Favourite Top Tips from Viz?

[Titanium]

If I'm in WH Smith buying Cycling Plus or something, I usually take a quick peak in Viz comic to check out the Top Tips. Some of them have me trying not to laugh too much. There's usually a few crackers. One of my favourites is
'Save electricity by disconnecting the frontdoor-bell, and going to the door every two minutes to see if there's someone there.'
Anyone got any more?

 

[TheDoctor]

Save money on personalised number plates by simply changing your name by deed poll to the number plate that came with your car.

Youre sincerely,

F 808 OGS.

 

[Piemaster]

Save time boiling water water for tea by pre-heating it in a pan first.

 

[cheadle hulme]

Don't bother buying binoculars - simply move closer to the object you wish to view.

 

[Archie_tect]

To save time in the morning, pre-soak your Weetabix the night before.

 

[NormanD]

to save electricity and using all your own tea and coffee as well as your own body energy ... go visit friends and use theirs instead

 

[Archie_tect]

To avoid costly electric bills using your hair drier, ask the mother-in-law round for a chat after your shower.

 

[Archie_tect]

For extra security when going away on holiday, brick up your windows.

 

[Archie_tect]

Troubled by Barnardo's workers always collecting for children's homes? Give them yours.

 

[zacklaws]

Thread all your posessions on a piece of string so you can always find what your looking for

 

[Archie_tect]

To stop yourself buying a kebab, pour the 9 pints of beer straight down the urinal.

 

[Archie_tect]

To save on fines for overdue books, stay away from the library...

 

[swee'pea99]

Alcohol can be a big help when facing stressful situations. Four to six pints of strong continental lager can calm the nerves before an important job interview, eight for a driving test.

 

[dav1d]

To save on fines for overdue books, stay away from the library...

There was a similar one with a goldfish but I can't remember it.

 

[Titanium]

Motorists - at night, convince oncoming traffic that there are speed bumps along the road, by slowing down every few seconds and briefly flashing your head-lights.