Wilbur Smith

[Keith Oates]

I saw this when I was looking at a site for Wilbur Smith and thought it was very funny, I hope some other members may also enjoy the short read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


[http://www.wilbursmi...lack_rhino.html]

 

[Aperitif]

I laughed at that Keith - nice storytelling that electrified the imagination - immediately!

 

[Globalti]

Outstanding!

I gave up reading Wilbur Smith years ago when I realised that all his novels were written to the same predictable plot.

 

[Dayvo]

Had a look on youtube and found this! Hope he had the right one; 'her' horn was bigger than his!

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=BMpelhWvS0s

 

[GordonB]

I'm fond of Wilbur Smith's novel and that story was utterly outstanding. Whilst I cannot possibly top it I can offer the following little tale in a similar vein.

Many years ago when I was about 18 I was holidaying in Northumberland and went fly fishing with a friend on the Coquet near Warkworth. Unfortunately, my total pain in the ar*e, gobby little brother (aged 16 at the time) insisted on tagging along, and mother insisted he be allowed to come with us, much to our disgust. Making our way along the river bank to my favoured spot we found that since our last visit sheep had been put out to graze and the farmer had placed an electric sheep fence in our path. Not too high, so my friend and I stepped over it with no problem but mouthy little git was - and is - of considerably shorter stature and had to stand on tiptoe to get over. As he was half way over my mate and I exchanged glances that spoke of revenge so I carefully placed the tip of my split cane fly rod (carbon fibre was but a dream then, thank god) under the wire and gently raised it a couple of inches. I suppose the effect was similar to the rhino's reaction, little snotnose shot skywards, easily clearing the fence and dropped to the ground clutching his nuts whilst screaming "ah'll tell me mam you bas*ard!", which he did very promptly when we got back. However, it was worth it as the little bugger kept well away from us for the rest of the day apart from the occassional snivel and never, ever came fishing again.

Gordon

 

[Globalti]

I'm fond of Wilbur Smith's novel and that story was utterly outstanding. Whilst I cannot possibly top it I can offer the following little tale in a similar vein.

Many years ago when I was about 18 I was holidaying in Northumberland and went fly fishing with a friend on the Coquet near Warkworth. Unfortunately, my total pain in the ar*e, gobby little brother (aged 16 at the time) insisted on tagging along, and mother insisted he be allowed to come with us, much to our disgust. Making our way along the river bank to my favoured spot we found that since our last visit sheep had been put out to graze and the farmer had placed an electric sheep fence in our path. Not too high, so my friend and I stepped over it with no problem but mouthy little git was - and is - of considerably shorter stature and had to stand on tiptoe to get over. As he was half way over my mate and I exchanged glances that spoke of revenge so I carefully placed the tip of my split cane fly rod (carbon fibre was but a dream then, thank god) under the wire and gently raised it a couple of inches. I suppose the effect was similar to the rhino's reaction, little snotnose shot skywards, easily clearing the fence and dropped to the ground clutching his nuts whilst screaming "ah'll tell me mam you bas*ard!", which he did very promptly when we got back. However, it was worth it as the little bugger kept well away from us for the rest of the day apart from the occassional snivel and never, ever came fishing again.

Gordon

Absolute class! Sounds as funny as when I put a grain of wheat in my Diana .177 air rifle and shot my little brother with it..... not to mention the time my sister and I convinced him there was ghost in the attic just at the moment the wind howled in the chimney cowl....

 

[Globalti]

I've just taken the time to read Wilbur Smith's short autobiography on that site. It's interesting; read it.

 

[CharlesF]

Yeah, rhino stories. When I was in the Rhodesian army we were based in the Zambezi valley which was very broken ground with thick bush. Our stick of four men where walking up a gulley onto flatter land when we felt the earth vibrating, next thing a huge rhino came charging up behind us. Rhinos can’t see very well but have a fantastic sense of smell. It/he/she had smelt us and charged us. Despite being armed and dangerous (ha ha) we were taken by surprise and didn’t react beyond quaking in our boots. We had some story to tell back at camp and the story was naturally embellished as it was re-told.

Our fame lasted a few weeks until Mike Duffy, in another stick, out-did us completely. They were in the same general area and were charged by a rhino. From behind, the rhino charged the four of them and the section scattered, Mike nimbly dodged as the rhino swerved the same way. It picked him up by his webbing, which didn’t break until he was carried about 30 metres. Mike reckons he lay on the ground wondering if the myth about rhinos returning was true. Luckily it didn’t and Mike was covered in bruises but no broken bones.

Our pathetic encounter was completely eclipsed.

 

[ColinJ]

So, the poor beast referred to in Keith's post was a rhino-sore-arse?

 

[Aperitif]

So, the poor beast referred to in Keith's post was a rhino-sore-arse?

That is 'A1' terrible Colin

 

[ColinJ]

That is 'A1' terrible Colin

We aim to please!

The odd thing is - I'd forgotten all about the thread, went to bed last night, then woke up at about 04:00 muttering "rhino-sore-arse". Weird how the mind works...