cleavage perceptions

[bobg]

A friend of mine recently told me that he'd been sitting with his female line manager following a meeting, and noticed that she was exposing rather more cleavage than he thought "proper". He said that he felt he ought to say something in case the top buttons of her blouse had come undone and she hadn't realised. He equated it with telling a male friend that their flies were undone. He said something along the lines of " I hope you wont be offended but I feel I out to say that you appear to be showing rather a lot of cleavage" Unwise choice of words I suggested. She called him ito her ofice and gave him a bollocking along the lines of ...how dare you, totally inappropriate comment etc. He was shocked by her response and asked me what I would have done. Being a devout coward and presuming that she wrote his staff report I said I'd have averted my eyes and said nothing. I'd be interested in what you all think..........

 

[Theseus]

Did he say it to her in private, or in front of everyone?

 

[Globalti]

If she was his boss he was foolish to mention it. My boss is a BMW driving, big swinging dick, loud alpha male tosser quite a lot of the time and I just let him get on with it.

 

[davefb]

can i work there



err, bit wierd without knowing the woman i guess, some people i'd do the same,, but others,, no chance..


though as you say, surely its the same as 'yer flies undone'..

in what way did she say it was innapropriate,, did he ask her 'i'm sorry, but what do you think i should have said?'.... maybe she just likes showing her 'assets' ? ?



god , just remembered, we had one colleague who'd wear this stupid tight pants,, and not in a way at all pleasant or tastefull (!)... and he was hardly a 'catch'..

christ the office girls ( young secretary / young pa , older ( lol 30's) line manager) used to take the pish remorselessly.... shudder, wish i'd managed to keep that memory forgotten

 

[ChrisBD]

On the surface its something quite daft. The typical (Male) responses might be "have a sly look and enjoy the view" or as you said "avert your eyes and do nothing!.

But seeing as I hate all this feminist and PC rubbish; I understand your friends line of thought; and think it should be perfectly acceptable for him to have "discreatly" brought it to her attention. s with his example of flyes undone, the same would duly be done.

But here's the sticking point. As a rule mens flyes are done up; a woman however can chose to have as much or as little (enter your own euphamism) on display. So, who is your friend to decide what the acceptable level might be?

On the other hand, if it was a female commenting on a male, it would be taken in good sport, but in this instance clearly not so. That is not equallity!

I would say he did right; maybe used the wrong turn of phrase but intentions were admirable.

If it goes further, tell him to make the point that had he been "perving" he would have kept quiet and not raised the issue; and that if "equallity" really does exist in the workplace then her reaction was out of line for not taking into acccount his feelings on how and why he felt it was necessary to mention the fact, and what would the acceptable reaction be if the situation was reversed?? Equallity means treating people equally, not a ticket to get offended or blow ones top.

 

[bobg]

Did he say it to her in private, or in front of everyone?

If I remember rightly, the middle manager's desks are a bit away from the crowd so it was said quietly but not in private. BTW it wasnt me, honest!
I just mentioned it to my sons girlfriend and she suggested that manager was probably embarrassed whether it was intentional or not and the embarrassment turned to anger like it sometimes does. I have to admit that I collapsed with laughter when he first told me...

 

[Ravenbait]

I think the salient point is that your friend made a judgement about what is a proper amount of cleavage to show. This is in no way the same as telling a man that his flies are undone. Telling a woman that her flies are undone is the same as telling a man that his are undone.

It's not up to your friend to determine what is and is not proper. Most people would agree that having the flies undone and shirt tails or underwear on display is untidy rather than improper.

The polite thing to have done would have been to remember that when you speak to a woman you speak to her face, not to her breasts, and the expanse of her décolletage has no bearing on the conversation.

Sam

 

[Ravenbait]

Although if he'd been polite, I'd not have heard about this hilarity .


I feel quite sorry for the poor sod.


Sam

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

A friend of mine recently told me that he'd been sitting with his female line manager following a meeting, and noticed that she was exposing rather more cleavage than he thought "proper". He said that he felt he ought to say something in case the top buttons of her blouse had come undone and she hadn't realised. He equated it with telling a male friend that their flies were undone. He said something along the lines of " I hope you wont be offended but I feel I out to say that you appear to be showing rather a lot of cleavage" Unwise choice of words I suggested. She called him ito her ofice and gave him a bollocking along the lines of ...how dare you, totally inappropriate comment etc. He was shocked by her response and asked me what I would have done. Being a devout coward and presuming that she wrote his staff report I said I'd have averted my eyes and said nothing. I'd be interested in what you all think..........

I think he's lucky to be in a job. She would think, "What a cheek - a junior employee telling ME how to dress." He was treading very dangerously.

 

[Fnaar]

This thread is no good without pictures, so we can judge for ourselves

what is proper and what is not.

 

[Noodley]

Could he not have just snuggled close to her besooms?

 

[Globalti]

The polite thing to have done would have been to remember that when you speak to a woman you speak to her face, not to her breasts, and the expanse of her décolletage has no bearing on the conversation.

Sam

Sometimes this is difficult; my son's school headmistress has a very ample décolletage and wears very low cut tops. So ample in fact that there seems to be a sort of gravitational pull and when conversing with her it's really hard to prevent the eyes from drifting downwards. Even my wife has mentioned this.

 

[John the Monkey]

But seeing as I hate all this feminist and PC rubbish; I understand your friends line of thought; and think it should be perfectly acceptable for him to have "discreatly" brought it to her attention. s with his example of flyes undone, the same would duly be done.

Exactly, perhaps he could have signed off his discrete word with "Oh, and get us a brew, there's a good girl."

ahem.

 

[bobg]

I think the salient point is that your friend made a judgement about what is a proper amount of cleavage to show. This is in no way the same as telling a man that his flies are undone. Telling a woman that her flies are undone is the same as telling a man that his are undone.

It's not up to your friend to determine what is and is not proper. Most people would agree that having the flies undone and shirt tails or underwear on display is untidy rather than improper.

The polite thing to have done would have been to remember that when you speak to a woman you speak to her face, not to her breasts, and the expanse of her décolletage has no bearing on the conversation.

Sam


Yeah, Mrs BG told me years ago that if you want to have a good look at a pretty woman then go for it, sneaky glances are not wll received ........ Not long ago I was taking a walk along the nearby beach and a the most beautiful woman I have seen in years came towards me with her dog. I was so captivated by her that I stopped her and said " excuse me, I really hope you wont be offende but you have made my day, you are he most beautiful woman I have seen in years" She looked a bit stunnned but grinned and thanked me very much saying that I'd brightened her day too.

 

[John the Monkey]

Sometimes this is difficult; my son's school headmistress has a very ample décolletage and wears very low cut tops. So ample in fact that there seems to be a sort of gravitational pull and when conversing with her it's really hard to prevent the eyes from drifting downwards. Even my wife has mentioned this.

Imagine it's the sun - glance if you must, BUT THEN LOOK AWAY.