the problem i have is that when down, or on my way down, i don't want to cycle. i know that if i ride and have one small incident (not climbing a hill well, getting tired quickly, etc) then i'll just want to throw the bike away.
i signed up to do the brit cyclosportive mainly to get me riding... and it worked, even though my mood on the day darkened like the sky and i gave up half way after small niggles with the organising of the event got to me. it did make me want to ride though... and i've ridden better since as i enjoy it now.
i did a stress management course as part of my treatment and one thing that came up was breathing problems - this has been a big part of me not enjoying riding. i still have the problem - my mind gives up and causes panic, making me hyperventilate. it may be part asthma too, my last doctor wasn't interested in that.
must admit i want to get off the pills. if anyone saw the Stephen Fry programme recently there was a great quote by someone who said that medication made you "letterboxed". you didn't experience the lows, but you didn't get the highs either - and i think this is a problem with me. i've also given up writing since the meds as it seems my mind can't run free.
while things at home (and, less so now, work) are really strained i'll keep up the pills, but i am looking at riding more as a form of therapy.
another thing that has helped me is birdwatching! i have become a member of the WWT and visit the wetlands centre in Barnes as an escape. this may sound strange too, but i have often sat and chatted to swans in richmond park and on the Thames. there is something calm about them. i recently had one see off a goose that bothered me as i sat and chatted to him while he preened. the same swan recently let me feed its six cygnets, almost by hand, allowing me to sit on the bank as they swam inches away with the parents not bothered by my presence. other 'humans' were approached by the parents so they didn't get too close. did that swan recognise me? did i sense something in me? i have no idea, all i do know is that another park visitor remarked that they'd never seen anyone get that near to, very recently hatched, cygnets before.
good luck to all those with problems. my your wheels run true.
L