Since everybody who commutes seems to have had a nasty incident I'll tell you about mine! It was back in 1972 and I was a long-haired spotty yoof at Gosforth High School on the A1 just outside Newcastle upon Tyne. I used to cycle the 5 miles to school and in the afternoons I would collect my 10 speed from the bike shed, ride down the long drive to the A1, cross the dual-carriageway and join wor lass Gillian outside the greyhound stadium opposite. Then we would walk hand in hand back to hers where I would cop a quick snog on her doorstep before wobbling off home on the bike (ever tried riding a bike with an erection?) Anyway there was this Mr Tony ice cream van that used to park outside the school and one day I was waiting patiently to cross the stream of traffic going north when Mr Tony put his front bumper against my rear wheel and shoved me out into the road. Naturally I turned round to say "what the hell are you doing?" Thought no more of it, got across the road, joined Gill and her pal and set off walking, pushing the bike with my right hand. Suddenly Mr Tony screeched across the road, bounced up the pavement and out jumped a short swarthy chappie who ran up to me and said: "Eh, my-a mate, he a-tell-a me you tell me to f*ck off!" I opened my mouth to deny this and BANG, a clenched fist hit me in the teeth. Mr Tony raced off leaving me spitting out teeth and rather shocked. The girls got his reg, we all gave statements and he was arrested. To cut short a long story he got off scott free because he was "a man of straw" in the words of the Police. I expect they thought I really did provoke the bloke. They did tell me he had to have 7 stitches to the back of his hand though. Many hours of dental treatment ensued leaving me with crowns, bridge, you name it. I went before the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board, three old duffers who looked at my teeth and awarded me £290.00, which was quite a lot at that time. Naturally rather than invest it wisely I spent the lot on Who records, posters, concert tickets, joss sticks and all kinds of other rubbish. Ah well.