girofan
New Member
- Location
- Oswestry Shropshire
PaulB, wasn't Kendo Nagasaki NUKED?
Come on, tell me a good..
- Thread starter yenrod
- Start date
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Peter
Senior Member
You know when you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Andy. Could I please speak with Ryan Smith?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right f *** ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Ryan's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an peanut!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'peanut' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an peanut!" It always cheered me up.
Then Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'peanut' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID program?"
He yelled, "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an peanut!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first peanut (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW peanut, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 165 Oaklands Avenue, Welwyn. It's a yellow bungalow, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen."
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an peanut!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two peanuts to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called peanut #1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an peanut!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He screamed, "Stop calling me."
I said, "Make me."
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "peanut, I live at 165 Oaklands Avenue, Welwyn, a yellow bungalow, I have a black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, peanut," and hung up.
Then I called peanut #2. He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, peanut."
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
I exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!" I answered, "Well, peanut, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 165 Oaklands Avenue, Welwyn, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaklands Avenue, Welwyn.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Oaklands Avenue.
I got there just in time to watch two peanuts beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Andy. Could I please speak with Ryan Smith?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right f *** ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Ryan's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an peanut!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'peanut' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an peanut!" It always cheered me up.
Then Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'peanut' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID program?"
He yelled, "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an peanut!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first peanut (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW peanut, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 165 Oaklands Avenue, Welwyn. It's a yellow bungalow, and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen."
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an peanut!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two peanuts to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called peanut #1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an peanut!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He screamed, "Stop calling me."
I said, "Make me."
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "peanut, I live at 165 Oaklands Avenue, Welwyn, a yellow bungalow, I have a black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, peanut," and hung up.
Then I called peanut #2. He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, peanut."
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
I exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!" I answered, "Well, peanut, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 165 Oaklands Avenue, Welwyn, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaklands Avenue, Welwyn.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Oaklands Avenue.
I got there just in time to watch two peanuts beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
gbb
Legendary Member
- Location
- Peterborough
A guy says to his ex wifes new lover....
'how are you finding the second hand pussy'
'Oh, it's fine' said the new lover....'After the first three inches.....it's like it's never been used'
'how are you finding the second hand pussy'
'Oh, it's fine' said the new lover....'After the first three inches.....it's like it's never been used'
BentMikey
Rider of Seolferwulf
- Location
- South London
How do you stop a dog from barking?
Put a short section of hosepipe up its bum, then it will only be able to go huff huff huff - no more backpressure.
Put a short section of hosepipe up its bum, then it will only be able to go huff huff huff - no more backpressure.
Peter
Senior Member
CHINESE SICK LEAVE - "I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!"
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Boss I no come work today, I
real sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come
work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today When I
feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That
makes everything better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say
and I feel great. I be at work soon..... You got nice house."
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Boss I no come work today, I
real sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come
work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today When I
feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That
makes everything better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say
and I feel great. I be at work soon..... You got nice house."
