Culinary disasters

[goo_mason]

My Mum used to have famous culinary disasters. My favourite was the tea-bag curry. She went to freeze some left-over curry, and decided to drain some of the excess liquid away first - but when she did, the whole lot fell into the sink. Since no-one was around, she scooped it back up and put it in the foil tub and popped it in the freezer.

Months later, Dad's sitting having said leftover curry for dinner. "Mmmmmm..", he mumbles. "This is one of the best curries you've ever made !". Then, less than a minute later, he lifts a strange item up off the plate with his fork. "What's this, though ?"

Mum hadn't noticed that she'd left a couple of used teabags in the sink (they used to throw them in there to drain before putting them in the bucket later) on the day she dropped the curry, so she'd scooped 'em up with everything else.

Another one was the ex-wife's first ever cheese, leek and potato bake. It had a godawful smell about it when I arrived home from work, and tasted like antiseptic. Then I noticed the large 'twigs' buried beneath a layer of cheese.... cloves !! No wonder it tasted vile. She's completely misunderstood the recipe line where it said: "Garlic (2 cloves)".

 

[Pete]

Remembered another one. From our marmalade-making days (some years ago). Did everything correctly, except that we mis-calculated and added exactly half the amount of water we should have. Surprised at noticing the boiling mixture had reached setting-point earlier than expected, but, no matter, into the jars it went (also surprised at getting fewer jars full than expected). Cooled, the stuff was almost charcoal-dark and had the texture and feel of half-set Araldite, tasted foul and was almost unchewable. We dubbed the outcome 'Marmaldite' and it took us over a year to get through the stuff! (Should have binned it, but we don't like wasting food...)

 

[Arch]

Remembered another one. From our marmalade-making days (some years ago). Did everything correctly, except that we mis-calculated and added exactly half the amount of water we should have. Surprised at noticing the boiling mixture had reached setting-point earlier than expected, but, no matter, into the jars it went (also surprised at getting fewer jars full than expected). Cooled, the stuff was almost charcoal-dark and had the texture and feel of half-set Araldite, tasted foul and was almost unchewable. We dubbed the outcome 'Marmaldite' and it took us over a year to get through the stuff! (Should have binned it, but we don't like wasting food...)

My Mum has never been able to make bread. She once tried, in the middle of a bread strike when we lived in Belfast (the bread delivery guys were always going on strike) and my Dad labelled it with a note that said "Mother's Cryed. Fine White Dread". It was probably the bread equivalent of your marmaldite. We put it out for the birds and they all had one peck and went away rubbing their beaks and swearing...

 

[dan_bo]

when I was a kid I made some coco-pop omelettes mmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmm.

 

[bonj2]

LOL @ goomason's tea curry

 

[bonj2]

I just remembered another - if you 've got the Green and Blacks chocolate recipe book then there's one in there that you should avoid. There's a chocolate stuffed chilli recipe. You deseed and blanch whole chillis, and then soak them in vodka (sounds good so far). Then you melt some chocolate, and add vodka to the chocolate so it goes a little thicker. You stuff the chillis with the chocolate/vodka mixture, dip them in more chocolate, chill them, and then sprinkle with icing sugar to taste. Sounds nice, eh?

Nothing, but nothing could have prepared us for the horror of eating one of these delicacies. It all depends on what kind of chilli you buy. The skins on the ones we bought were as tough as old boots and the flesh tasted really bitter. No amount of sugar could redeem them. We were nearly crying at the bitterness, which was coupled with the bitterness of the chocolate and the burn of the vodka. They were inedible. Truly unpleasant.

vodka, chillis and chocolate are all REALLY nice things, but not together

 

[bonj2]

at uni, me and two housemates used to basically just go to jack fulton's most days and cook whatever meat they had cheapest in the grill, and for meals we'd eat JUST meat (contrary to popular belief I don't still do that now). Burgers, sausages, etc would just be chucked in the grill, but since we were too addicted to computer games to supervise a frying pan we would effectively 'fry' them in the grill, which when not in use would have about half an inch of set fat left in it, which would melt during cooking, and was never changed from one week to the next

 

[Elmer Fudd]

Stilton ? In a freezer ????

It was before I knew any better.

You do realise you are supposed to keep Stilton in your sock draw to keep your socks fresh ?

Now gonna go O/T.
Can any of yous North of the Border give me a recipe for tattie soup, you know the one, you make 8 gallons of it, leave it on a simmer all week and it just gets better and better and if you stand a spoon in the middle it takes ages to fall over.
As far as I remember I need a good ham shank (calm down !!) to start the basic stock off.

(This is a serious request by the way !!!)

 

[Tetedelacourse]

Pass, but I know what you're talking about Elmer. A good broth is tremendous, especially over the next few months.

It's always best to start a recipe with a ham shank.