I'm a lesbian.....

[betty swollocks]

......so it appears.
Down at the gym this morning I'm sitting at a table in the gym with Tristan, who is five and the son of friends.
As I'm reading the Telegraph, he is busy experimenting intently with his latte in a tall glass and being observed by me out of the corner of my eye, keen as I am to get an insight into the mental workings of a small boy. So far he's stirred in eight sachets of sugar, two of mayonnaise and one of mustard and tasted his concoction after each new addition. He winced, paused, stared reflectively into thin air and then bawled across the table,
"Tony"
"Yes."
"Are you a lesbian?"
Some questions, especially when they are so out of the blue, are best answered with helpless gape.
The lady at the next table coughed, spat some of her mouthful of latte all over the Daily Mail, and desperately tried the control her mirth -unsuccessfully it seems, as the rest came out of her nostrils and onto the toddler on her lap.
I gathered my few thoughts.
"Tristan, do you know what a lesbian is?'
"Yes, someone who likes girls."
Well he's nearly there and I tell him so.
"Well that's almost right and no I'm not."
This seems to satisfy him and he added a sachet of salt while he processed this information.

Then I got to thinking and duly took a mental inventory of myself.
I do like girls.
I have a hairy chin.
I have hairy legs.
I'm ugly.
Maybe I am a lesbian?

 

[Fnaar]

he is busy experimenting intently with his latte in a tall glass

Do 5 yr olds drink coffee these days?
Anyway, the lesbains I've seen on the internet don't look like your description.

 

[Fnaar]

Ah, here's some like you:

 

[betty swollocks]

Do 5 yr olds drink coffee these days?

Well he evidently doesn't!

 

[betty swollocks]

And your musical tastes are even more eclectic than my own.

 

[Keith Oates]

The burning question is, after the sugar, mayonnaise, mustard and salt, did he actually drink the coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[yenrod]

Ever 'eyed up' a lesbos other half...

Its even worse than doing it with the female variant of hetero couple !

Once I used to work in Matalan and whilst 'on the changing rooms' i once came across a pretty female so I eyed her etc...then who rolled up but a butch female looks me up n down - by this time the pretty female had gone to change - it was only when they went passed later on that I seen the pretty femme fatale but got the 'you lookin' at my bird PAL ! stare...'

Crazy stuff...!

 

[betty swollocks]

The burning question is, after the sugar, mayonnaise, mustard and salt, did he actually drink the coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He never got a chance: his mum came along and took him away.
She was suitably mortified when I told her the story and blamed it on the evil influence of his two older sisters

 

[ufkacbln]

YOu could of course be a Lesbian.............................






























trapped in the body of a man!

 

[bonj2]

Do 5 yr olds drink coffee these days?
Anyway, the lesbains I've seen on the internet don't look like your description.

i've been drinking coffee since the age of 2.

 

[ufkacbln]

Considering the hyperactivity of the average two year old - givingthem a stimulant is the act of a masochist!

 

[strofiwimple]

"Tristan-a 5 year old drinking a latte while you read the telegraph" have i wandered into a new middle class sitcom?? it was beef dripping on bread come a sunday when i were a lad.

 

[strofiwimple]

Seems i can't even provoke a good humoured argument these days :-)) ah well- best move onto soapbox-easy pickings there- but seriously a five yoear old drinking latte at the gym-give yourself a wake up call.

 

[ufkacbln]

Seems i can't even provoke a good humoured argument these days :-)) ah well- best move onto soapbox-easy pickings there- but seriously a five yoear old drinking latte at the gym-give yourself a wake up call.

I was simply appalled and left speechless by the sheer extravagance of beef dripping AND bread on a Sunday - posh were we?

 

[strofiwimple]

when i say beef dripping-i dont mean REAL beef dripping- just the dewdrops that fell off the old codgers nose who stood on the street corner- but it was beef dripping to us