Friday joke

[col]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
> "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots,
> but they only know how to say one thing."
>
>
> "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
>
> They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
>
>
> "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he
> thought for a moment. "You know," he said,
> "I may have a solution to your problem. I have
> two male talking parrots, which I have taught to
> pray and read the Bible. Bring your parrots over to
> my house and we'll put them in the cage with them.
> My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and
> worship and your parrots are sure to stop
> saying that phrase in no time."
>
>
>
>
> "Thank you," the woman responded,
> "this may very well be the solution."
>
>
>
> The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
> As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside
> their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked
> over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes,
> the female parrots cried out in unison:
>
> "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
>
> There was stunned silence.
>
> Shocked, one male parrot looked over at
> the other male parrot and exclaimed,
> "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

 

[stumpy]

 

[ArDee]

Fondling in Bed

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the tv.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”






He said, “I found the remote”.

 

[Keith Oates]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[buggi]

another one...



A farmer named Seamus had a car accident.

In court, the lorry company's fancy hot shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.

'Didn't you say, to the Garda at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?'asked the solicitor.

Seamus responded, 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...'

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....'

The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Gárda on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was
Thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a garda on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Garda came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'

'Now what the F*ck would you say?'

 

[col]

 

[Keith Oates]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Dave5N]

wot keef sed.


Innit.

 

[Ashtrayhead]

The latest thing to make headlines?






Courdoroy pillows.