People say the stupidest things!

[Greedo]

I was out at the printer 5 mins ago and have just stopped laughing. A girl who works in the office is chatting to the others. She's really good at her job and is a nice girl but commonsense wise she's not too bright.

Anyway she's getting married in 4 weeks time and she's talking about her honeymoon to Mexico. I say to her for a laugh 'hope you've got your visa sorted out as you won't get in without it'

her reply. ' shoot, no, I've got a mastercard and a switchcard though'

 

[Blue]

I suppose we have to assume that she is brighter than she sounds and that she is just pre-occupied with dresses and flower arrangements at the moment.

 

[gavintc]

It is a good retort if you can carry it off.

 

[Joe24]

I think she has out smarted you really

 

[got-to-get-fit]

Someone in our HR department just forwarded me a form to be filled out for someone working for me who is leaving the company.

The form is called a 'suitability to re-engage' form and in a nutshell is a reference for the guy so that if he ever wants to re-apply to our company we have a record from his manager on what kind of employee he was.

In one section it asks the reasons for him leaving the company, options are -

Early retirement
dismissal
ill health
redundancy
retirement
career break
compromise engagements
and ......

death in service............now then, why the hell would we want to re-employ someone who is quite clearly dead, i mean, imagine the smell!!

I challenged HR on this section of the form and they could not see anything wrong with it..........duh!!

 

[Mr Pig]

I challenged HR on this section of the form and they could not see anything wrong with it.

Well if you worked in medical research dead people could be quite useful.

 

[yenrod]

I was out at the printer 5 mins ago and have just stopped laughing. A girl who works in the office is chatting to the others. She's really good at her job and is a nice girl but commonsense wise she's not too bright.

Anyway she's getting married in 4 weeks time and she's talking about her honeymoon to Mexico. I say to her for a laugh 'hope you've got your visa sorted out as you won't get in without it'

her reply. ' shoot, no, I've got a mastercard and a switchcard though'

Has she got blonde her

 

[Greedo]

surprisingly no! Brunette. Lovely girl both personality and looking, good at her job and normally quite sensible but by god she comes out with pearlers at times. She once also asked when it came out in the cinema if King Kong was based on a true story

I was reminded of this one this morning, when we were having a laugh about yesterday!

Has she got blonde her

 

[goo_mason]

One of my old managers was like that - lovely, lovely woman and excellent at her job, but she could come out with some howlers.

She once walked into a managers meeting and announced that she'd been having problems with her pussy flaps.

She couldn't understand why they all slid under the table in hysterics. What she was talking about was a problem with the new cat-flaps she'd had fitted in her doors at home...!!!

Another cracker was when a temp 'misled' her about the name of a new brand of juice that was available in the vending machines. Later that day she yelled "Graham ! Can you get me some of the diet jism?", across the floor to him as he was off to the machine. Cue collapse of most of the department again, with her wondering what she'd said wrong.

I really miss those days. Working with her was brilliant and made me want to get up and go to work each day.

 

[Riding in Circles]

UK citizens do not need a visa for Mexico, so her Mastercard will do just fine.

 

[ChrisKH]

Someone in our HR department just forwarded me a form to be filled out for someone working for me who is leaving the company.

The form is called a 'suitability to re-engage' form and in a nutshell is a reference for the guy so that if he ever wants to re-apply to our company we have a record from his manager on what kind of employee he was.

In one section it asks the reasons for him leaving the company, options are -

Early retirement
dismissal
ill health
redundancy
retirement
career break
compromise engagements
and ......

death in service............now then, why the hell would we want to re-employ someone who is quite clearly dead, i mean, imagine the smell!!

I challenged HR on this section of the form and they could not see anything wrong with it..........duh!!

Cue change in staff in HR who have no idea who the guy was or his reason for leaving. Seems pretty reasonable to me. Even death in service, which for HR purposes could mean a payout of his 4 x salary death in service benefit (for example). Or as confirmation of the date of death if someone should contact the company for confirmation of pay details for probate purposes. I doubt whether the form is purely just for re-engagement purposes; think how often people go and work for the same company again? Not that often.

 

[Maz]

We had a Swede in our office once. He had an itinerary of items in each room of the house he was renting. For the kitchen it read "1 Saucepan, 1 frying pan, ...1 dustpan..."

He asked "Hmm. What do you cook in a dustpan?"

 

[yenrod]

We had a Swede in our office once. He had an itinerary of items in each room of the house he was renting. For the kitchen it read "1 Saucepan, 1 frying pan, ...1 dustpan..."

He asked "Hmm. What do you cook in a dustpan?"

A Swede in a kitchen seems to fit nicely !

 

[Greedo]

Also had another girl in the office looking over CV's for me once.

She said out loud (i'll try and do this phonetically) 'What's dijing'

What do you mean I said?

'It says on this guys CV one of his hobbies and interests is dijing'

give me a look i said.

It was DJ-ing

 

[buggi]

i've got some classics, mostly from the same woman at work.

she didn't believe that if you had blonde or ginger hair you also had blonde or ginger pubes... she thought everyone had black pubes

she once said she couldn't understand how the people on "stars in their eyes" got changed so quick when they walked through the doors.

remembers those dotted pictures that, if you stared at them long enough, a 3d picture appeared? well we photocopied the back of 4 wage slips placed side by side and told her it was one of those pictures. she swore she could see a train.

and a really funny one from my mates mum (now i know why my mate is so blonde). My mate had changed her number but i lost it so i phoned her mum and said "have you got Julie's new number". Her mum said, hang on, i'll go and get it". (let me just explain, the reason she had to go and get it was because she had programmed it into her house phone under No.1). i waited for ages and she eventually came back and said "I'm sorry, I can't find where i've put it...

[wait for it....]

...

...

have you got it?"