About six years ago I was cycling along a bridleway in some woods near Sevenoaks. The surface was very wet and muddy and I lost traction, ground to a halt and fell over on my right side. I was still clipped in to the pedals and in a perfect riding position, with a tree stump poking up through the centre of the frame. I couldn't unclip my right foot because I was laying on it and couldn't move the frame anywhere due to the tree stump. I unclipped my left foot but could no nothing with it so my leg was flailing around helplessly in the air. I can't remember now exactly how I got myself back up but it took a little while as I recall. Luckily there were no spectators to this pathetic spectacle.
Cheerful thread - Funny Offs
- Thread starter J4CKO
- Start date
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Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
A couple of years ago, I was out on a group ride and lagging a bit as it had got quite hilly. I decided to stop and take my jacket off, so I pulled over to the verge (about a couple of feet wide, then a ditch and hedge), and put my left foot out to rest on the grass as I stopped. Normally, I have to hop off the saddle to put a foot down comfortably, but the raised verge meant I could stay in the saddle and just lean.
Except, what I thought was a verge above the level of the tarmac was in fact a verge below the level of the tarmac, but with long grass. So I leaned and leaned and leaned a bit more, and eventually went right over, all in one movement. Rolled over on the verge, and slithered into the ditch under the hedge. Still 'on' my bike, so that I ended up upside down, in a damp ditch, under a hedge, bike on top of me between my legs, wheels spinning. And stuck.
Luckily a couple of guys had been a little way behind me, chatting, and they pulled me out. I suppose if I'd been really alone, I'd have wriggled out eventually, but just for a moment, I couldn't move.
At least the water in the ditch was only a couple of centimetres, and not a foot, or I'd have drowned!
Once I was out, I couldn't stop giggling about it, and I was picking bits of vegetation out of my hair all day. I wish someone had got it on video, it must have been a hilarious sight.
Except, what I thought was a verge above the level of the tarmac was in fact a verge below the level of the tarmac, but with long grass. So I leaned and leaned and leaned a bit more, and eventually went right over, all in one movement. Rolled over on the verge, and slithered into the ditch under the hedge. Still 'on' my bike, so that I ended up upside down, in a damp ditch, under a hedge, bike on top of me between my legs, wheels spinning. And stuck.
Luckily a couple of guys had been a little way behind me, chatting, and they pulled me out. I suppose if I'd been really alone, I'd have wriggled out eventually, but just for a moment, I couldn't move.
At least the water in the ditch was only a couple of centimetres, and not a foot, or I'd have drowned!
Once I was out, I couldn't stop giggling about it, and I was picking bits of vegetation out of my hair all day. I wish someone had got it on video, it must have been a hilarious sight.
Archie
Errrr.....
Back in my younger days I was 
back from the 
one night and at the time I had those old Ever-Ready lights mounted on the forks. I noticed the front light bracket had twisted so the light wasn't shining forward, but rather than stop I decided to give the light a kick to twist it back to the right angle. A couple of dunts had no effect however, so the next kick carried some force.
Unfortunately the kick only struck a glancing blow to it's intended target, and the force carried my foot through the spokes, which then wedged it against the forks, thus arresting the bikes forward motion. This resulted in me flying over the handlebars (happily dislodging the foot in the process), executing a 1/2 somersault and sliding to a halt on my back.
Luckily there were no other vehicles, and I was wearing a thick jacket for the cold which took most of the force. So after dusting myself off and fixing the light bracket I was
on my way again. I don't even remember being bruised, but that was probably the effects of the alcohol, bringing a ying-yang life balancing element to the story, and proving the truth of the Homer Simpsons bon mot, this being the cause of and the solution to the problem. 
back from the one night and at the time I had those old Ever-Ready lights mounted on the forks. I noticed the front light bracket had twisted so the light wasn't shining forward, but rather than stop I decided to give the light a kick to twist it back to the right angle. A couple of dunts had no effect however, so the next kick carried some force. Unfortunately the kick only struck a glancing blow to it's intended target, and the force carried my foot through the spokes, which then wedged it against the forks, thus arresting the bikes forward motion. This resulted in me flying over the handlebars (happily dislodging the foot in the process), executing a 1/2 somersault and sliding to a halt on my back.
Luckily there were no other vehicles, and I was wearing a thick jacket for the cold which took most of the force. So after dusting myself off and fixing the light bracket I was
on my way again. I don't even remember being bruised, but that was probably the effects of the alcohol, bringing a ying-yang life balancing element to the story, and proving the truth of the Homer Simpsons bon mot, this being the cause of and the solution to the problem. 
Rhythm Thief
Legendary Member
- Location
- Ross on Wye
I got enormously drunk with my brother a few years ago in Bahrain and towards the end of the evening it seemed like a good idea to ride my parents' bikes up to the swimming pool to go for a swim. On the way there I applied gentle rear brake with my left hand to slow me down for a junction ... only the brakes were set up for a left hand drive country and what I actually did was lock the front wheel and go straight over the bars and land on my face on the tarmac. Of course, being full of Stella I laughed it off, got back on the bike and went for my swim, but the next morning I realised I'd made a proper mess of my face and fractured my wrist.
Twenty Inch
Guru
- Location
- Behind a desk
I took myself and my Dahon Impulse folder up to the NFT for a Critical Mass two years ago. Nice evening, good turnout, we set off in high spirits. I'd not long had the Dahon and was enjoying riding a folder that was nearly as quick as a big bike. As we set off, a bunch of BMX kiddies were pulling wheelies up and down the pavement. This overweight 38 year old salaryman thought it would be fun to join in. Pulled a couple of small ones to get the feel, then went for it. And landed on my arse in front of a Critical Mass.
