Dear Mr of Gold (or Miss, you do not specify),
I thank you for your correspondence of 4th April 2013 and understand fully the point you raise. However, I and my colleagues from the Temperature and Directional Air Movement Departments are unable to comply with your request.
You will appreciate, I am sure, the targets set by God (and other deities) regarding the growing of crops, the blooming of the flowers and the gamboling of the new-born lambs. In line with these targets and our wider strategic goals in a number of fields, we feel that an ongoing commitment to unpredicatable, unpleasant and unhelpful weather is the only sensible choice going forward.
I and my colleagues in Weather have overseen in recent years an unprecedented growth in measurable impact on the environment and are rightly proud of having met all the achievables agreed in our personal target set. Our teams and our wider staff have worked tirelessly in a changeable economic and meteorological environment to meet targets and maintain a positive and optimistic workplace. Your request will therefore be ignored.
Frankly, you are lucky to get even this response. A letter containing the word **** can hardly be described as polite, even by a so-called cyclist.
Yours sincerely,
The Snow