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Darwin awards 2008

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Aint Skeered, 31 May 2008.

  1. Aint Skeered

    Aint Skeered New Member

    You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado,
    here are the 2008 Darwin awards...

    Eighth Place
    In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
    water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
    retrieve his car keys.

    Seventh Place
    A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
    ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

    Sixth Place
    While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
    from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When
    it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
    People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out
    but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
    almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

    Fifth Place
    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
    bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
    flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into
    the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

    Fourth Place
    Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
    said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
    and pull the trigger.

    Third Place
    After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
    door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
    store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
    standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
    announced a hold-up!, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
    The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
    also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the
    scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
    cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
    wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons.
    No one else was hurt.

    HONORABLE MENTION
    Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at
    2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to
    see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was
    closed.

    RUNNER UP
    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
    said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the
    middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men
    trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the
    midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee
    rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
    that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around
    Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
    feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
    miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two
    nearby fishermen.
    Bingham's foot was never located.

    AND THE WINNER IS...
    Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
    elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
    figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
    Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
    ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
    The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
    Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
    elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
    It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... '****
    happens'

    IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES
    FROM THE GENE POOL
     
  2. wafflycat

    wafflycat New Member

    Location:
    middle of Norfolk

    :ohmy::angry::angry:AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!! Destroy! Destroy! Smash! Hit! Destroy! :smile::angry::biggrin:

    :angry::angry::angry:AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!:angry::angry::angry:

    Ahhh.. I feel much better now I've got that out of my system. Normal service will now be resumed.
     
  3. 515mm

    515mm Well-Known Member

    Location:
    Carmarthenshire
    I feel sorry for the elephant keeper and I'd take issue with the 1st place. The others did it all to themselves. Also, I'm reliably informed that to remove oneself from the gene pool involves one's own death. Removing a foot shouldn't count. Or are talking about souls:tongue:

    I'll get my coat...........
     
  4. TheDoctor

    TheDoctor Man-Machine Staff Member

    Location:
    Stevenage
    Burgling is a perfectly good word. That...abomination isn't.
    It's just not.:ohmy:
     
  5. wafflycat

    wafflycat New Member

    Location:
    middle of Norfolk
    See the second post in this thread. Shall we have a spot of word rage together dear Doc? :smile:
     
  6. Mr Pig

    Mr Pig New Member

    Location:
    North Lanarkshire
    Superb :0) I love third place, what a moron.

    You can see the Darwin awards for past years on their web site, great laugh.
     
  7. Haitch

    Haitch Flim Flormally

    Location:
    Netherlands
    But are these stories true?
     
  8. Mister Paul

    Mister Paul Honky

    Location:
    North Somerset
    Yup. My award would go to third place.
     
  9. girofan

    girofan New Member


    What about hospitalised which has become absorbed into British everyday language.
    The one about the torch had me grabbing my vitals!!!! :ohmy:
     
  10. OP
    OP
    Aint Skeered

    Aint Skeered New Member

    I only copied and pasted it, sorry.
    All my future posts will be in the queens english;)

    edit. And I will be changing my user name to, I am not scared, ok
     
  11. Haitch

    Haitch Flim Flormally

    Location:
    Netherlands
    Queen's English.
    :ohmy:
     
  12. wafflycat

    wafflycat New Member

    Location:
    middle of Norfolk
    Glad to hear it! Standards must be maintained!

    *national anthem plays*
    *stands to attention*

    :ohmy:
     
  13. OP
    OP
    Aint Skeered

    Aint Skeered New Member

    Bugger
     
  14. marinyork

    marinyork Resting in suspended Animation

    Location:
    Logopolis
    3rd and 7th place are pretty funny. Thanks.
     
  15. bonj2

    bonj2 Guest

    some nasty deaths there.