WHAT??!!

[Mad Doug Biker]

Yesterday morning, a family friend of ours was found dead. Seemingly he had commited suicide by throwing himself into the local River Leven (one of the fastest flowing in Britain). There were witnesses who saw him jump.

Thing is, it is so completely out of the blue and out of character (he was probably the last person you'd ever imagine to go and top himself, and he was our Lawyer too, so a respectable older gentleman coming up for retirement) that we are just left completely stunned. We can't beleive it, we don't quite know what to do or say, we.... Well, it just wasn't meant to be like this!

Apparently he was depressed.

My Dad and him we close friends as was my big brother and their son at school. My Dad is completely cut up about it, but that is nothing, his wife is understandably beside herself and their kids are coming up from down south to be there for her. I just cannot imagine what something like that must be like, I mean, what can you do to comfort them?

It just doesn't seem right, I mean, if he'd had an illness, died of a heart attack, been in an accident, even been attacked/murdered then it would have made at least some sense, but suicide?? What was he thinking?

I am posting this because it is of such magnitude to us all and so unbelievable that I just had to say something.

Thanks for listening

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Thanks. Suicide leave so much carnage for everyone else left.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

You know, the really sobering thing is that he jumped at a spot I cycle past regularly (Pat and I actually cycled past it on the way out/from to Balloch a couple of months ago and told her that people commit suicide or die from falling into that river as I pointed out how fast it was flowing). I think to myself, what if I had been there yesterday morning? What if I'd seen him? What if? What if?!

 

[mickle]

Death is hard enough to deal with - but suicide adds a whole other magnitude of pain. Sorry Doug.

 

[Silver Fox]

Awful sad news, sorry to hear that.

Depression is a horrible illness and can result in people thinking death is the only way to end their pain.

I feel for those left behind but also for the chap who took his own life.

 

[asterix]

Thanks. Suicide leave so much carnage for everyone else left.

That's the truth.

A family member aged 24 drove out to a remote part of Scotland put a hose from exhaust in through the window and of course died. No-one found him for days. His mother died not very long after aged 51. Unfortunately he had got in with the wrong crowd in Glasgow, left the country when things got a bit heavy and died not long after coming back. Fifteen years on, his father is just about coming to terms with it all.

 

[Dayvo]

Very sorry to hear that, Doug.

Condolences to all concerned.

 

[Archie_tect]

Doug, it won't be easy to come to terms with. It's not straightforward and as you say the people left struggle with feelings of guilt, anger and frustration as well as the emptiness. But people cope in their own ways, you won't forget but the horror of it will pass.

A work colleague of Mrs A_T's stepped in front of a train when his 2 children were in their early teens. His note said that he'd been so stressed at work [he'd taken more and more responsibility on to himself to make changes happen and hidden the pressure of it from everyone around him] and had felt it was the only way out and that people would be better off without him. The guilt everyone feels still hurts 12 years on. There isn't a day when his colleagues don't think about him- how his wife coped I can't imagine, but she did.

 

[Norm]

Sorry to read that, Doug, but don't beat yourself up or let any of the survivors think they could have done anything differently. Depression can be a very personal illness which sufferers can hide from themselves as well as everyone else. Think of the good things, don't let his choice of ending colour anything.

Yes, it can leave dreadful consequences but, many people can see, the hardest decision as the only decision they have left, and trying to understand their thinking is almost always futile, it's a place that most will never understand and they should be gratetful of that more than anything they will ever know.

IMO

 

[colly]

Sad tale Doug. I can't imagine how awful it must be for his family.
I heard about an ex work colleague who killed himself on the moors above Keighley many years ago. As with your friend a more unlikely candidate it would be hard to imagine.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Thanks everyone.

It is my parents who really knew him, so I'll probably never know the half of it.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I have a friend I was at school with who tried to cut his throat a few years back. Somehow he survived (and has the scars to prove it), and now says it was the stupidest thing he's ever done.

Yesterday, I just have to wonder if, once he'd jumped in, he realised his mistake but it was too late and he died in regret/fear.
I suppose we'll never know.

 

[Drago]

Sorry to hear that Doug

 

[Marshmallow_Fluff]

hmmm.. what can I say? I'm very sorry Doug!
Death is always sad, however suicide is so much more than just sadness. It's confusing and frustrating and filling the people left behind with a mixture of emotions (anger being one of them as well).
As a young girl, one of my best mates commited suicide. He hanged himself and he carefully planned it so that he would be left hanging in front of his parents bedroom window, so that he would be the first thing they see in the morning (very considerate). He left a vague note, basically saying that the problems of the past (???!!?) were suffocating him and that he chose to end it all, after considering all possible solutions.. Whatever!
For many years I was tormended by guilt, for -possibly- not being a good friend (since I knew nothing about those "problems") then angry because he did not trust me enough to confine, then devastated by the loss, then angry again for his being so stupit, and confused because he always looked so happy and positive, and it went on and on and on for I don't know how long! I can't even imagine what how it was for his family!!!
Had they had a second chance would they do the same? Who knows?? But doesn't that question apply to every single choice we make? At the end of the day, they had a choice, and I prefer to use my thoughts and energy for the people that don't! They are the real victims..

 

[ttcycle]

I'm really sorry to read about thid MDB. My thoughts are with you and the family.

As others have said, it is impossible to figure out what and why.

Depression is a horrid thing, it can distort and cloud the world around that person and affects everyone in a slightly different way but it can be a person's own private torture.

My condolences, I hope in time you all manage to make sense of this.