effing Masterchef!

[Arch]

I hate Masterchef. I hate the shouty presenters, I hate the the oh-so-sincere-and-weepy contestants. Most of all, I hate the fact that it apparently needs to be on 5 effing days a week!

When did this happen, having stuff on night after night instead of weekly? You can't have a one episode of Silent Witness and the next next week, oh no, you have to follow one after the other, presumably in case people forget what happened, although for some reason they still have to replay half the episode as 'previously' before the opening credits. Waking the bloody Dead, that's another one. Next week I see we're getting a drama over 5 nights, although I think I saw the delicious David Morrisey in the trailer, so I might watch that...

<and breathe>

But seriously, why? When I was a kid, stuff was on once a week, you managed to remember what happened from week to week, and you could have a regular viewing schedule. I supppose everyone except me has freeview and sky boxes and stuff these days...

 

[trustysteed]

you have considered not watching them, of course?

 

[Crackle]

Digital, allows you to re-watch the shouty blokes every night for two weeks if you want. I personally can't stand those two shouty blokes at all, give me the hairy bikers any day, at least they've got talent, or two fat ladies repeats.

 

[trustysteed]

give me the hairy bikers any day

ooo, get you, leather boy!

 

[Arch]

you have considered not watching them, of course?

Mostly, yes, I'll turn over and find something else. Sometimes (like now), I leave the telly on and zone it out, because I'm waiting for something on later. The telly is company to some extent, sad maybe, but there it is.

The annoying thing is to find that something I don't especially want to watch, is on two nights running.

 

[trustysteed]

The telly is company to some extent, sad maybe, but there it is.

i understand completely

 

[Debian]

I like Masterchef.

And it's only on three times a week, not five

 

[trustysteed]

Mastercheffingshite.

 

[Arch]

I like Masterchef.

And it's only on three times a week, not five

Ah, so it just feels like 5....

Bring back Loyd Grosman I say...

Mastermind is just starting, and I was going to say, there's programme that hasn't had to re-invent itself to add spurious tension. But even that now has John Humphreys introducing the contestants and subjects with clips before the start..

oh good grief! Now they have the contestants wittering about their subjects in cutaway excerpts! Is nothing sacred!?

 

[661-Pete]

I've caught the tail-end of this offering, I think. Is it, sort of, X-factor with frying-pans?

 

[mangaman]

I like Masterchef.

And it's only on three times a week, not five

So do I.

Now Strictly Come Dancing is absolute drivel and also has various spin offs and is on primetime for about 3 months.

Masterchef is great.

Come on Arch - give it a go. After all, "cooking doesn't get much tougher than this" and "whoever wins, it'll change their life" as they always shout at the start.

As there are no celebs, no gratuitous concept of them living together in a big house,no programmes watching them training, no public votes I think it's a cut above the average reality show. You get quite fond of some of the contestants as you get to know them.

 

[snorri]

oh good grief! Now they have the contestants wittering about their subjects in cutaway excerpts! Is nothing sacred!?

You are on one tonight Arch, I would suggest a nice cup of tea, but I think you need something a little stronger.
I'm just about to pour myself a glass of Glenmorangie. Can I offer you a virtual one, or a cherry vodka, a Bailleys or a Harvey Bristol Cream?

 

[ColinJ]

When did this happen, having stuff on night after night instead of weekly? You can't have a one episode of Silent Witness and the next next week, oh no, you have to follow one after the other, presumably in case people forget what happened, although for some reason they still have to replay half the episode as 'previously' before the opening credits.

It's much worse than that! On a commercial channel, it would be:

Thursday evening, episode 1, part 1 - this is what you will be seeing in part 1.

10 minutes later, coming towards the end of part 1 (already!) - don't go away, this is what you will be seeing in part 2.

4 minutes of ads later... part 2 - this is what you saw in part 1, this is what you will be seeing in part 2, followed by the 2 minutes and 15 seconds of part 2, followed by - this is what you will be seeing in part 3.

4 minutes of ads later... part 3 - this is what you saw in parts 1 & 2, this is what you will be seeing in part 3, followed by the 3 minutes and 27 seconds of part 3, followed by - this is what you will be seeing in part 4...

... (building to the climax) Part 6 - this is what you saw in parts 1-5, this is what you will be seeing in part 6, followed by 4 minutes and 7 seconds of part 6 building to a really tense cliffhanger involving a shy young virgin student (where did they find her!) and a large man in a black coat, hiding in the shadows and wielding a huge knife. OMG - what is he going to do with that knife - and suddenly... the picture zooms down to a tiny image in the bottom left corner of the screen and a bloke with a Geordie accent starts shouting at you "Eh, that's a bit scary is that, an' comin' oop soon is round two of One-Legged Chimpanzees Singing Opera on Tightropes, don't forget to tune in tomorrow to find out what happened while I was talking over the best bit!" and - the credits are rolling and there isn't a virgin in sight! WTF happened there?

And the next night there is a 38 minute recap of part one incorporating 3 ad breaks totally 21 minutes, followed by what will happen in episode 2, part 6 including someone with a fake American accent and a very deep voice asking if our shy young virgin student will kill the knife-wielding weirdo in the black coat with the rocket launcher that we haven't seen yet, while we watch in slo-mo a preview of the climatic scene which will feature his entrails being blasted all over the set by said weapon!

 

[rich p]

I used to enjoy Masterchef but the quality of cooking is very poor these days.

Someone cooked cottage pie the other day in a strange shape.

 

[Arch]

You are on one tonight Arch, I would suggest a nice cup of tea, but I think you need something a little stronger.
I'm just about to pour myself a glass of Glenmorangie. Can I offer you a virtual one, or a cherry vodka, a Bailleys or a Harvey Bristol Cream?

Oh, a Glenmorangie would slip down nicely!

Actually, I have a tiny, tiny dram left in my bottle. I also have a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream, but the less said about that the better*

*it was given to my Mum one Christmas, she can't abide it, so it was purloined by my BF who'd drink anything to forget Christmas.

Pete, X-factor with frying pans describes it perfectly for me! I just can't bear that sort of competition, celebs or no celebs - it's the spurious tension. And those shouty men! I actually liked the chap who used to do the vegetable show on R4, when he was going that, but not on Masterchef I'm afraid.

Snorri, I'd like to offer you a drink in return, but the only other thing I have is some dubious Quince liquer, which I fear would strip paint...