a general rant and shameful admittance

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by SamNichols, 14 Dec 2007.

  1. SamNichols

    SamNichols New Member

    Colne, Lancs
    Dear all,
    the holidays are closing in, and I am feeling a bit alone. Over recent months I have been 'seeing someone', although I know from previous endeavours that it will come to nothing, and that we won't be together at all. It's not a convenience per se, but a non-admittance that at the moment we will not be together. It makes me sad, just thinking about it really.
    Overall, my luck with the ladies hasnever been successful: as has been explained elsewhere, I am autistic and that makes building relationships extremely hard. The last girl I had a serious relationship was nearly 6 years ago now: the girl in question is now married with a child, and I still think about her. She was my first proper 'love', and probably my only love (i was 19 at the time, i am nearly 25 now), and whilst i don't miss her at all, I do miss what I had with her. She made me feel confident, and I felt comfortable around her.
    Anyway, since then, I have struggled, I have had a ridiculous relationship and too many seeing people events to count anymore. I just feel lonely, and I wish that I could meet a girl who likes me for me, and won't get freaked out by my demeanour. I see myself as a great catch: I am very clever, cultured, sensitive, and if this doesn't sound too vain, pretty good looking, so I can't understand why I am still on the shelf.
    Any words of encouragement, or dates, are much appreciated.
  2. Dayvo

    Dayvo Just passin' through

    Sam! Be patient!
    That's the only real piece of advice I can give you.
    I'm not familiar with the characteristics of autism, but you sound like a decent, intelligent, humorous kind of fella, and unless you're a real ugly ba$tard (sorry domtyler for suggesting that there might be ugly forumers here ;)) - which it seems is not the case from your self-description, then sooner OR later you will meet girls/women that you can have different kinds of friendships/relationships with.
    It isn't just about the 'physical' side, as enjoyable and fun as that is, but treat people well and with respect, and you'll stand out and the 'right' kind of girl will find you.
  3. Morning Sam - interesting post...you come across as a well educated decent bloke with thoughtful opinions, knowledge and experience on this forum. I'm sure you are a 'good catch' and there will be someone out there fishing for you...
    I think I started the 'serious relationship' bit of my life about age 25. At 19 I was far too busy with cricket, rugby, doing my thing and, to coin a Facebook phrase, "whatever I can get".
    Things change quickly so try not to be too down about this - it sounds as though you have a decent family to 'touch base' with (by the way - have you booked everyone's tickets for our holidays with your sister yet? ;)) and I'm sure you'll be feeling a lot better after reading the more astute posters who always seem to hit the spot with their support and encouragement.
    Have a great day Sam - conquer the world!
  4. gary r

    gary r Veteran

    Sam you are still young!!! Christmas always seems to highlight the fact that you are not in a relationship,& dont think you are alone thinking about an old relationships & what could have been.I have a long term partner & 2 kids but still think/dream about other past girlfriends!!!!
  5. Tetedelacourse

    Tetedelacourse New Member


    Right, first things first, don't change anything about yourself. It's not that you are deficient in any way (apart from in the modesty stakes :blush:) it's just that you haven't met your click yet. Obviously being autistic is a huge deal for you but it wont be for the right person.

    Secondly, I'd jettison the girl you've been / are seeing. And what better time than Christmas? Seriously! You have your family to fall back on as will she. If she's not doing it for you, you're both wasting your time and even worse, it might be preventing you from meeting the right lass.

    Thirdly it's natural to look back on good times and wish for them to return, albeit with a new partner. I think we all do that to a lesser or greater extent. So don't beat yourself up about that, just be thankful that you have had that experience. You wont dwell on your first love once you find your next.

    Lastly, if you do find someone special, work at it firstly to get what you want/ need and secondly to keep it that way. I think this is understated these days. Relationships take a lot of work.

    Even more lastly, a wee haircut and a wash of the old bollocks wouldn't go amiss:biggrin::biggrin:
  6. Tetedelacourse

    Tetedelacourse New Member

    And another thing. Nothing about your OP is shameful. Take my word for it.
  7. domtyler

    domtyler Über Member

    Don't be in too much of a rush to get married Sam.

    I was going to go into a long spiel now but I don't think I'd better get started.

    Best of luck fella.
  8. nothing to be ashamed of that i can see.

    *virtual man hug for sam*
  9. rich p

    rich p ridiculous old lush

    25 is still young these days. Lots of my people don't get into serious relationships until their thirties.
    To state the bleedin' obvious, you have to meet women to stand a chance which may or may not be a problem for you. If I was to come onto the market again I'd struggle to meet the opposite sex as I don't meet any at work, my cycling mates are male etc.
    Try and be relaxed and be yourself because you can't carry off an act for long. I'm sure you'll find someone one day, you seem a genuine, nice bloke.*
    (but then again so do I !).

    *Apart from being a bit over-protective of your younger sister!
  10. walker

    walker New Member

    Bromley, Kent
    Hello Sam,

    We all go through the same spell from time to time. Just hang in there and just enjoy yourself, Don't go out looking for women as when you do its printed on your face and women steer clear of you. Just enjoy yourself with your mates and before you know it the woman you want will just be in front of you, or under you :blush:
  11. domtyler

    domtyler Über Member

    The way he's feeling he may get carried away! :blush::wacko:
  12. col

    col Veteran

    Hi Sam,i know its not the same,but before i met my wife,i had similar thoughts.The only thing i can say is,dont try too hard to find that specail someone,when they come along,which they will,it will just happen.You have loads of time,im sure mrs right will appear.
  13. domtyler

    domtyler Über Member

    Have you thought about a short weekend break in Amsterdam? :blush:
  14. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Salford, UK
    I'd offer you a date, but I'm old enough to be your mother...

    God, I know what you mean about feeling alone. My so-called love life has been a series of vague disasters and disappointments. At the start of this year I thought it was all coming together OK, after a long wait for the right guy, then fate intervened, and I'm alone again, a widow in all but technicality (us not having been married), and in my bleaker moments, convinced I'll never meet anyone so right again. Thank god I don't have one of those imperative biological clocks some women have, or that would be ticking loudly as well.

    I don't mean to say "think yourself lucky" telling you this, I'm not quite sure what I am saying, except maybe seize the moment and don't dwell on the future, or the past. If the right person turns up, they'll turn up. At 25 you have decades left to play with, and there's no point, as you've accepted, in putting up with something just for the sake of it, if it also makes you unhappy.

    As to why you're 'still on the shelf' (although at 25 I think you're a bit young to use that phrase) - well, the greatest literature in the world stays on the self until the right person happens along who wants to read it and understand it properly. Whereas Mills and Boons fly out there, are read and discarded in an afternoon. You are obviously War and Peace, or David Copperfield, not Doctor Love Fixed My Broken Heart.

    Have a virtual hug, anyway.
  15. domtyler

    domtyler Über Member

    Age is just a number Arch, if you like him then my advice is to go for it. :blush:
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