mind are:-

He stored rocket launchers and machine guns for the russian mafia in his garage

He was involved in fixing all the scottish 3rd division results one week as part of a gambling swindle

He once saw Jimmy White sh*gging a GUY over a snooker table at a private party in London (one of my favourites and makes me laugh out loud every time i think of him telling this)

When he came in knackered his explanation would be that he'd been up all night with three high class call girls paid for by his Russian mafia mates

He had been scottish kick boxing champ and was previously the schools national 100m champ

His friend owns Blackpool Tower

the guy believed it all which was the best thing about it.

 

[TVC]

I've got one at work, a fat little pudding of a bloke who started work with us about 18 months ago, and who occasionally attends the TA.

In his mind he is convinced he's done tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, telling tales of his deployments, the firefights he's been in, all the hardware he is compitant in using. To most of us he is just a joke, and you can encourage him to become more outragous in his stories by feining interest and gently guiding him into cul-de-sacs. However, one of my workmates has a nephew who has been on the front line with the Royal Engineers, and he has a less forgiving view on this guys lies.

 

[D4VOW]

the guy believed it all which was the best thing about it.

That's the best thing with compulsive liars, they spend that much time telling porkies they start believing them

 

[Greedo]

That's the best thing with compulsive liars, they spend that much time telling porkies they start believing them

I know. He actually does which is the sad thing

 

[Wigsie]

My Father in Law is like that, usually when he is drunk! don't know why the MIL is with him (thankfully its Mrs Wigs step father so does not run in the family). He was born in (what was then) Northern Rhodesia. His parents worked with rail companies so his dad travelled lots. They came back to the UK periodically and sent him to boarding school in Kent, which is where the fun begins.

'Apparently' he has;

Run away from boarding school when he was 9, getting caught trying to sneak onto a ferry to Morocco??

Lost his virginity to a stripper at 13, in his mates dads strip club.

Been a diamond smuggler across Africa

Been a pimp

Has enough Martial arts training to kill you in one move

He is such a twat! When we go round there I have a field day winding him up about the stories! the best thng is that his parents know nothing about him ever running away and he met the Mother In Law when he was 17 so did all that before he met her!

 

[gbb]

We had a guy called Keith, we called him Billy (Liar). He just couldnt help himself. He was arranging a sea fishing trip years ago, some of our guys were deeply interested. They paid, he kept giving promises and deadlines...it never happened. After a while they started getting fed up and were really pushing him. The propeller fell off his mates boat, the drive shaft cracked....the excuses abounded.
He realised they were getting anti...'i'll bring in a photo of the boat'

Next week he appeared with a photo....of a trawler Fcuk offfffff Keith . He still kept the pretence up...no, it is his boat honest !!!!

He also claimed to have acres of greenhouses and used to bring plants and shrubs in. He sold one guy a young weeping willow. As time went on, the guy was complaining it was'nt weeping...Keith told him you had to stake the branches down to train them It turned out to be a flowering cherry tree.

 

[MichaelM]

I knew a guy, who really really was best mates with the bloke who owned the Rolls Royce that broke down and had to call out Rolls Royce recovery.

So the car got taken away and repaired, then returned to the owner. After a few weeks the owner called Rolls offering to clear the bill that he hadn't received, but was told "I'm sorry sir, Rolls Royce cars don't break down".

The guy I knew was also on first name terms with other urban legends and some of the rich and famous. He was quite amusing I must admit.

 

[Arthur]

I used to work with one we nicknamed Zippy. As long as his audience pretended to believe him, his bulls**t got progressively more extravagant. Amongst his many claims to fame were...

• He owned the very first ever Mini Metro that came off the production line, which he had immediately preserved by vacuum-sealing it in polythene and which was kept stored in his garage at home. I liked this one because he chose such a crap car to lie about (and that he lived in a mid-terrace house with no garage).
• He served in the army as a trained paramedic. He then demonstrated his ignorance of what a paramedic actually does by regaling us with tales of the times he was parachuted into remote spots (usually under heavy fire) in order to administer first aid to dying troops.
• He owned over four-hundred suits. Odd then that he always wore the same tired-looking polyester two-piece to work. Perhaps he'd had all of the others vacuum-sealed.
• On an army training exercise he was leading a group of canoeists down a fast-flowing river when a squad-member got entangled in a fisherman's line. Took his head clean off.

I used to look forward to tea breaks with Zippy.

 

[Gromit]

Compulsive liars usually have a low sense of self worth and often tell lies to make them selves more acceptable to others.

If your encouraging it for your own amusement aren't you really bullying that person?

When I was a kid I had a dreadful childhood, got bullied at school and beaten and treated like scum at home. I looked for ways out to make my life more interesting, because it was unbearable.

I got over making up stories when I left my parents house when I was 19.

These people probably have a dreadful life, like the lady who's father I know who is a compulsory bigamist. She featured on a channel four documentary.

Think twice about leading these people on, its not fair to make fun of them, there must be a reason.

 

[WeeE]

I had a friend who was a compulsory liar (you had to act like you believed it or he got furious, and he was pretty hefty).
- His great-aunt died and left him hundreds of thousands and talked of "my accountant" (he shoplifted all the time - had three or four of everythig small and useless; swapped labels on a crate of wine and nearly got an unwitting friend arrested.)
- He had built an entire warehouse single-handed, electrics included.
- He'd been in the army (actually cadets)
- He'd been conspired against by named lecturers because he criticised them (failed his exams)
- He was doing his resits (he'd dropped out over a year before and signed on)

He was also a compulsory thief: if it was yours, he had to have it. And if you lent anything, you opbviously didn't want/need/deserve it as much as he did, so you never got it back. (If confronted, he'd explain it fairly explicitly.)

Oh - always offered to go pay in the electric/gas money for his flatmates - whuch he paid himself, obviously. Had about three lots of angry ex-flatmates chasing him. Would open his friends/flatmates mail (specially if it was personal or cards) and then bin it.

The weirdest thing was that he would deny doing it even when confronted with the ripped up envelope - that someone had forgot and left in his car.

 

[rich p]

My wife is a compulsive liar.
She told me I was tall, intelligent, handsome, witty, romantic and cultured.
Lying old bag, I'm not tall.

 

[jig-sore]

I'm a compulsive liar, honest

 

[Greedo]

I'm a compulsive liar, honest

And we have a winner!!!

Was waiting for someone to say that! Take a bow

 

[jig-sore]

yippie, what do i win ?????

ha ha, I'm not really, i was lying

i thank you....

 

[gary r]

i work with one called Ian,here are some of his porkies
1/ raced in the safari rally
2/ he & Alan Sugar are good mates & he head hunted all Sugars top staff
3/ he dated a top model
4/ he coached rugby with the england coach
5/William & Harry (the Royals) stay at his mates house in Kenya when they are in Africa
6/i run over a dog in the car & he run over a giraffe in Africa!!!

etc etc etc,its funny because we have started telling stupid stories at work to see if he can better them