And if you are a tenant ...
Could you please not make a cock up of your barbecue and set fire to the plastic drainpipe? And if you do so, could you please replace it rather than snapping off the charred remains of it and hiding them in the garage?
It would also be really good if you didn't spill various nasty make-up remover chemicals on the new bedroom carpet.
If you notice that the sealant round the bath has split, please let the landlord know so that they can repair it. This will mean that you don't have to live in a property with a damaged ceiling due to the amount of water you and your child splosh about at bath time.
When you sign a contract saying that you will forward any of the property owner's mail, please do not bin every single item of it. When you do bin the mail, please understand that important things like the reminder for the gas safety check will then not get read. That wouldn't matter so much if the managing agent did their job and arranged the check as they should have done, but it is nice to be kept in the loop rather than just getting abusive phone calls about people trying to 'murder' your baby with 'dangerous' gas appliances. (A 4 year old-boiler with a completely up-to-date service history.)
Please don't tell the council that you moved out of the property 4 months before you actually did because the landlords have to start paying council tax themselves after 6 months.
Rent ... It's that sum that you promised to pay once a month in return for being able to live in the property. When you tell the landlord that you have £20k in the bank towards a deposit on a house, don't then accuse them of trying to 'starve' your child when they gently remind you that haven't paid the rent for 3 months. If you tell the landlord to use the bond for one month's rent, kindly don't do more than that amount of money's worth of damage to the property. Also, please don't tell the landlord that you can't pay the rent because you are using the money to do up your uncle's property before you move into it, and don't accuse the landlord of trying to make your child 'homeless' when they point that out to you. Calling them a "f***ing money-grabbing cow" isn't nice.
Don't bring the building waste from your uncle's property and dump it on the rented property's lawn. It kills the grass and has to be disposed of by the landlord.
Er, don't threaten the landlord with a court case for 'illegal eviction' on a date 3 weeks after you actually left! If you are thick enough and mean enough to do so, it would be good idea not to tell all the utility companies that you left when you actually did!
Threatening and abusive text messages in the middle of the night don't impress.
When you sign a contract saying that you will not change the locks without permission -
don't!
When you leave, take your stuff with you. When the landlord takes possession of the property after you have gone and changes the locks, please read the notice on the door which says that the locks have been changed and ring the number given to arrange to be let in to pick that stuff up. Please don't snap your key off in the lock, then go round the back of the property and smash a window to get in.
That's a young British family.
As for the Poles ... What happens when you let a different property to a Polish couple? The next thing you know they've got a few mates in and before you know it they ...
... are being polite and friendly to you and the neighbours, are grateful for being provided with an affordable place to live, don't make much noise, pay their rent on time, invite you round for a meal, look after the place ...
bloody foreigners! 
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