Cycling related jokes

[Racing roadkill]

I heard a couple of cracking cycling related jokes today.

A team of dwarves entered a criterium, a bloke behind the barriers says "nice bikes, why the short arms"?

What's the difference between a Domestique and a robot?

You only need to punch the instructions into a robot once.

 

[pawl]

While cycling on The Isle Of White I asked a local if he knew the way to Ryde.He said you just sit on the seat and push the pedals up and down.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[Gareth]

A couple were in a busy shopping centre just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewellers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the Bicycle shop next door to that."

 

[Smokin Joe]

Dick Pound from the anti doping agency was walking round the team buses before the start of a Tour de France stage. As he approached the Discovery bus he saw Johan Bruyneel hand something to Lance Armstrong which the Texan popped into his mouth.

"What's that he's taking?" demanded Pound as he stormed up to Bruyneel. "I want to have a look at that".

"Oh that's just a sugar cube to give him a little bit of energy before the race starts" said the Belgian. "Look, it's completely harmless", and he popped one into his own mouth. "Here, have one yourself". He gave Pound a cube and the man put it in his mouth and swallowed it. Satisfied, he said "Hmmm, it is sugar. That's all right then. But we have to check with all this doping going on, sorry to have bothered you". With that he went on his way.

When he was out of sight, Bruyneel turned to Armstrong and said, "Now remember, wait till the last 5k on the climb and then give it everything, no one will stay with you. And if anyone does come past, don't worry, it will be either me or Dick Pound".

 

[gaijintendo]

What do you call a Unicycle with two wheels?

https://www.maplin.co.uk/p/airwheel-q3-electric-dual-wheel-unicycle-a99th

 

[Drago]

That's like a quad 'bike', innit.

 

[AndyRM]

Lance Armstrong.