#dadbollocks

[The Horse's Mouth]

Further to the #mumbollocks thread. A bit of #dadbollocks

When I was about 12 my dad often took me down to his club for a bottle of Shandy Bass on a Sunday lunchtime. My dad would drink a few pints of Toby Best and just before we went home he would go up and buy a Gin & Tonic.

When I questioned him why he drunk the G&T he informed me that it was a different kind of alcohol then the beer and it cancelled out the alcohol in the beer leaving him sober.

Now, being a devoted son and my father being a total hero in my eyes this made perfect sense and was obviously a little known FACT.

One Sunday, upon arrival at home my dad tripped up the stairs on the way to the toilet. My mum (who had answered the door) then asked how many he had to which i replied "Its OK mum he has had a Gin & Tonic".

It was a couple of years before I understood her slightly bemused/mainly angry look on her face.

The most bizarre thing about this is I think my, now late father, did actually believe a G&T sobered him up.

 

[Leodis]

To a degree he is right, Gin or any spirt is a different drunk/effect to beer which is a more lethargic drunk. I hope he is enjoying his GnT somewhere nice now.

 

[Night Train]

I'd have to list about 90% of the stuff my Dad has said....
Gems include:
'You can't make compost, it takes years to rot down and it smells!' He comes from a farming background and is a gardener.
'It's illegal to claim housing benefit when living in a housing association flat.' When discussing accommodation options with my ex-wife (a social housing consultant). Dad has never claimed any benefits, nor lived in a HA home.

 

[ColinJ]

My dad used to spout bollox on any number of subjects ... "Don't go out with wet hair, you will catch your death of cold!" and so on.

One of his favourites was "Don't sit like that - you will get blood clots in your legs!" Yeah, yeah, yeah ... why should I listen to an old guy in his 80s whose health hadn't been great since his mid-60s!

(Er, I may have mentioned that I almost died last year in my mid-50s, of blood clots in my lungs which came from blood clots in my legs ... )

 

[Leodis]

My fav from my dad was "sticking a feather in your ass doesnt make you a chicken"

I lied, he didnt say much.

 

[PeteXXX]

Never trust a Dad who asks you to pull his finger.....

 

[green1]

"Comeback when your old enough son." Well Dad, i'm 31, 4in tall than you, stronger and fitter, yet he still says it.

 

[Cheddar George]

"Get yourself a job in banking .... a job for life."

 

[Boris Bajic]

Mine was often startlingly right and then denied he'd said things:

"If that bitch gets into Number Ten there'll be blood on the streets. People will riot".

Spoken in the lead-up to the '79 election and he denied ever after that he'd said it.

"Clever man, but we cannot make him leader. We don't need a clever man, we need Healey". Of Foot, after that election.

I dare say he talked bollocks too, but I missed out on it. I didn't even get the "Now you are a man" chat... not a word...

My brother got the "Try everything once" thing that Beecham said, but I didn't even get that.

 

[User482]

Directly related to the thread title, when asking my dad why he was in hospital, he replied "I've hurt my leg". I'll leave you to work it out.

 

[Melonfish]

I'll admit its all a blur of one saying after another, i don't think i could single one thing out...

 

[glenn forger]

To the nuns he recognised from his kids' (my siblings) catholic school when he visited Canterbury Cathedral:

"What are you doing here? It's under new management you know!"

 

[The Horse's Mouth]

To add to my earlier post a couple of football ones. One of which might only make sense to older Arsenal fans.

When my dad was manager of our local under 11s sunday team, we became the only team in the league playing the WM formation, made famous nearly 50 years earlier by Herbert Chapman. My dad was adament this was the only formation to play. Yes! we had an inside right and a right half. Funny thing is dad wasnt born when Chapman was manager of Arsenal.

Also my dad was the best physio in the world. His cure for any ailment was to get the injured player to touch his toes (He believed the pain of touching your toes would make you forget the pain of the injury) ,or the magic sponge (The sponge was usually thrust down your shorts and then in your face.

Probably be arrested for the latter nowadays!

 

[Sandra6]

My dad told me a fascinating story about escaping the Germans in the war by building a ladder from toilet rolls, and then being picked up in a helicopter. There was also a bit about having the black death -and dying - but it was ok as he was wearing a life jacket. He told me the same story several times before I questioned any of it.

 

[ayceejay]

My dad told me to avoid rich people, I asked him why and who. He said that if you have a ha'penny and you meet someone with eleven pence ha'penny and he wants to take your money to make his money a nice round shilling - him.