Had a sore arse for weeks.
Had a sore arse for weeks.
andy_wrx
Über Member
I once rode straight into the back of a parked car by staring too hard at the front brake, trying to see if it was rubbing on the wheel.
At the last moment, I noticed the car in my peripheral vision, couldn't stop or avoid it, so as I ran into the back of it I stuck my arms out and landed on the back of it.
The tyre hit the bumper, no damage to car or bike, I was OK but stuck spread-eagled on the back of the car with my feet still in the toeclips trying to work out how to get off without the bike falling over and me sprawling in the road.
This was right opposite a hotel - the doorman thought it was much funnier than I did...
At the last moment, I noticed the car in my peripheral vision, couldn't stop or avoid it, so as I ran into the back of it I stuck my arms out and landed on the back of it.
The tyre hit the bumper, no damage to car or bike, I was OK but stuck spread-eagled on the back of the car with my feet still in the toeclips trying to work out how to get off without the bike falling over and me sprawling in the road.
This was right opposite a hotel - the doorman thought it was much funnier than I did...
Old Walrus
Guru
- Location
- Hassocks, West Sussex
A different type of 'off', perhaps more of an 'on'..........
My usual commute takes me from home in Hassocks down into Brighton at various hours around the clock. I don’t have to carry that much on the bike as I am able to store clothes in a locker and transport them down when my shifts fit in with the train service.
However recently I was required to work at Haywards Heath for one day. Logistically this meant packing a complete change of work clothes plus equipment into the panniers. I decided to travel up by train knowing that it would be a 2 am cycle home. Once packed the bike was much heavier than usual.
On arrival at Haywards Heath the bike was positioned with the rear towards the door, knowing there was a queue behind me I hurried to get out and onto the platform. There is quite a drop between train and platform and as I manhandled the bike off so bike and gravity took over...... Result, an undignified collapse of the bike onto the platform closely followed by my on top of it.
The bike ended up with a slightly bent rear wheel, thanks Baker St Bikes for sorting that out so quickly. I (a fortnight after) still have two lumps below my knees and some interesting bruising on both insteps. Moral of the tale, don’t overload your bike, the consequences can be very painful and expensive.
My usual commute takes me from home in Hassocks down into Brighton at various hours around the clock. I don’t have to carry that much on the bike as I am able to store clothes in a locker and transport them down when my shifts fit in with the train service.
However recently I was required to work at Haywards Heath for one day. Logistically this meant packing a complete change of work clothes plus equipment into the panniers. I decided to travel up by train knowing that it would be a 2 am cycle home. Once packed the bike was much heavier than usual.
On arrival at Haywards Heath the bike was positioned with the rear towards the door, knowing there was a queue behind me I hurried to get out and onto the platform. There is quite a drop between train and platform and as I manhandled the bike off so bike and gravity took over...... Result, an undignified collapse of the bike onto the platform closely followed by my on top of it.
The bike ended up with a slightly bent rear wheel, thanks Baker St Bikes for sorting that out so quickly. I (a fortnight after) still have two lumps below my knees and some interesting bruising on both insteps. Moral of the tale, don’t overload your bike, the consequences can be very painful and expensive.
Baggy
Cake connoisseur
- Location
- Where the chevrons are
Nearly forgot - I fell off my bike when it was attached to a turbo trainer once...
Baggy
Cake connoisseur
- Location
- Where the chevrons are
It was an achievement. 
Adjusted my position by sliding backwards, and shot straight off the back.
Adjusted my position by sliding backwards, and shot straight off the back.
BentMikey
Rider of Seolferwulf
- Location
- South London
Lucky that was on a turbo trainer, on the road you might have found yourself crimped between the back wheel rolling forwards and the seatstays/saddle post.
Baggy
Cake connoisseur
- Location
- Where the chevrons are
BentMikey said:
That's why I have mudguards
Found myself wedged under the kitchen table wearing a telephone and a large stack of paperwork
rogerzilla
Legendary Member
Trying to remove a left SPD pedal, the cranks kept turning (it's easier on a fixed, but this wasn't). I thought it would be a great idea to put on an SPD shoe and clip my right foot into the left pedal to hold it still.
This worked. The pedal came free with a bit of welly on the pedal spanner.
Then I fell into the flowerbed, still attached to the bike.
This flowerbed has no flowers. It's where I pour used cooking fat and other unspeakable liquids.
This worked. The pedal came free with a bit of welly on the pedal spanner.
Then I fell into the flowerbed, still attached to the bike.
This flowerbed has no flowers. It's where I pour used cooking fat and other unspeakable liquids.
bikie
Über Member
- Location
- Northumberland
Some club mates and I were riding through the town one evening, we were passing some shops with big windows, so I was looking at my reflection as I was riding past, probably thinking how cool I look on my bike in my club kit. I never saw the car parked at the side of the road, I went straight into the back of it and ended up on the roof. The girls walking past found it very amusing. Trying my best to ignore the pain I picked up the bike and got back on, the front wheel was badly buckled so I cycled away wobbling like i was on a clowns bike but I just wanted to get away from everyone watching me so I kept going.Very embarrassing.
In trouble
New Member
Had my first 'off' today. I didn't fall off, more like, fell over with my feet still clipped to my pedals. Luckly not hurt, and was chuckling to myself even as I picked myself up.
Unfortunately it happened in a busy train station car park entrance, with a fresh train just having been emptied behind me.........hee hee. Oh well, as a friend once told me. Its not embarrasing, its funny......
Unfortunately it happened in a busy train station car park entrance, with a fresh train just having been emptied behind me.........hee hee. Oh well, as a friend once told me. Its not embarrasing, its funny......