Trains

[PBancroft]

A post by mr_cellophane in the "This is so wrong" thread reminded me of a story about trains I heard a little while back. A chap was returning home from work to Winchester a little the worse for wear after a liquid lunch and had fallen asleep on the way back. Knowing what would happen, however, he had planned ahead and asked his wife to pick him up.

He was awoken by a text. "I can see your train at the station" from his wife.

But the train was moving. Oh bugger I've missed the stop, he thought, and grabbed his belongings, opened the slam door and dove onto the platform. Managing, as only a drunk can, to keep his balance and belongings but still carry on moving he collided head first into the wall and fell flat on his back where he had a perfect view... of the train slow to a stop at the station and let the other passengers off in a more sensible fashion.

What daftness have you seen on a train?

 

[GrumpyGregry]

Slam door. Drunk bloke in suit. Wakes up with a start. Leaps to feet. Opens door on wrong side of train and attempted to get off from the stationary train. Stopped at a signal.

I grabbed him.

He punched me in the face.

I nutted him back, shoved him in a seat and as a passing train roared past the open door I pointed out I'd just saved his life.

Occasionally our paths cross on a station platform or on the concourse at London Bridge... We nod, almost imperceptibly.

 

[dellzeqq]

a blow job. Not in itself a daft thing, but there's a time and a place

 

[ianrauk]

I was drunk, sleepy, got on a train to home, feeling woozy, sat down. train got very busy, standing room only. Fell asleep, got up as it was my stop, thinking lucky I woke up in time. Some one pounced on my seat. Train came to stop, I got off, but it wasn't my stop, had to get back on, looking sheepish and stupid, no where to sit...

 

[Night Train]

a blow job. Not in itself a daft thing, but there's a time and a place

Seen that too, and full sex, on the London Underground.

 

[Arch]

Seen that too, and full sex, on the London Underground.

Cockfosters?

 

[Night Train]

Cockfosters?

Nah, there was definately ownership being displayed.

 

[upsidedown]

The bike area on the LM trains are by the toilet with the big semi-circular. Sliding electric door. When you go in you have to press the close button, then crucially the lock button. The second part rarely happens.

 

[Paulus]

The bike area on the LM trains are by the toilet with the big semi-circular. Sliding electric door. When you go in you have to press the close button, then crucially the lock button. The second part rarely happens.

Saw that happen on a South West Train, coming back from Portsmouth. The Lady on the loo was not happy to be exposed in her full glory. I have seen couples engaging in sexual activities on trains on the Underground, as there were small spy holes drilled in the cab doors which we could look through when in the stations, or stopped at signals.

 

[BrumJim]

I used to get a regular bulletin of goings-on on the SouthEastern Trains network.

One of my favourite stories relates to Networker trains that were originally fitted with a lovely non-slip platform and handrail infront of the cab. This was specified to allow maintenance staff to clean the windscreen. Unfortunately this made an ideal place for errant yoths to travel on the outside, rather than inside of trains. Until a sharp-eyed signalman noticed it happening, and informed station/driver.

Anyway, report of train leaving London with a "surfer" on board. At the first station stop train staff went to look, and found no-one hanging on the back, but inside notice a well-dressed city gent shaking like a leaf, and face as white as a sheet!

 

[Dora]

Not something I've seen, but something I did. I'm sure the people on the train were entertained by it anyway.
Taking my bike from Manchester to Coventry, I had to change trains at Wolverhampton. Unfortunately, the train manager had not been informed that there was a cycle to let on at the station, so hadn't opened the door, this resulted in several mad dashes up and down the platform to find the train manager so the door could be opened. I finally found the jobsworth manager, only to be told the train's about to leave and the door is all the way back there - if you can get all the way down there before I'm ready, you can get on the train (which was silver with a red and white logo, if anyone was thinking what a pile of numpties and would like to avoid them).

Cue me legging it back up the platform, pushing my bike, messenger bag flapping along behind me, lost control just a little bit, ran into a column and ended up flat on my back, with my bike upside down on top of me, both feet on the pedals, both hands on the handlebars. It would be an AWESOME party trick if only I could recreate it!

 

[ASC1951]

a blow job. Not in itself a daft thing, but there's a time and a place

Quite. And she could at least have asked your name first.