Huge hole opens up in the middle of the M1....

[Lonestar]

To the OP im sure the road tax will pay for repairs.

 

[Speicher]

Traffic lights near the NEC, Birmingham, have failed, leading to tailbacks going to Crufts Dog Show.

 

[Archie_tect]

In a spate of alcohol fuelled brawls in Nottingham city centre, Police reported that one man had.been arrested 115 times in 6 months- he admitted to being Duncan Disorderly.

 

[ufkacbln]

This thread should be merged with the "heard any good jokes lately".........well maybe not.

I think that word "good" excludes many of these?

 

[Archie_tect]

Humour Police acquitted for lack of evidence...

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Today a lorry carrying custard collided with a lorry carrying jelly, no one was injured, police described it as a trifling incident.

 

[mrcunning]

Have you heard about the man caught masturbating in the newsagents?
That's odd...



...it was all over the papers!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

After reading the 'Me' thread, just so long as this hole in the M1 swallows up most of humanity in the process, I don't care!!


Oh, sorry, it is meant to be a joke thread??

 

[mrcunning]

Dave Smith is on his death bed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in London.
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the East end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Thames.
"The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of his holdings.
As Dave slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. Smith, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property…………..
"Property?”, Sarah Smith replies. “The peanut had a window cleaning round."

 

[mrcunning]

peanut..lol...

 

[swee'pea99]

Robbers cleared a pet shop of its entire contents. Police said there were no leads.

 

[Cyclist33]

An articulated lorry carrying hair products has crashed in a hit-n-run on the motorway shedding its load. The police are said to be combing the area.

Surely that's a nit n run?!

 

[machew]

The Home office is urgently considering an application for asylum from eleven Australian men who are fearful of persecution if they return to their country.

 

[Cyclist33]

A Mexican restaurant has had all its radiators stolen. Local police believe it may be an inside job and are searching fajitas.

 

[snorri]

I fell out with my sat nav, i told it to get lost, it told me where to go !!

Sorry, you're off topic, this thread is for early 20th Century jokes only.