Apologies this morning

[janm399]

On my way to work this morning, a car ahead of me pulled out without seeing me. She had her right indicator on, so I was prepared for her to pull out. I still shouted "Oi!"; another cyclist heard me and started giving the driver a lot of abuse. She stopped and then drove off.
I was a bit annoyed that the other chap gave her so much abuse, especially since she had her children in the car. I kept up with her and eventually, she pulled over and wound the window down. Even before she said anything, I said: "I'm so sorry for the other guy, he should not have given you all that abuse". She apologised for pulling out without looking, she was pretty shaken. In the end I said that it was all right, no harm done and I said sorry for the other chap again. In the end, she looked much more relaxed.
I appreciate the other cyclist's reaction, but I think we all need to remember that people make mistakes; most of the time it is not malice, just a mistake. I don't think she deserved quite so much abuse.
My "Oi" was just like another car beeping its horn; she knew all too well that she's made a mistake and hopefully won't do it again.
Anyway, rant over.

 

[Maz]

Good for you, janm399. Good to defuse the situation like that. Better karma all round.

 

[janm399]

It doesn't give her an excuse to drive stupidly, but she should not be hearing f**ing idiot, you f***, ... I don't think being polite and complaining are mutually exclusive. All it would have taken is a "pay attention" shout or something like that.

 

[Maz]

Don't apologise for the other cyclists behaviour, just because she has children in the car does not give her the excuse to drive like an idiot.

Irrespective that people can make mistakes or not.

Driving like an idiot? Doesn't sound like it from the description. She made a mistake.

 

[Lazy-Commuter]

Good for you, janm399. Good to defuse the situation like that. Better karma all round.

+1

Always better to try to be nice, it spreads goodwill and fuzzy warmth around.

UNLESS, you come across someone like in Sig Silver Printer's thread .. then you're fully justified in letting rip; somebody like that bloke would only see warmth and fuzziness as a sign of weakness.

 

[Bugner]

why not? tis the language nowadays if you are having a go.

And that attitude is why society is in freefall. No respect for each other!!

Slightly off tangent but that attitude highlights the following incident. My bike is off the road at the moment (back next week) Therefore had a exchange with some youths while waiting for a bus. Long queue, they decide they can go to the front as bus arrive. nobody else says anything, I have to say something. So I point out that there is a queue and the response is "we don't have to f**king queue for anything" at which point I respond with "you do today" and block their way so the rest of the queue can get on the bus. On bus journey I then get lots of throat cutting jestures, kissing of the teeth etc etc. They get off a couple of stops later and then 3 people on the bus say to me 'good for you' I wish I had said something etc etc.

My point being, the attitudes and language of today shouldn't just be accepted.

RANT OVER

 

[Lazy-Commuter]

I don't think you can compare a ped (who feels a lot more vulnerable) to a person who pulls out in a car.

Apart from they both make mistakes, and could both have injured somebody else. Admittedly the person in the car could have caused far more damage, but the person in the car was clearly sorry for their actions whereas the ped in Sig's story compounded his mistake by then kicking off at Sig. It it that attitude that I would respond to, rather than the mistake.

 

[BentMikey]

Whatever she did, intentionally or just carelessly, she made a mistake. Being nice to her, and spreading good karma, makes it *much* more likely that she'll learn from and improve her actions in future. Swearing and shouting is never justified, and will almost always result in the other person not acknowledging their mistake. I just wish I could be better at the not swearing and shouting bit. And lets face it, we all make mistakes.

 

[dondare]

If Lee is saying that you can't apologise for someone else's behaviour, then I agree.
I agree that motorists who ignore cyclists and pull out into their path are a real danger and should be made to realise it.
But I don't think that the other cyclist had any business to swear at a woman with her kids; and that in this instance, an apology was the best thing to do.

My maxim for the day: "Few situations are so bad that you can't make them a whole lot worse by losing your temper."

 

[BentMikey]

I think it is, drivers in cars have a legal obligation and it annoys me when they pull out without looking.

Would you like someone swearing and shouting at your wife/mother and turning them into a tearful wreck? I don't think so. It's not justified, and this shows a distinct lack of tolerance. Is that sort of behaviour excusable? Perhaps sometimes, but that still doesn't make it right.

 

[yello]

I think we all need to remember that people make mistakes; most of the time it is not malice, just a mistake.

Top man, well said.

I'm not sure I agree with others that say you can't apologise for the other cyclist. I know what they are saying (in that the actions are the other cyclist's, not yours) but you can express sorrow/disagreement/whatever with it and certainly for the manner in which it was done. Besides, you didn't ask that cyclist to protest on your behalf either!

 

[yello]

Coincidently, I've just read this on another thread...

why bother, does it get you antwhere being wound up?

Methinks User3143 just likes being contrary

 

[sjb]

As soon as you swear you lose any moral high ground and lose the chance to win a convert to your point of view. I speak from experience of the reaction I get to my "observations" on motorist's driving standards - I try to stay calm nowadays and it generally works far better than losing control - as BM says, at least you have a chance of improving someone's behaviour.

Keep a sense of perspective and chill......

 

[Bodhbh]

Best way is to turn the tables and think how you'd like it yourself. Personally, I'm still getting some road sense and make 2-3 mistakes a week myself which I think must annoy/confuse other road users. Wouldn't be too happy to get a torrent of abuse for it every time, so don't make a habit of dishing it out either over honest mistakes. Live and let live a bit, count to 10, etc. Everyone looses their temper now and then but some make an artform out of it. That guy sounded a knob, prolly starts blasting his horn at every minor irritation in his car.

 

[janm399]

I felt that I needed to apologise for the other cyclist's behaviour. I don't want her to think that all cyclists are in fact really horrible people. I know that her driving was careless; still, I always try to react in a way that is suitable for the situation.
If she deliberately drove at me in a race to the next set of red lights, I'd kick off; this case was a mistake that she was genuinely sorry for. I apologised for the other chap's shouts, she apologised for pulling out on me without looking.
In fact, all it takes to diffuse unintentional bad driving around me is if the driver acknowledges their mistake. There is no excuse for deliberate bad driving, but that's another story.