Attack of the Motons!!

Discussion in 'Commuting' started by Jacomus-rides-Gen, 3 Oct 2007.

  1. Jacomus-rides-Gen

    Jacomus-rides-Gen New Member

    Guildford / London
    Last night as the the cloying, moist air wrapped itself around the cathedral, swirling in the floodlights and turning the angel on top into a ghostly apparition, something began to stir. It wasn't evil, it wasn't malicious, it was no less dangerous though, and its effects charged the air with an uneasy energy.

    A lone cyclist appeared over the brow of the hill, two bright lights stabbing their white beams into the murk, mist swirling back over his shoulders as he exhaled in the cold, wet air. Cycle and rider picked up speed, his form crouching low on the dropped handlebars of his old steed. He swished through a left hand corner at the bottom of the hill, leaning in at speed, making fast smooth progress through the night.

    Paris, 1860 - a Frenchman named Etienne Lenoir patented the first practical gas combustion engine and two years later drove a car based on the design from Paris to Joinville. This event is commonly believed to have spawned the first generation of Moton, however, as will be explained further down this passage, Motons are strange, unpredictable creatures, and as such lay dormant for a number of years after their spawning. As automobiles became more advanced, and more accessible more and more Motons were spawned, some estimates range as high as one Moton per motor vehicle, an astonishing 800million in 2003.

    Motons live in motorvehicles, but take no form, relying instead on infecting a host in order to wreak their havoc. Motons can hunt in packs, or alone, and do not seem to be governed by any need to feed - as far as current research can tell, they take control of their host at random, in order to put cyclists and pedestrians and even other road users at risk.

    The Moton struck just as the cyclist was leaning into the next corner. The driver, slack jawed and glassey eyed appeared to look directly at the cyclist, but the Moton controlling the human had removed the unwitting human's speed perception. Hard subliminal messages told the human to accelerate out of the turning; the Moton ruling the human as easily as as a puppetmaster manipulating his helpless dolls.

    An outraged bellow pierced the humans unconciousness, momenterily shaking off the hold of the Moton. He braked and stopped directly blocking the cyclists path, there was little the cyclist could do but straighten up and brake. He managed to swerve behind the car, but could not stop before he was swallowed by a large conifer. The revving engine disapearing into the night told the cyclist that the Moton had regained its hold on the driver and they were now speeding through the night with the same brain function as 30 year old cannabis addict.

    There was little the cyclist could do but brush the vegetation from his person and machine, and continue on his journey to work.

    The next morning the same cyclist and bike were turning a brisk pace on their way to university, for those in the know the cyclist was holding a primary position in an effort to defend himself from Moton attack. When he reached the large roundabout he signalled clearly, performed his lifesaver and attacked the corner. The road was dry as a bone and he leant right over, cornering as if on rails, until from his left came a car.

    Its tyres screaming like a banshee it narrowly missed the cyclist who had grabbed his brakes and come to a halt slightly further round the RAB, as he turned back the driver leapt from their vehicle. Face choleric with impotent rage, they began to shout at the cyclist. Threats of violence, deeply knowledgable insights into the Highway Code topped off with well rounded opinons on the cyclists nerve to use the road instead of the shared path.

    Stunned, the cyclist could think of no retort, and simply turned away with a shake of the head. The slamming of the car door galvanised the cyclist, who accelerated off the roundabout and swept through the corner into the sanctuary of the university.

    This chap, being an experienced cyclist took a moment to quietly curse cyclomathmatics as he locked his cycle, before wondering when the third Moton attack would present itself. In many walks of life events happen in sequences of three, though in cycling this is a virtual law that is rarely broken. Crashes, punctures, Moton attacks, mechanicals, they all happen in fatalistic series of three, it is a rare cyclist who bucks this trend.

    He knows not when the next Moton will strike, but he knows that they will.

    The wait begins...

    Bloody Motons, I didn't even get a SMIDSY. ;);)!
  2. bonj2

    bonj2 Guest

    Is anyone able to explain what this thread means in layman's english rather than shakespeare talk?
  3. nethalus

    nethalus New Member

    In my house
    What is it with roundabouts? People just don't seem to understand the simple rule of them, giveway to traffic coming from your right! And it don't matter if it's a cyclist, milkfloat, car etc. I've had so many near misses with people who just don't look to their right when entering a roundabout. And if they can't see a 14ft hight 8ft wide double decker bus what chance has a cyclist got?!
    My poor old mum was knocked clean off her bike at a roundabout by a woman driver in a car who said she "Didn't see the cyclist!" My mum banged her head (fortunately she was wearing a helmet) when she fell and suffered scrapes and bruises and was carted off to hospital. She did suffer permenant loss of hearing in one ear after the accident.
  4. OP

    Jacomus-rides-Gen New Member

    Guildford / London
    I'm afraid that I won't be able to dumb myself down enough to reach your level bonj, apologies.
  5. John the Monkey

    John the Monkey Frivolous Cyclist

    Your story has touched my heart, Jacomus.

    (That cyclomath link was a good read too).
  6. Maz

    Maz Legendary Member

    Golden rule: don't hug the edge of your lane when you're on the circulatory of a roundabout. Take the primary, you'll be more visible to traffic trying to join the roundabout.
  7. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Salford, UK
    Also, it can help to wear a large fibreglass costume of a double decker bus, although, as nethalus said, even that doesn't always do the trick...;)

    I used to drive a bright green ex-mobile library, and sometimes 'they' failed to see that...
  8. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Salford, UK
    Oh and jacomus, I liked your prose...
  9. BentMikey

    BentMikey Rider of Seolferwulf

    South London
    Very nice Jacomus!!
  10. gambatte

    gambatte Middle of the pack...

    S Yorks
    Nice one Jac.

    Bonj, means he twice had run ins with Berks* at a roundabout.

    (*Apparantly rhyming slang from 'Berkshire Hunt')
  11. nethalus

    nethalus New Member

    In my house
    LOL! Driving around dressed up like a double decker would make an interesting spectacle though!;)
  12. magnatom

    magnatom Guest

    ;) Nice one! (the writting that is, not the driving obviously ;))

    (Go on admit it. You spent three days writing that :smile:)
  13. yenrod

    yenrod Guest

    Cycling on the road is a bit like controoled suicide but without the happening ie you've got to put yourself in danger...and hope to sweet ether that thge driver slows down though even if you get eye contact the CD can get uppity cause your taking the p!!! yet your only thinking of your life...
  14. fossyant

    fossyant Ride It Like You Stole It!

    South Manchester
    Very well written A*

    I did ask my wife if she minded me commuting again - last time I did it in heavy traffic involved a nasty accident, and just luck resulted in a broken hand (busted bike though)...but she said she had her old 'husband' back... the one that's calmer, less stressed etc and is home at a reasonable time....bonus......

    Glad you survived, just not worth getting upset is it.... happens in a car or a bike...just some real idiot's out there !
  15. gambatte

    gambatte Middle of the pack...

    S Yorks
    I was on the big roundabout near meadowhall the other day. Its all light controlled. The next entrance was waiting on a red. I was to get off at the exit immediately after. Only problem was that the boy racer waiting to get out wasn't looking at his light to go amber.

    He was looking at the light for traffic from the right, waiting for that to turn amber and took that as his cue to floor it. saw me passing in front of him as his cue to slam the anchors on!:biggrin:
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