Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

For some reason i just remembered a statement someone made maybe 30 years ago....
Colleague, probably in the 1990s, cocksure, opinionated, occasionally bolshy was arguing his case for something, he suddenly said to a tablefull of fellow colleagues...
'Look, its not often i'm wrong and i think you'll find, i'm right again '

The entire table looked up... (probably followed by a few F's and blinds )

Nothing like a bit of humility eh ?

 

[HarryTheDog]

Bit of History here. My Missus has long held that me commuting by bike into work is a bit much for a 60yr old and too dangerous. Also I am thinking of taking early retirement
Yesterday, Missus to me. I saw on facebook a 62 yr old cyclist fell off his bike broke 3 ribs, 2 weeks later had a stroke and is now in a wheel chair his retirement ruined.
Today me to my Missus. I have bought a smart trainer so I can take virtual rides on my turbo.
My missus reply. Complete waste of money why dont you just go out and ride your bike.

 

[gbb]

Granddaughter (6), as she climbed in the car and saw a pair of earplugs like these

I wear them at work..she asked, 'what are they grandad ?'

Instantly, I picked them up and shoved one up my nose. 'Trump protectors, you shove em up your nose to stop the smell '

....GRANDAD, no theyre not......

 

[Gwylan]

"And then he kept coming round and knocking on the window waving a bag with an ounce of skunk in it which is a really shady thing to do as he knows I am trying to give it up..."

And I live on the 2nd floor

 

[Gwylan]

Bit of History here. My Missus has long held that me commuting by bike into work is a bit much for a 60yr old and too dangerous. Also I am thinking of taking early retirement
Yesterday, Missus to me. I saw on facebook a 62 yr old cyclist fell off his bike broke 3 ribs, 2 weeks later had a stroke and is now in a wheel chair his retirement ruined.
Today me to my Missus. I have bought a smart trainer so I can take virtual rides on my turbo.
My missus reply. Complete waste of money why dont you just go out and ride your bike.

It's female logic. Proof that there is at least one other dimension out there

 

[Gwylan]

New in the company.

Go to lab to find the head of product approval. Lab full of people, typical lab, some busy, others pretending.

Ask prettiest girl where I might find him.

Oh, easy. Look for a guy in a white coat with lots of pens and a fence under his arm?
Oh, fence under his arm?

Yes, he'll sit on it whilst he doesn't give you a straight answer

 

[bruce1530]

On the train earlier this week, going to work. The guy sitting opposite was wearing a jacket and hat with the logo of a local tourist attraction (don't want to mention the name). I commented on it, saying I had worked there when I was a student, many years ago.

I reckon the guy was about the same age as me. He told me that he worked there as an engineer, and we had a good chat about the place. I said I hadn't visited for a long time.

As we got off the train, he said "I get a friends & family discount; if you ever want to visit, just say you're related to Davie from Engineering."

"TELL THEM YOU'RE MY UNCLE...."

 

[gbb]

On the train earlier this week, going to work. The guy sitting opposite was wearing a jacket and hat with the logo of a local tourist attraction (don't want to mention the name). I commented on it, saying I had worked there when I was a student, many years ago.

I reckon the guy was about the same age as me. He told me that he worked there as an engineer, and we had a good chat about the place. I said I hadn't visited for a long time.

As we got off the train, he said "I get a friends & family discount; if you ever want to visit, just say you're related to Davie from Engineering."

"TELL THEM YOU'RE MY UNCLE...."

In the same way a colleague is telling me about this really old geezer...and I realise the person he is talking about is probably younger than me

 

[gbb]

just had son, DIL and three granddaughters visit. 9yo usually attaches herself to me and we're looking at the calculator on my phone, just messing with numbers. She said, put in 97x22....I did, she said that's 2134.
Hang on, how did you just do that ?
You see the columns in your head, she replied.
OK, so whats 43x 28..
She thought for about 5 seconds....and rattled off the correct answer no sight of the calculator.

I looked across at her mum and dad....
Did you see what she just did ?
Yeah, we know, she does that, we need pen and paper to work out, she just visualises it in her head.
Amazing...9 years old

 

[Andy in Germany]

A client/customer came to the shop yesterday with a flat tyre. He was not happy.

"My tyre's flat again. These tyres are cr*p"
I look at said tyre. It's a Schwalbe road cruiser, rated to 5 bar, certainly not new, so unlikely to have any extra puncture protection. I had changed the inner tube a month ago; when I last saw it, it was at 4 bar with no problems.
"What's been happening?"
"You changed my inner tube last month and three days ago it started going down again."
"So it was fine until three days ago?"
"Yes, now I have to punp it up all the time."
"Sounds like you ran over something in the last couple of days, a piece of glass or metal maybe."
"Yeah, but it should be able to deal with that, why are they so cr*p? I need them to work; I use my Ebike to travel, you know."
The penny drops: an Ebike. And this customer is fairly large, which probably isn't helping either. I explain the realities of life as regards very small pieces of glass and metal, and what puncture protection is, while checking the tyre and replacing the inner tube. Eventually we find a tiny but very sharp metal shard poking through the tyre. By the end the message has got through.
"How much does a tyre with puncture protection cost?"
"About 40€ usually. I can check with my wholesaler if you want"
"Hmm. Can I get one from [Bike Shop in next village]?"
"Probably"
"I'll get one there then, thanks."
"Okay." I make the bill for the inner tube and repair and off he goes.
I give it a week or two before he turns up with a new tyre expecting me to fit it.

 

[bruce1530]

Grandson comes home from nursery. He's 3.
He's quite upset.

"We need to phone Grandma" (That's what he calls his great-grandmother). "She might be dead".
"She's fine. Why do you think that?"
"The Big Bad Wolf might have got her"

They'd been doing "Little Red Riding Hood' at nursery...

 

[numbnuts]

Seeing this thread, I have just realised I have not spoken to anybody today

Same as 29 Mar 2017

 

[Gillstay]

`I just serviced your exercise bike' I told my partner.
`Why?'
`Well now you can go further and faster'
`Fecking idiot !' As she left the room.

Just no mechanical undestanding with some people.

 

[Chris S]

Not dialogue but I saw this on a sticker today, "Make Orwell fiction again"

 

[gbb]

Granddaughter, now 17 was told at college the syllabus has changed in her vetinary course, two important parts are dropped (probably because 99% of her year are not aiming for full vetinary qualifications and theyve disposed of the lab equipment she'd need)
Grandaughter...so what am I supposed to do now? Those two parts are critical to my aims? she asked her tutor.
'You've got half an hour to sort something out...tutor replied
Thought about it for 10 mins, went to see the next year's teacher, who has the neccessary equipment and knowledge and sought her advice.
Went back to original teacher and Informed her it was all sorted.
Teacher smiled, I knew you could do it, I just wanted to see how badly you wanted it.