mangaman
Guest
No great excuse to post this - other than I found it funny. Enough said really
View: http://youtu.be/Ry0Bv1HQRD4
View: http://youtu.be/Ry0Bv1HQRD4
Stwart Lee's prawns
- Thread starter mangaman
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
krushavik
New Member
- Location
- Warrington Cheshire.
Sorry, couldn't see owt funny. 
Tasker
New Member
- Location
- stoke on trent
Very funny and it struck a few chords...
But to return to your original question: Crotchless Knickers and the B17......
But to return to your original question: Crotchless Knickers and the B17......
Halfmanhalfbike
Über Member
- Location
- Edinburgh
Massive Prawns!!
Beebo
Firm and Fruity
- Location
- Hexleybeef
very good but you spoilt the punch line with the heading!
full quote!
Firstly, William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, he wasn't some noble savage living in a mud hut. He was a privileged, educated Nobleman, right? Secondly, its not mentioned in the film, but there's some evidence to suggest that he actually fought as a mercenary for the English as a teenager. Thirdly, you know that French princess he's supposed to have sex with? The implication is that he gets her pregnant and she marries Edward II of England so its his kid. Now she was a real historical figure, that French princess. But at the time of the death of William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, she was only 4 years old. Now, Glasgow, Im not saying that William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, didn't have sex with her. You know, he probably did. If I look at my own background there's a lot of sexual opportunism involved. Im not saying he didn't have sex with her but if he did, and he definitely did, it would have been a far less romantic scene. Than the one enacted by Mel Gibson in the film Braveheart. It may have happened in a tent but it would still have been not a romantic scene. Because that would have made William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, a paedophile. A Scottish paedophile. The worst kind of paedophile that there is. Coming at you... through a bothy... With shortbread on its face. Muttering unintelligible sexual threats in a frankly incomprehensible dialect.
Firstly, William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, he wasn't some noble savage living in a mud hut. He was a privileged, educated Nobleman, right? Secondly, its not mentioned in the film, but there's some evidence to suggest that he actually fought as a mercenary for the English as a teenager. Thirdly, you know that French princess he's supposed to have sex with? The implication is that he gets her pregnant and she marries Edward II of England so its his kid. Now she was a real historical figure, that French princess. But at the time of the death of William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, she was only 4 years old. Now, Glasgow, Im not saying that William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, didn't have sex with her. You know, he probably did. If I look at my own background there's a lot of sexual opportunism involved. Im not saying he didn't have sex with her but if he did, and he definitely did, it would have been a far less romantic scene. Than the one enacted by Mel Gibson in the film Braveheart. It may have happened in a tent but it would still have been not a romantic scene. Because that would have made William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, a paedophile. A Scottish paedophile. The worst kind of paedophile that there is. Coming at you... through a bothy... With shortbread on its face. Muttering unintelligible sexual threats in a frankly incomprehensible dialect.
this is also a good one!
The BBC still make the best nature documentaries. But the most successful nature documentary of all time is actually the worst nature documentary of all time, and that is March of the Penguins. David Attenborough wouldn't make a film like March of the Penguins. It was a French film and it was re-dubbed by the Americans and it was a massive hit with the religious right in America because in that film, the penguins pair off in a monogamous fashion and they raise their chicks in a kind of ethical, caring way. And so the American religious right decided that this meant that nature wanted us to be good, because the penguins were. Now, I know David Attenborough was suspicious of this logic. I was as well. Cos I started reading about mallards, the mallard duck, which also occurs in nature, its from nature. I don't know if you know, but the mallard, it's the only animal which reproduces exclusively by gang rape. It's also the only bird ever to have been caught on film indulging in the act of homosexual necrophilia. So. I've been trying to raise money to make a documentary film called March of the Mallards. Which will prove that nature wants us to be evil. And ideally I'll have that with a voice-over from Morgan Freeman going... "There goes that little mallard, raping that dead mallard. In his dead ass. In a dance as old as time."
The BBC still make the best nature documentaries. But the most successful nature documentary of all time is actually the worst nature documentary of all time, and that is March of the Penguins. David Attenborough wouldn't make a film like March of the Penguins. It was a French film and it was re-dubbed by the Americans and it was a massive hit with the religious right in America because in that film, the penguins pair off in a monogamous fashion and they raise their chicks in a kind of ethical, caring way. And so the American religious right decided that this meant that nature wanted us to be good, because the penguins were. Now, I know David Attenborough was suspicious of this logic. I was as well. Cos I started reading about mallards, the mallard duck, which also occurs in nature, its from nature. I don't know if you know, but the mallard, it's the only animal which reproduces exclusively by gang rape. It's also the only bird ever to have been caught on film indulging in the act of homosexual necrophilia. So. I've been trying to raise money to make a documentary film called March of the Mallards. Which will prove that nature wants us to be evil. And ideally I'll have that with a voice-over from Morgan Freeman going... "There goes that little mallard, raping that dead mallard. In his dead ass. In a dance as old as time."
wheres_my_beard
Über Member
- Location
- Norwich
Stewart Lee is the funniest man on TV; when he is on TV he is anyway. There are funnier people on right now, but that is only because he is not on.
OP
OP
mangaman
Guest
Sorry.
Although the punchline wasn't really the prawns - they were mentioned about halfway in.
I liked the "I hate emigrants" stuff and the "quality of life" stuff.
It's not really a conventional joke, with a punchline, I just like his style