The horror of office speak

[Greedo]

Was out at a meeting earlier and was sitting in reception waiting for my guy. (was nice and early) anyway behind the reception it was all open plan and I could see and hear some guy on the phone.


"what can we do to make this green? I need you to make this green for me"

Eco warrior?

No. The daft twat was meaning "Going to fix it?"

Mentioned this to the guy I was meeting who I get on very well with and can't possibly write what his response was or his opinion on the guy before the watershed

But seriously, what is that all about????????

 

[Melvil]

I don't know, I'm not going to internalise this one, compadre, if that's kosher with you - I'm off to a actioning session with some fresh brains...maybe we'll draw a mind map!

 

[ACS]

I don't know, I'm not going to internalise this one, compadre, if that's kosher with you - I'm off to a actioning session with some fresh brains...maybe we'll draw a mind map!

Having progressed the mind map we will run it up the flag pole and see what drop off then we will go and get all our ducks in a row..... Blah blah chuffin management blah, blah........

 

[dodgy]

You've got the suburbs of an idea there and it's heading towards the high street.

 

[John the Monkey]

I dislike "going forward". What ever's wrong with saying "from now on"?

 

[Greedo]

Guy I worked with a few years ago used to say "let's play Devils Advocate" all the time.

One guy who couldn't stand him used to sit and just bite his lip. One day he couldn't take it any longer and after he said it for about the 4th time in 40 mins he replied

"no, let's play Rocky! because I want to knock you out"

I nearly fell of my seat laughing.

Devil Advocate boy was not happy!

 

[Melvil]

I dislike "going forward". What ever's wrong with saying "from now on"?

You've got to allow for the people who live in a universe where time runs backwards, it's only fair...

 

[surfgurl]

I shall need some thinking time for the ideas to brew, so I can come up with an out of the box solution for you on that one.

 

[PaulB]

Let's ignore the elephant in the room and have a heads-up, after all, it's not rocket science.

 

[ACS]

...........Pushing the envelope........

 

[Stan]

...........Pushing the envelope........

It's hard to push the envelope when the envelope is stationery

 

[arranandy]

My line manager's favourite (and most frequently used) piece of management speak is 'make sure we're all singing from the same hymn sheet' Does my head in every time I hear it

 

[PaulB]

My line manager's favourite (and most frequently used) piece of management speak is 'make sure we're all singing from the same hymn sheet'

Play the PC card and tell him he wants to watch out saying that for fear of offending religious groups who don't have hymnals. No-one would be offended but he might think someone could be and stop it.

 

[domtyler]

I dislike "going forward". What ever's wrong with saying "from now on"?

Is that really classed as office speak? I'm always using that one. Going forward I may need to re-evaluate I guess.

 

[Batzman]

"Let's address that in a side-bar meeting..." aaaargh

I think this http://professionalsuperhero.com/ sums it up nicely..